Nephtaphis

That's All Folks

2005-10-21T19:26:00.000+08:00

My final entry..... Lots of things has happened.. duh... can read them if you want.... good things and bad things. Can count the holidays I had, the crushes I had ( a million I guess) ... The good people I met, the anzels I came across.

I'm closing this.. yes I am.. due to certain circumstances....
I love to write, I became very attached to ebony27. More like a best friend. Its stupid I know... but ironically I found comfort in this. But sad, I have to let it go.

There are times when I sound stupid... blah blah blah....
Totally no regrets....

I had a hell of a time!!!
*CRAP*
Thanks peeps....

Ah Neph might say good bye...

2005-10-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

Just got back from geylang trip with the girls.. Fun though, tummy's churning... a very good sign..LOL....

I'm a very happy girl now... I feel so "clean"... all nicely washed up... no more discomfort.. all good.

Nothing much to say, but I like the Kebaya in Black or White, Catherine's getting one in Green. No time to really shop, most probably coming back again later...

Anyway I've decided, I'm going to do it.... seriously just watch me... I am going to do it.

Seriously considering of changing my blog address or create another one and abandon this one.
Its not therapeutic anymore. What do u think????

2005-10-20T09:29:00.000+08:00

I woke up to If You Don't Know Me By Now by Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes. I was happy to wake up in my bedroom.

I find that everything is coming to an end. I feel sad that Yenni's going back. I met her like twice, but yet I feel for her exitting from the country. The year is coming to an end. Everything is coming to an end.

I had a blast here in 2005. I lost all the weight, I'm looked upon as "cute", went to Sydney twice. Started Salsa... met alot of wonderful people here in Singapore and Sydney. Had the most delicious mooncake, its sad that the mooncake is finishing.... Not sure if I get another share or not...
I did my IELTS, finally did!!!!! Its happening and I get nervous just thinking about it, like its finally happening!!! I'm really excited. I have to go once I get my results and my application done, coz its valid for 2 years before I have to resit for another one. I believe I'm brave enough to go through this. Its something I always wanted to do, and I'm making it happen.

Well, I spent 4 days in the hospital... for some "colorectal problem".... I'm doing well now.. Taking care of myself alot now. Just finished a mug of banana milk and my regular dose of Lactulose. Yes, I stopped fasting.
Bapak is very supportive and despite whatever disagreement I have with him, I think that my father is very practical. About the whole moving thing, very flexible with my IELTS fees, me not fasting and Salsa. My pap believes in doing what I think is right not just because I have to. At the same time not forgetting my responsibilities. I'm the eldest child and I have to make sure my siblings are comfortable in terms of financial and education.

I was quite pissed about my dad don't sending me to the hospital last Sunday. But again I can understand why.. He just got back from night shift. It was actually a compliment. They know I can take care of myself and independant. My mum never cares whether I eat, when I'm out or I whether I have enough money. She only bothers me in terms of religion. Which I find that I should have some space on that. But again, at least she knows I can take care of myself and I will call if I'm not alright.

About the not fasting due to my condition, she was ok with it but I can tell from her face that she was disappointed. I'm old enough to think for myself and what's good and proper for me. I'm a proud muslim of course, but I have to take care of myself. Islam is very flexible. That's what people misunderstand. I think Islam is very flexible. Only people made it a very tense issue. If fasting is going to do harm on my body, I'm sure Allah wouldn't want me to. Another example, given a Chinese man... obviously non muslim big tattoes all over the body, wants to marry a muslim girl and convert. By right he has to remove the tattoes but if its going to disfigure his whole body, removal is not necessary.

Back to the issue...

I felt so lonely in the hospital, lying down, becoming the "spokesperson" of the room. Helped a lady to slow down the drip and doing pre op teaching. Everybody knows I'm a nurse, so many nursing staff came to visit me inc my directors. I cannot walk around the hospital, coz like duh! everybody will know I'm in and I might need the toilet anytime.
Then the day for colonoscopy came.. Yuck.... I was a typical FON patient. I cried and wailed in the endoscopy centre, of course, I had no sedation. No one could set a plug. Anyway I consented to carry on coz there's no other choice. I cried like as if I was beaten up by Vicki Pollard. I did the most embarrassing thing ever after that, but the nurses there were very supportive and understanding... It was terrible.... Was horrified, terrified, petrified. I turned pale, they sent me staright to the ward. I spent like 20 minutes in the toilet and one of the SEN got worried. Kept knocking on my door. I was ok just a bit giddy and weak. I managed to shower on my own, still sobbing in the shower. Couldn't believe I went through that. I got out, I rested, I slept til about 12pm, thats when they told me to stay another day. I felt better after the sleep, I tried to have lunch. Couldn't eat. Drank my banana milk and soda water instead. I slept til afternoon, Nas came again. Suppose to meet his gf abit later.

I was good after that.....I felt well towards evening. Uma came bought me stuffed toys. Sister Chan came...Me going to toilet is like a celebration. It was my third trip that day. Home tomorrow. Told the nurse that I have to go off early coz I have an exam at 1pm.
I left most of the stuff in my locker... I can't carry them. So my toiletries and my clothes and mags are in my locker, transport them back on Monday when I go back to work.

I was very early, went around takashimaya's Kinokuniya... Just walk around.... Was still early in the exams room, so I took a walk at Tanglin Mall. Bumped into Saridah, the lady I met at the written exams... Went for lunch.. yes lunch with her. Talked about things, mostly about working abroad. She was pro UK and Oz... Stationing myself in UK would be good coz its near to everywhere, if ever I want to move out.. compared to Oz with is another corner of the world. Again, job prospects is the main issue. Speaking test wasn't that difficult, maintaining a straight face is. Ian was with me when I was hospitalised. The look on his face when he saw my ward, means how bad can hospitals in Manchester be?? But ok lah, never try never know. Oz will be ok but we'll see. IELTS first... now IELTS is done, waiting for results... no point getting too overwhelmed. Then decide..

Ian is the sweetest thing ever. Was with me throughout the whole A&E process, in observation room and to the ward. Trying so hard to hold back my tears when I heard MANUAL EVACUATION. It sucks, really sucks. Nothing good about sticking stuff in your anus. Ian bought me the essentials and ribena. Soda water worked like magic.... I felt bad coz I took his time to be with me but still his presence made me feel alot better. Like having somebody there to be with you.

Now I'm being very strict in my diet, very very strict.... Don't want to go through that again.

I hope I go back to work soon...

Marhanah came to visit me yesterday.... Complaining about being insecure. Cheryl did the same thing before too.... about her bf. To think about it, even the most confident and self together girls are also insecure. Why do u think that girls always compare who's prettier than who... who got a better bf, who is sexier... watch Villa Wellness, and you know what I'm talking about.
I had my fair share of being insecure, but I overcome it. Its psychological and its all up to u. If u think its a problem, it is a problem. I don't think I'm self conscious and thats good enough for me. I was insecure before and I'm not ashamed of it, I did alot of things to gain back the self confidence, and I succeeded. It changed alot on how I look at things and to accept situations as it is. Things don't often work out how we want it to be and good things will come to an end. Nobody likes change, but it will still happen like it or not. Only thing I can do is to deal with the change. Better things will come in the future. Saridah adviced me alot about working overseas, in terms of coping and social life and of course financially.

I was such a whooze before, I do nothing but complain... but hey, Í've grown up. I shouldn't be thinking like that. Welcome to the real world. Out of my comfort zone. I find it very difficult being looked upon as Asian. I got Mildred telling me, "Annisa, whatever you do, you're Asian, we got values and morals and you're a girl. " So did Uma. I'm lucky I got people to look after me alot, I'm not alone, I got alot of people who cares about me, my family, Mildred, Uma, Juliana, Sister Chan, Nuri, Ian and Fibi.

I learnt to live one day at a time and take things easy. I can plan but god will decide everything. And I'm sure its for the best. Only person who can help me is myself....

Hey I can write a book..... Talking about books, I'm looking for a book called Why Do Men Have Nipples...

??

2005-10-19T16:16:00.000+08:00

I don't know where to start.. hhmm... let's start with

Gimme Gimme Gimme a man before midnight......

Yeah, back to society...

IELTS was a blast!! -- damn... whom am I kidding???

Just hope I get a 7

2005-10-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

Just got up from my nap.
I dreamt of my patient even before meeting him... weird weird weird... Anyway,
did my IELTS today.... to a certain level it sucks. Just hope I pass... Not even thinking of doing well right now.

Went to Ian's to....... to what?? Take back my passport and for a quick nap. I actually fell asleep.
He was doing some work, I think... Was at his also yesterday for dinner with Ron ( his friend-work friend.. I think so..., Dawn and Dave) Had "pasta goreng", vege stuff and salmon.... Was feeling very bloated just after dessert and tired.. Had fun though, Dawn wanted to go to Geylang. Dave nearly humiliated himself by Dawn's ringtone...lol... and Ron... he look like a life version of a centrefold. Of course my attention was still on Mooncake.

Anyway, this Ramadhan is one of the most toughest to go through, seriously...

Rhythm of the night...

2005-10-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

Good morning... I woke up with a smile on my face this afternoon. Of course I would, I don't have to work tonight... haha... Finally I'm done with the 4 nights, Santhi's night is no joke. What happened ( not the juicy ones of course):

* No admisssions at all for the 4 nights Yeh! .... like duh! was full house...

* Kang and Chan insisted HD to take in Room 14. Super mad +++. I know I was very rude but hey!

* " We got a patient coming in direct from Jakarta flying in straight into the ward"... ( ****, 2005) ( thanks for adding humour to my life... lol)

* Guy in late twenties wanted mother to stay overnight.

* Sister Aziah caught me dozing off in HD on the casesheet and still holding to a pen. Best thing, she woke me up and was alright with it.... Haha....

* Nobody believes I'm wearing XL pants.

* Cursed Cheryl she won't be able to sleep for the night if she didn't wait for me to leave. She did, but didn't know the curse was
bounced back to me.

* Eiliana did the Para Para stroke of midnight. Wanted to start combing my hair, but nah....

I feel good today, very good in fact. Going to grandma's tonight for break fast. No job today, no job tomorrow. So sad, but hey! Its alright.

Really have to thank Jon, will never forget what he has done for me. Its nothing to him but was a big deal to me.

Besamé

2005-10-06T13:35:00.000+08:00

Toni has alot of time in her hands, she's wondering where she got it from. Although she never fail to complain about work and neglecting her well being and her aquantainces. She is literally scratching her head at the same time spinning her rusty globe. She wonder where she will go next. Ultimately its her choice but she do not know where to go next.

Residing alone often leaves her being lonely and frustrated, refusing to admit that most of the things happened was entirely her fault. Toni couldn't help it but she didn't regret over what happened either ."Asshole!"she screamed and slammed the globe on the floor, threw herself onto the couch. Terribly upset.

Vividly remember a year ago when she decided to go with Chad, a handsome 42 year old Mauritian-Australian doctor back to Sydney where he practiced. Sacrified her nursing job, family and friends in Singapore. Toni was not really concerned about her job in Singapore because they paid her peanuts. She was madly in love with Chad and at most willing to do anything to his benefit. Chad was not keen on Toni coming along and he had a good reason why. His missus would not be too happy of Toni's presence.

Toni was kept in the dark, she had no idea that she was just for his company during his placement in Singapore. She was desperately clinging on to Chad even when Chad oppose to the idea of cohabitating. Chad had no choice, doing the only way to shove Toni off. She was introduced to Karen, "the spouse". Toni was in a shock, did not see it coming. She felt as if her heart stopped beating for a few seconds, turned pale and started sweating. Karen had no idea she was shaking the hands of "the other woman". Toni was introduced as a fellow colleague on visit. That made the situation worse. Toni started tearing, as if she was going to break down. Chad was concerned that the situation will jeopardise his marriage. He pulled Toni to the patio while his wife went to get the homecoming party started.

"Look, I told you before, we cannot be together even though I didn't tell you before I was married. You came here on your own accord and there's nothing much I can do for you.You're still young and you would not want an old man like me", Chad said.

Toni cried uncontrollably and left the house. She ran out and ran as fast as she could from the Brighton Le Sands terrace all the way to the airport. She held on to the gate and cried hard, hands banging on the wire mash. She felt so cheated and angry. Angry with with the ex, the situation and herself. She was more disappointed for being stupid.
Despite what happened, Toni did not want to go back to Singapore. She wanted to try her luck in Sydney.

Called a cab to take her back to her apartment in Coogee. She spent 3 days in bed feeling depressed and stupid. She was still in Phase One, where she would be lying in bed and still in denial. Toni however could not wait to recover to Phase Four, where she will forget what a bastard Chad has been and starting to date other people. But she knows its not going to be anytime soon. Toni had never been so depressed before or anywhere near being disappointed. She take things easy even at work. She was positive that she could pull though.

Phase Four came much earlier than expected and never heard from Chad.

Toni had strings of suitors, but she don't feel like dating as yet. Most of them were fellow male nurses and medical officers at the hospital. She knew she was attractive and not playing hard to get. Its just that she do not want to go through the same process anytime soon. That is what she believes.

Men can't keep their eyes off her, especially in the scrub suit. Despite whatever she thinks about herself, Toni recovers fast.

She has a date tonight and don't know what to wear and that added on to her frustration. She know she has to look good, and she always has been. She knows that. Dating older men has always been her thing, and calling them her " experienced lovers." Women in their thirtes are often intimidated by her and Toni loves the cat fight. She knows she will always win. No men could resist her bikini-friendly body and her dark creamy skin, thanks to her Balinese-Portugese heritage. A face with features of all perfect angles and pouted lips, and she's barely 25. Her strongest point: Her sexuality.

Being insecure has always been her issue, even though was told she's the sex goddess of all time. She feels like a "flavour of a month" where none of her boyfriends lasted her more than 3 weeks. Going on dates is like a chore. A man like Donald Trump will have lured her, after all she's still a woman.

( to be continued and edited, I dont know what I'm typing.. lol.. gonna get good... promise)

2005-10-05T14:09:00.000+08:00

Got up from my nap....

I feel that I should start waking up, get real.... and move on whatever the problem may be. Don't care what other people think, do what I think is right. It may have been a shock, but some point I have to wake up. I had one last cry yesterday night and it felt like that was the end..checked.. 0140hrs. Period. I woke up well and all ready to move on.
Screw whatever that has been happening. I will regret that I've wasted alot of my time on it. I got alot of things waiting for me and I got to get cracking.

Ian told me like a zillion times to move on, but I don't seem to be able to. But god is great, I prayed and I finally get over it on the first day of Ramadhan. I feel like I got over it. Closure.

I started running around the house again this morning when I got home, mum was all friendly and hyper, its a blessing I think, the first day of Ramadhan.

I'm sure things will change its all in my mind, I'm positive.

Mum: No point brooding over it now, the time will come, deal with it later. Everything's good for now, she's talking...

Ana: If she still loves me she will call...

Finance: Everything will fall in place by 18th Dec.

Work: Don't get overwhelmed, do IELTS, worry about IELTS first. NMC noted that I'm applying. BUPA has my CV and Geneva Health ask me to call them once my IELTS results back. ( then tell mum)
MENA- If I'm tired, don't do!

Tham: No need to be so friendly anymore. You crossed the line, I cross you out.

Losing weight: If I lose it, lose lah, big deal.... there's always Nivea Visage. Worked the first time...Lean body.. who doesn't want it? Damn, need bust cream... that would be a challenge..

Mooncake (white lotus with egg): Like Catherine says, "Apa nak jadi, jadi lah.." But its true, it was a shock but after that... hey... "Kalau nak jadi, jadi... tak jadi sudah lah... nak buat ape kan..." But I care for him alot, even though it was a series of "Are You Oks?" His well being is very important to me... despite whatever happens in the future, right now he is my boyfriend and he is my concern whether he's leaving later or not.

Back: I must take care, posture and heat pack every night.

????: Taken care of. I'll be fine.Just take supplements will do the trick.

Listening to Don't Phunk With My Heart... damn... remembered that day Ian was making the joke about the rap part of it. Spin it the other way around it says I love Ian... I love Ian... doesn't sound funny I know, should have been there, its really very funny.

Went for Salsa yesterday.... got a so called private tutoring from Lionel. He ask me to go for Intermediate/Advance.... How cool is that???? I can turn now, no problem...

Off day

2005-10-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

Finally got a new pair of ear phones... Fibi chewed on mine. Talking about cats, I dare not open the door outside, for sure it look as if it got hit by tsunami. Yeah thanks to Adik and Baby... Baby has been very tame, yes... TAME... these few days... carried her around the block. Did Salsa with her, she didn't mind.... Might be the reason why Fibi chewed on my earphones.

Lastest: Just got to know Baby is a boy.( saw the tiny penis there)

Night shift and fasting month starts tomorrow. I'm so frustrated.. Anyway whatever...I tried and I failed.. Salsa tonight... That should help.... Can't wait!!

What to do today:
* Do my slides
* Clean my room
* Meet Nas, get my artworks back.. yeah those from school...
* Send CVs to various hospitals
* Check about working Visas.
* Call Haniffa
* Salsa tonight...

I'm bored actually....

Listening to Eye of A Tiger...
Good track actually, something I would listen to before a netball game.... Wanted to go for Kickboxing this morning but no class.. Damn...

Need to listen to something very motivational... ( Scrolling through my iTunes) Yup, playing I Wanna Rock by Twisted Sisters.

Gonna take a nap........

2005-10-03T09:41:00.000+08:00

Good morning.... Sucks... Didn't sleep well, my back hurts alot.... But hey can't blame anybody, my fault... Didn't take care of myself yesterday, carried the children one after another, yes, I felt a sprain but I thought it gonna get better.... felt sharp pain again in the bathroom at Paulaners.... more like a cramp after that.... Stretch abit here and there I was ok.

Had alot of fun with Catherine, Berry and Ian yesterday at Paulaner's B...??... The German Oktoberfest ( spelled with a K) was great fun!!! Ian facilitated to my "Beer Mug prop" and topping it up to make it look foamy..... Pretzel.... HORRIBLE.. only ate the inside. LOL....
Lets see if I get this correct....
Owance..... Swuah..... dwuah........ Suffa!!!!! Yeh!!!
I so much wanted to dance to it, but only to realise its Singapore... not Sydney... I would have join the guy on top of the table. haha.... Another reason don't want to Ian's friends to think his girlfriend is a complete idiot. hahaha....
Had a tiny chicken supposely to be half chicken but I think its not enough to feed my 3 daughters let alone me and Ian. Despite whatever.. it was one of the best chicken I ever tasted... Talking about chicken, kinda miss Chocka's chicken... nope.. I think I was more of his pasta fan.

Listening to Coldplay....

Fasting month is coming... I'm trying to do whatever I cannot do during Fasting month.... but you know what, knowing me I'm sure to go against it.... One example Salsa..... Give me just an hour.... pleaseee...... Thinking of going tonight, get Haniffa, Paul ( stood him up so many times already) and Ian..... maybe Catherine and Berry also........ 1 more day.... Tues lessons at LADC..... then Wed starts......

Mum caught me dancing in the room... so embarassing....

I know its ironic but one thing I fear of this fasting month is that I will start losing weight again. Don't want to go through the whole process again... butt training, using tons of Nivea Visage Firming cream... I don't blame Ian about him moisturising his face, coz I do the same thing to my butt and thigh.... the more I slap the better I feel... until I ran out of it and can't find it on the shelves for a while. I don't have the problem anymore so just using regular moisturiser but putting Nivea on standby.
To be honest, I like my body size and and I don't want to go any thinner..... I always thought that I look fat, maybe because I didn't
see the change... I lost weight drastically, so the fat girl is still inside. yes its true, the fat girl is still inside. Dying to be freed... haha...

I need all the luck I can get....
Olé......Olé........ Oléo....... Olé..........

..............

2005-10-02T09:51:00.000+08:00

Good morning... Has been a long time...

Woke up well, I think I'm very emotionally stable right now.... Cool... Finally its over... Yup back to my brutal self again.

I was very disappointed in Ana, being what she is now in Singapore... don't want to discuss about it, seriously she made me very upset.. really upset.... I tried ways to keep off Ana for awhile just to let me cool down for a mo. The Union Square thing was the last straw. I don't think I'm important to her anymore. Anyway, I feel sad that things turn out this way. I miss the happy times alot. Its like grieving...

Worst thing she ever said to me... " I'm sorry I can't symphatise with you right now, I have my own problems" My tears went back in and was in shock for like 15 seconds??...

I miss Ana so badly that I texted her for no reason. I just miss her. I turned quiet for a while at Ian's.. but don't want to spoil the evening.... Ana's just half hour away or even 3 floors down from the ward, but she seems so far away.

Talked to Ian about Ana at McDonalds yesterday, reminicing about the giggling to sleep, boy watching, kickboxing.... inseperable. Even travel 8 hours away ( I'm a lazy bitch) just to see Ana AGAIN in July. One of the reasons why I'm broke.

See... now I'm all upset again.... Listening to Aventura....

I woke up today feeling like Felicity Shagwell.... That dialogue she had on Austin Powers.. I thought she must be crazy to be thinking like that... but you know what... I feel the exact same way.. Should put on bright orange dress with big sunnies and heels and walk around town... LOL...

I should stop talking about work from now... didn't realise that people don't want to hear about it... But what else is there to talk about work? I talk about rotting penis and vaginas and ENT bleeding patients, dead fetus, abortions and last office. That's what I do... I don't wear suits and walk around building talking about figures and go for an hour long lunch and cramping the train at 5pm. People think my job is so damn bloody easy as in just looking after patients. When I talk about venepuncture, they think its just sticking a needle in and blood will just gush out.

People say they respect nurses or look up to us, but in actual fact they think nothing of it, its just something like "thank you for doing the job that none of us want to do."

But I was upset when people stop me from talking about work, even at home. But hey I need the support. Its something I do and its hard, I need a listening ear.

I want to talk about work coz i spend too much time on it and to ventilate.
Its like a sin talking about work.
Yes indeed I'm a public slave...
I hate my job.

Its sad, its very sad...
Fasting month starts next Wed..... hhhmmm....

The Dammits....

2005-09-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

* Full bladder on morning shift during Doctor's rounds

* Finally falling asleep at 4am on a morning shift

* Salsa in slippers and hipsters

* Losing weight at the wrong places ( dont want to have tiny boobs with a big tummy)

* Yasmin and Fibi doing the re enactment of Sept 11

* Curry on the menu

* Oreo stuck on the teeth ( there's always Chips Ahoy to make your life easier)

* Crashing my ipod mini

* Wake up 6am in shock, hit the shower, halfway getting dressed realising on afternoon shift.

* Rozitha asking if patient has hypertension

* Indra doing dressing at 3pm

* The mouse doesn't work

* "Sorry for the inconvinience caused"

Just a preview before the actual fasting starts...

2005-09-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

Less than 2 hours before break fast time... Man, it was tough.... Haha... First days are always like this. Got 3 days to pay back, dont know when I will actually do it.

Carol is pissed with me. I refuse to accept an assignment at Mount Elizabeth Children's Ward. Seriously I think its not worth the money, just slightly more than 100 bucks when I'm used to earn twice the amount on normal days doing 1 to 1 nursing. I don't mind doing it, but I would be banging my head against the wall the whole night, when I could have a nice dinner at home, watch TV and sleep early. Isnt that the purpose of me staying home? But if she were to tell me, Annisa.... Mount Elizabeth, some old lady, night shift, $170 cash on arrival.... Hell ya I would take it!!! Should learn how to work smart, isnt it?
Anyway I took up an assignment on Sunday day shift.... yup its to my expectations... So just do it.... Still owe Bapak for my IELTS fees.

I'm shortlisted for a job interview next Friday. The job sounds good. But sad thing is that its not the regular "nursing care" kind of thing. No uniform, office hours... I've always envy office girls wearing nice skirts and cardigans and in heels... But it look so wrong on me.. I'm a Nurse I should be wearing shitty uniforms smelling like shit or Ensure milk. Or would catch me in jeans and T shirt with either ear rings or necklace. That would be me.. Can't imagine myself in cardigans and skirts and heels walking around with files. Now I got to find something to wear for the interview. Damn... What to wear.. what to wear?????

I was shocked to get the phonecall from the company.. suddenly I panicked. I don't know whether to get excited or worried or anxious. Haha... I decided to go for the interview and see if I get the job, thats the most important thing.
How not to get overwhelmed?? Thursday Sister Salimah asked me to do my Advanced Diploma.. but of course no Midwifery offering this intake. My next option would be the 6 months Advanced Diploma in Palliative Care. That would be just nice to take while waiting for my IELTS and NMC application to be processed. BUT... the BIG BUT is that its not 6 months. Its 1 year PART TIME... Damn.... Just slightly after 24 hours I got the job interview.... Hmm... but I'll remain composed.... not as if I already got the job.. just an interview. 1st time ever going for a job interview.. so nerve wrecking. It indeed boost up my morale about my carrer.. even if I don't get it.. hey... I've been for an interview.. yeh!!

My 3 precious girls look very confused today. I woke up to Yasmin staring at my face sleeping on my comforter, Fibi in Farisa's room and Mina slept in the toilet. Must be the new cat food... Hey.. not my fault its so difficult to get ANF nowadays. Whatever it is, they have to learn.

Eye's swollen again. Now its my left eye. Still wearing specs though....

I feel good... no one believes me, esp Emily, Mildred and Uma.. But I'm fine... Ian's right, I'm not getting depressed just a little down thats all. I'm well, I hope he is to.

Ian's very excited about his pal coming to visit. The word is enthusiastic and its nice seeing him like that.

If it vibrates like a handphone.... hhmm....

2005-09-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that I'm actually envious of my brother's N Gage. That's weird, very weird. Dare not touch it coz I have very bad hands on new stuff, esp if its not mine...

Things got better, I just need time for myself, can't remember the last time I laze around in bed. Its just one of those periods.... But it was hard for me, seriously hard... at one point I don't know what I was so upset about but I finally realised what was actually bothering me alot.

I've always been the " leave it alone" kind.. super bo-chap. The thing with my mum will always remain an issue, its not getting better, not so soon. I have to live with it. I cannot let just one big issue ruin my thoughts and my life and how I take things. Its not healthy. I felt like I haven't slept for days and I'm mentally exhausted. I worked too hard and I spent alot of time in the hospital. But hey.. its not the end of the world.. sleep... who cares...

I took time off from work til Sunday. Gonna have a massage, facial, do my brows, sleep early wake up late, listen to Spice Girls, go out have fun... Salsaaaa.........................

Need to buy Ana's birthday present... Already have something in mind.... I hope I don't need one for myself.... Geez.....

PO

2005-09-15T10:23:00.000+08:00

Good morning.. After so much about ignoring or shall I call it abandoning my blog, I'm back again... I miss doing this...
People think my blog is just like an online journal, hmm.... it depends on how you look at it, I tell crappy stuff in here, sometimes I didn't realise I made myself the main subject of humiliation....

Think.... You've built a nice Jenga tower and very happy about it, some cat came walking and slapping it down....
I can't get PO, its a cat....

Well, I have a Smiling Red Face right now.... :-)

Blah 2

2005-09-13T09:21:00.000+08:00

Just got up... never felt this fresh and energised for a loooong time.....
Been working my ass off, yeah I did make some money but still not enough to supplement my commitments...

Gosh! I feel so ashamed to admit I like techno music..... Esp stuff from Toy Box and Aqua.... Yeah its lame but.. you know.... I get stressed from work and yadayadayada.... I just want something simple and lame... REALLY stupid and lame...... haha.... Try Tarzan and Jane..... I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant...???? WHAT???? Go cheeta... get banana, hey monkey get funky....????????!!!!!
Mats sent me a track called Call On Me.. some swedish guy who made crazy amount of money for just saying... Call On Meeeeeeeeeee................
That one is my fav.... really keep you going... imagine... Red Bull.. Something like that...

Mooncake's back, after a nice weekend in Pattaya...How nice? I don't know... yet to hear stories.... but it sound so cool....

Been stuffing myself with mooncakes over the weekend.... getting fat.. thanks to Yew Kheng...Delicious.... can't imagine those tiny little eggy lotus stuff can get me so aroused... hmm.. aroused not the right word... hehe... must be the sugar.... haha.. anyway those tiny monsters will be around only once a year... what the hell....

Taking my IELTS soon....

Blah

2005-09-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

Just got back from work, took a little detour to British Council to get the IELTS booklet. I know i've been neglecting my blog recently...
Been very busy with work.... well, it was my choice... anyway... too tired...

All bout the money

2005-09-03T10:51:00.000+08:00

Good morning!!!! I woke up well, slept very well... Accepted an assignment yesterday.. Going back to the same patient, doing 8pm-8am. .. I know I said I prefer not to come back but then its a $200 bucks assignment and I don't know if there's anything good or might not have anything for me.. since I know what to do with this guy, I might as well take the job! And its a weekend rate.. damn... I must be stupid not to take the job.... So called Carol, confirmed the job..yeh!!! I shall stop awhile after this assignment... very tired...

I love my desktop wallpaper... everytime I look at it, I smile so widely... really wide.... haha.... my mum thinks I'm crazy... anyway tu madré es loca...

Brought Fibi for a walk this morning, around the house... with a string.... Cats are so innocent and arrogant... thats why we love them...

I feel good these days... I feel good, money going in my bank account... not gaining weight, complexion got better with the cheapo face wash I'm using... shall be using that for a very long time... work's good, I feel energetic and lively...yes Salsa ... Salsa Salsa Salsa.....

Give it to me baby... ahuh ahuh..... give it to me baby..

2005-09-02T09:21:00.000+08:00

I'm 175 bucks richer!!! Yeah!!! To start the ball rolling.... its not easy money though... esp with my back, it was a challenge.It was easier to clear the 12 hours this time compared to the one at Somerset Cairnhill... that was a real torture, I could actually cry hard on my first 2 hour mark.. I never once thought before nursing could be like this. But was desperate to start putting money in the bank, so I took whatever I get hold of. Whatever it is its the experience.... I've been through this. You tend to appreciate on whats going around you and seriously it got the better person out of me. They want me back on Sunday night, but I don't know if I can put up with it... still....

I got my money and left... I held the cash and know I worked hard for it... and money's not easy to come by and like what they say, money won't drop from the sky. I walked out from the estate and waited for the bus... yes BUS...... no cab but BUS.... suppose to meet Haniffa for..... SALSA!!! Damn.... I can't wait... seriously can't wait...
I took any bus that came.. alighted at Newtown.. oopss.. not Newtown.. its NEWTON... Miss Newtown though.. Choka's chicken especially...

So happen I met Haniffa on the train... We made our way to Union Square... Twinkle and gang were there.... cool.... Supposely a nice band is in town and playing only that night in Singapore... I went in and it was breathtaking.... The beats of latin music, give me the bachatas and merengues!!! I didn't care whether I look good or not, I went to the dancefloor and started practising with Haniffa. We did the turns and I was the "guy"... I suck at being the lead...

Band started playing..... cool... I started dancing... I don't care!!!! C'mon!!! Nearly 2 MONTHS NO SALSA.. what do u think????? Dance, Dance...... Danced with Twinkle's friend, can't remember his name... but it was cool.... super cool.... Met Cik Lin's younger sister, whatever her name is. She was this super arrogant fat girl.. tried to acknowledge her but she wasn't interested.. so fine! Whatever!!! She was happily drowning herself with BICARDI ( Good luck to ya girl).. LOL...

I suggested to Haniffa to go to HRC.... Salsa night.... So we went.... Paid cover charge,... 10 bucks only, so what the hell!!! It was SUPER COOL........... Look exactly like in Sydney.... Crowd are so much better....
Saw Shaun and the rest of the LADC gang.... I asked this guy in green to dance.. ( no shame, Annisa)... chinese lad... he said he was a beginner... Damn he lied... he spun me til I can't stand still! Bastard! Haniffa was talking to this semi cute malay bartender guy... he look young... say 22? 23? Saw his nametag... had a good laugh... it said "Boey" pronounced as boy as in B-O-Y.... typical!!!! LOL...

Haniffa had dono what alcoholic thing.. I had Ginger Ale... It was a good night... I'm all perked up... ready for the week.... Call me crazy, but I'm all freshened up... I'm a very happy girl... very very happy.... muahahahahahahahha......

It was a good night, I earned that extra bucks and I had my dose of Salsa..

I should be sleeping

2005-08-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping right now.. its already 1118hrs!!!.... Kept telling myself that I've gotta go back to work again tonight.... Somehow I can't. I have to patiently sit down and wait before I could sleep comfortably. I cannot stress myself if I want good results... naturally...

I'm singing.. or should I say screaming to Take That... All I do each night is Pray.... My head's groggy and I'm exhausted, even though I didnt do much yesterday... I wasn't in the good mood at work last night, and I blame it on Kelly, I know I shouldn't say but that girl really pissed me off yesterday.....

Great..... :-( Stand By Me is playing..... Crap...

I cry alot these days, its not tears of sadness, nothing to be sad about just that I am very frustrated..... super extremely frustrated....

I need to go back to Salsa... seriously...

I've found it!!!

2005-08-28T10:55:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I cried the other night over something so small.... thinking about it ,now it felt stupid, but at that time I felt as if its to cry for.... I so badly want to talk about it so I called Ian... Just hearing a familiar voice, he made me feel so calm and relax.... I just need a little "sayang-sayang"", a pat on the head... the reassuarance, somebody to tell me I'm cute and I don't have a problem with anything... of course must be honest about it....

I was desperately looking for a pair of jeans yesterday... searching like mad.... tried on hundreds..... couldn't find the perfect fit.... nearly bought the one from girodano... my butt looked pumped up.. UGLY.... its lycra and the material sticks to my skin felt so un-jeans like..and it didn't sit nicely on my hips... I felt like crap. Walked to Dorothy Perkins.... was quite confident I could find something coz I love the one I was wearing.... I couldn't find anything coz all the jeans look the same.... like the ONLY PAIR I had.... I was disheartened.. nearly wanted to give up... The girls wanted to go to Bugis Street to look around, I was pissed I couldn't find the perfect replacement. I wanted to channel myself to Levi's for sure I could find something since they have like a million jeans... but I don't like the idea of people knowing what size I'm wearing.. like W 29 L 30... showing off to the public. Oh yeah talking about size, other than getting disappointed at Giordano, I found that I could fit into a 27!!! KIV if I try harder or didn't eat or not constipated I could easily slip in a 26!!! Yeh!!

OK OK.. So we were walking along Bugis Street, Ana pointed to this shop with jeans! jeans! jeans!... I told myself what the hell... go in... I'm not brand conscious of anything but just that I cant even find a perfect fit with good labels... let alone...u know what I mean??..

I pulled out this dark coloured pair and ask for my size and tried it on.... very nice fit.... but too short.... I felt pissed again... So this cheena-bukit salesgirl gave me another pair.... I went in and tried.... JACKPOT! Sits nicely on my hips, my ass looks GREAT, length's good, cant see my butt crack when I sit.... I was estatic... I asked for the price... $25 bucks!! Awesome! Far OuT!! I tried on another pair, light coloured ones... very the Ian.... Ian like faded ones..... I never had light/faded ones and since its 25 bucks and love my ass.. why not??? So I left the shop with 2 pairs!!

Had my hair cut.... haven't had them trimmed or anything done since DECEMBER!!!!!! So what the hell, went to this place called Diva at Far East Plaza.... the lady charged me $30 bucks.. she did a really good job, I love my hair now... seriously loving it...

One thing I've learned that people change, I've changed....

The smell of success...

2005-08-26T12:23:00.000+08:00

I'm here patiently waiting for my time to come to go.I badly need the sample for VRE screening.... I'm getting impatient, but I'm trying to relax.. not think about it, the more I think the more difficult it is to eliminate. Its hard and the situation doesn't help, the tiny white bottle is screaming at me to hurry up coz the clinic closes at 3pm.
Trying my very best to make it happen... drew the curtains, on the fan to full speed, listening to those CDs with the soothing nature thingy... have a glass of banana milk and had mee siam.. add some "spice into it"... I'm not alone, Yasmin is here, faithfully sitting next to me, I take it as an act of moral support... LOL...

Other ppl think it stinks, to me its the smell of success..... stronger the better...LOL..

Ana's coming home today, and I don't expect to see a happy smile....She left behind someone who suddenly became very important in her life. Its something she's been waiting and hope for, but doesn't seem to find it... no wonder coz its hiding in Sydney City. I'm all ready for her arrival and I understand how hard it is coz after all, she's my best friend. How much I disagree or disappointed with her, after all she is my best friend. My love for Ana never will change. It breaks my heart to see her in misery and i know she will be here in Singapore... but reality hits, Ana has to be practical...

I clueless on what I want in my life... I can't decide on what I want to do with my life...
I always wanted to work overseas and I chose Sydney.. why? coz I'm very familiar with the place and I do have friends around... But I'm afraid... I don't know if its the right choice. Why Sydney? Why not elsewhere? Since I know Sydney why not go somewhere more foreign and see the other side of the world since I'm kinda done with Australia... where Middle East? UK? US?

Another choice is to do my degree... For sure I can't afford to study overseas... My choice of Uni.. University Of Sydney... and I can do it here in Singapore on part time basis for 2 years. which means I'm tied down to Singapore for the next 2 years. I want to go abroad...... Unless there's something to keep me here in Singapore... unless they can pay me equivalent to what I can get overseas... which is a wishful thinking on my part...

10926.07km

2005-08-23T19:42:00.000+08:00

I rather wear a cat suit than what I was wearing earlier... Never ever trust my judgement on fashion in the wee hours in the morning...Slap on a thick red blusher, and I'm all ready to be the clown of the town... literally.
I had my purple cap-sleeved top ( the ones I bought from Paddy's), with my favourite Dorothy Perkins jeans... high cut sandals and my grey-bright pink "Bad Girl" hood jacket. What was I thinking???? I look tired.. very very tired..... exhausted.... knackered... switched-off...
I don't just look tired.... I am tired....

I have'nt been writing up my blog.... I'm just too tired.. there's a lot of things in my mind, I just can't find the energy to let the mind go and let my fingers wonder...to the point I find typing is a chore... how I wish that the screen automatically comes out with words, just by me staring at it...

I feel sick today.... didn't get the chance to tell him that... even to get a little "sayang-sayang" over the phone... I'm down with fever and bad sore throat even though I sound alright... throat feels itchy... how i wish I could put my hand inside and scratch as much as I want...
My body feels warm and I sneeze like mad.... I constipate..... yeah you're right... I miss Ian...

I miss Ian alot actually... I can't believe he is far away... Sometimes I forget that he's at HOOOOOME........ not at "home", sitting at the couch, watching some English stuff on DVDs, with his comforter and Indonesian-maid "home-uniform" with a mug of hot Milo, after slapping his face with moisturiser and trying to go to bed ASAP... and with me worrying about his RF....

I'm glad he's doing well, very well in fact and the fact that he's compliant to treatment... I'm very proud of him..

I cannot wait for Wednesday....

What?

2005-08-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

Well, I lost it again... My enthusiasm all gone.... Dono what happened... I was very estatic about going to work and everything... and I kept it that way... trying my best to maintain it.....
This morning I woke up and I lost it... I just lost it.... I don't feel like doing anything, I don't want to eat, I just want to lie down and just stay in bed.... What's so wrong? What went wrong? I have no idea... Yes, I've acknowledged my troubles... but shouldn't be this bad right... Are there more to come? I feel so tied down and restricted..... I feel like I don't have a choice what to do with my life, where everything has to get an approval.

Yeah I need to build up that self esteem again... and I'm such a sensitive bitch... I take everything so personal and I feel so strongly about everything when it doesn't concern me to start with for eg, the whole thing about Mildred...I don't want to be in that category... Shit.... I feel so shitty right now.... Dead shitty.....

Can't wait for 25th... just hope everything will fall back in place. When all this gonna end????

I feel so emotionally strained........
Even the baby in the picture didn't cry like me....

That's it... I don't care what people say.... I'M GOING SALSA TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah Ian said he might be able to extend his stay here til Christmas.... He was very excited into telling me that... but I just smile and didn't show much enthusiasm... WHY?????????? I Should have....... coz I really was!!! I was so damn bloody excited, I didnt show much of it maybe because subconciously I didn't want to look like a loser...ha ha... But I was glad!
It felt like fireworks in my tummy when I got to know he wants to stay til then..... Can he tell me that again... rewind or something... LOL

Happy National Day

2005-08-10T12:14:00.000+08:00

Can you believe what technology can do nowadays??? I've watched National Day Parades as far back as I can remember.... nothing looked like the one this year.... And this is one National Day that I would never ever forget..... I had alot of fun...

Seriously I'm lost for words, and i'm sure nothing like this is gonna happen again....
I realised I'm lost for words these few days and I find it very difficult to talk or to express myself, as if my mind and my mouth dont work well together anymore... either one went on strike.....

I've just finished uploading the pictures and putting them in order, emailing them to Ian to distribute to the rest. Great photos by the way....

I'm very excited to go to work tomorrow. Nobody would believe it but I'm telling ya... its true...I miss being brutal and nasty. Ironic isnt it?
Tomorrow going to National Skin Centre, then head to SGH.....
On afternoon shift... yes!!! I'm sure I'll be cursing and swearing after shift ends, but what the hell.....

I finally come clean on whats bothering me.... I feel so much better, although I feel like a freakshow......

I'm a lazy pig...

2005-08-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

I woke up well, very well in fact, Had my Ipod playing since last night, surprised it was still playing when I woke up.... 111 songs played while I was sleeping!!! Woke up to Crush by Jennifer Paige.
Had my muesli bar... the ones I bought from Bi-Los.... warm water and locked myself in the bathroom for about 15 mins... I have to if I want to start my day right. I got no plans today, stay home, nurse my back.

I don't feel upset or depressed at all today. Great!!! I just need to go back to work thats all.
was watching The Oprah Show earlier, about Father's Day.... Billy Crystal was on it... had a good laugh for an hour.

My CD hasn't arrive yet.... What is taking Adrian so long!!!!

I'm still reading up about the whole Rosacea thing... I already knew, just want to see what is on the net that made him so upset...I can't believe he scared himself....

Just keep the happy thoughts going

2005-08-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

My blog is getting boring....
I had a great evening I must say... Wore one of my fav tops.... the one I bought in Sydney.... Sydney... damn... for the first time I don't want to mention it at all... I love it and all but just don't want to think of Sydney right now.... Í know its a small matter, but I'm very sensistive these few weeks, I need to go back to work, be strong headed and brutal again... if not I'm just a sensitive bitch.

I realise I'm very slow in sinking in vital informations... I remember the time when the bomb was dropped on me, and was so damn bloody cool about it... and to realise it only the next morning on what happened.... then I started reacting to the situation. But its all too late. Sometimes in a way its better.....

Tonight was no different.... I was very cooooooool.......... I didnt realise til 3 minutes ago, then my face started to get warm and my hands got all sweaty...
Temp: 37.5
Pulse : 115bpm ( not joking)
Resp: 19
BP: 125/65
It felt like my chest was in the oven as if I swallowed a fireball sinking in my esophagus straight to my stomach.
Like huh???????? Was it???? Damn....
Anyway nothing much can be done.... just happy thoughts....
I turn on my iTunes listening to supposely happy songs... just to change the mood... ( it really helps sometimes)

Try it..... ( in no particular order)

Pet Shop Boys-- Go West ( I used to listen to it when I was like 11 )
Duran Duran -- Hungry Like A Wolf ( same childhood thing)
Boy George-- Karma Chameleon
Madonna -- Like A Virgin ( touched for the very first time.. like a viiiiirgin... makes your heatbeat next to mine....)
Wham! -- Wake Me Up Before You Go Go... ( Jitterbugs......Jitterbugs....)
Mystikal -- Shake Your Ass ( he put his dick in his hand???!!!???)
Jamiroquai -- Love Foolsophy
The Pointer Sisters -- I'm So Excited ( addictive)
Elvis Costello -- I'll Never Fall In Love Again (sad song I know.. but tune sounds happy.... who cares about lyrics anyway.......LOL)
The Rascals -- A Beautiful Morning.... ( yes my fav!!) ** Highly recommend**
Gloria Estefan -- Conga ( Warning: a little bit stressful...)
Vanessa Amorosi -- Absolutely Everybody
Violent Femmes -- Blister In The Sun
Swirl 360 -- Candy In The Sun
The Cranberries -- Dreams ( Thanks to You've Got Mail )
Lipps Inc -- Funky town
Aqua -- Happy Boys and Girls
Whitney Houston -- I Wanna Dance With Somebody ( ahuh...)
Jennifer Lopez -- Let's Get Loud ( presenté!!!)
Nina Sky -- Move Your Body ( always think of Wini )
Los Del Rio -- Macarena
Pat Boone -- Speedy Gonzales ( la la lalalalalala la......lala...)
Village People -- YMCA ( YYYYYYYMMMMCCCAAAAA)
?????? -- The Final Countdown

Songs that will bring me all the way down............

Adrian Cunningham -- Blue Skies
Bread -- Everything I Own
Taylore Dayne -- Love Will Lead You Back
Gabrielle -- Sunshine ( still makes me cry )
Harry Nillson -- Remember ( long ago.... far away......)
Brian McNight -- One Last Cry
Celine Dion -- Tell Him
Kelly Clarkson -- The Trouble With Love Is
Toni Braxton -- Unbreak My Heart ( sure to cry very hard)
Jamiroquai -- Picture Of My Life

Anyway I'm gonna take it easy.... I'm still young, why get depressed so easily...

Don't Cry Out Loud.....

2005-08-04T11:00:00.000+08:00

I got so many things to note down earlier but now I kinda forget my thoughts. Listening to Corner Of The Earth.....

I got to get my thoughts straightened out again.... I thought I have it all planned but I got it messed up all over again.... and I think I have made it worse. I don't know what to do, but I know for sure I'll be fine....
Honestly I don't know how to deal with it... I'm very afraid to picture what is it gonna be like when the time comes... but I don't want to talk about it.....

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
( Melissa Manchester, 1978)

Melissa Manchester wasn't much of a help anyway... LOL.....

I was thanked and appreciated for something which I think nothing of. I didn't do anything. It breaks my heart alot to be honest. I can see the pain and the misery and the anxiety by just looking. I didn't ask... well not everybody is like me... I'm truely sadden... I knew something was wrong but it was brought to my attention only recently. I cannot be selfish, I have to let it go.

I so much want to talk about what's been bothering me, but I stepped back. I have this fear of being rejected, of being judged and misunderstood. Its terrible... I wanted it to be as discreet as possible but I ended up talking rubbish which obviously normal people could not comprehend.

This whole thing is like battling with cancer. You know when you gonna die and you're trying so hard to put everything together before the day comes... The pain and the anxiety and fear all rolled into one. Its sad but you know you gotta go like it or not.... As the day grew nearer the more frightening it gets..... Just fear of the unknown.....

Using humour as a defence mechanism doesn't help much...
Well..... just go through with it...

Sunday Morning

2005-08-01T08:22:00.000+08:00

Gotta buzz off in 5 mins, physio appt today.
I woke up well today, well to precise I woke up in shock. I didn't know what time is my appt. I didn't remember I'm suppose to have a right sided back pain... COOL.... Fantastic!!! Ripped off my bag, looking for the tiny little card... Damn.. it says 1015hrs Wendy.. Did a short calculation... means I gotta leave by 0900 to 0915hrs. 1/2 to get ready... (tough) and zoom out. Means I got to get up by......... NOW!!!! Shit!!!!

Its funny its 0828hrs now and I'm here writing up my blog listening to what else.. hhhmmm.. whats on now... Ahhh... A Beautiful Moon...
Yeah man... Miss talking to Andro....

I had a very good Sunday. Overslept a little.... Everyone was at home... Bapak was at his territory with tons of newspapers and remove control, the carpet and the huge pillows. Mak as usual in the kitchen, screaming to clean up after the cats... Farisa's job... She was quite concern of me going swimming.. either on what was I going to wear or whether I'll be alright doing it. All these while my mum never really question of my well being, I took it as a compliment as in I can take care of myself.
I did cleaning up before I leave, yeah have to be the good daughter sometimes, well, I didn't do much while staying home. I was late for my appt for sure, but I can't leave my mum just like that.
Was looking forward to take the train.... took cab instead.... damn which means I got to sit for... say.... 15 mins.... not sure if I can do that.
Tell you the truth.... I was very excited. Excited about what? I have no idea.... I had my ipod plugged in and nodding my head and in my mind, my hands swinging and my hips moving effortlessly.... Yes... I was listening to Conga... Gloria Estefan... lame I know.... lol... moving through CTE.

Taxi uncle wasn't sure where I was going so he stopped outside hoping that I didn't mind, that I would settle the fare and zoom out. NoPE!!! I insisted him to get in the buliding, I don't think I want to strain myself even before getting there. He was pissed but its none of my concern. I took sometime to settle my stuff and get myself out and slammed the door... I really did...

I sat on the bench waiting patiently....rubbing my back at the same time.... My heart was pounding as if I'm going for some race or something.... Whats wrong with me man??... keep cool.... act cool..... it was really weird...

I got in all by myself... It was cool and comfortable.... I didn't want to leave..... I missed it alot...

Why did I?

2005-07-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

I can easily say that I've gained 2 kilos even without weighing myself... Its expected... on the lifestyle I'm having now. Listening to Bachata Rosa... saddest latin song I ever heard... like... Thanks.... the last thing I need right now.

I did something today which I shouldn't have done. Told myself many times not to do it, but I still did.. what's wrong with me? But today was an exception, I had to like it or not. Its a matter of showing my appreciation.
As usual, I felt bummed out. Anyway I did what I had to do and I've done it. I know when I'm not wanted. So I'm making my exit.... its sad I know... but what to do....Sianz.......

I can't believe that I cried for them. Never cried for such people before but why them? It came out naturally like as if they deserve it.... No.. definitely not if u ask me...

Aventura- Obsesion ( 2002 )

2005-07-29T08:41:00.000+08:00

Son las 5 de la maana y yo no e dormido nada
Pensando en tu bellesa y loco voy a parar
el imsomnio es mi castigo
Tu amor sera mi alivio
Y Hasta que no seas mia no vivire en pas
Y conosi tu novio pequeo y no hermoso
Y se que no te quiere por su forma de hablar
ademas tu no lo amas porque no da la talla
no sabe complaserte como lo haria yo
Pero tendrr paciensia porque no es competencia
Por eso no hay motivos para yo respetarlo

Noo, no es amor,
lo que tu sientes se llama obsession,
una illusion, en tu pensamiento,
que te hace hacer cosas,asi funciona el corazon

Bien vestido aya en mi lexus,
pase por tu colegio,
me informan que te fuiste,
como loco te fui alcansar
pero es que no te encontraba, y eso me preocupabapara
calmar mi ancia yo te queria llamar,
pero no tenia tu numero, y tu amiga ya me lo nego,
ser bonito mucho me ayudo, y eso me trajo la solucion
yo se que le gustava y le di una Mirada,
con par de palabritas tu numero me dio,
del cellular llamava, y tu no contestabas,
luego te pusi un beeper y no avia connection, mi unica esperenza es que hoiga
mis palabras(no puedo, tengo novio) no me enganches profavor

Dysmenorrhoea

2005-07-28T09:39:00.000+08:00

Good morning... Got up to the sms beep...
*Listening to Gloria Estefan's Mi Tierra*-- a very good morning song... keeps you going...
Woke up with dysmennorhoea, damn now its frontal pain... Back and front... what more can I ask for? LoL...
I'm seriously bored, lying down all the time, now I understand why they say you'll go crazy when you get nothing to do.. I'm one such victim. I do stupid things, I say stupid things, I think of stupid things. Make you so depress. You think about things you don't want to think about and just be miserable... And worst... NO SALSA... I'm going nuts....

Call me crazy but Salsa has always kept me happy and my mind occupied. I don't know if I'm good at it but I feel joyful.
Part of me is telling me that my current condition now is due to Salsa, which I refuse to agree. I did Salsa almost everyday in Sydney, can just imagine!!!! Yeah maybe it is.. I didnt take the intermediate that started last Tuesday and I feel pissed with myself. I told Paul and Debra I was coming back.

*Listening to Aventura's Obsecion*---- this one is very sexy... Can get so hooOORNY just listening to it... HAHAHAHAHA...... I'm not joking!!
It has a bachata influence to it... Damn I'm suppose to have Bachata tonight!!!! SHIT!! SHIT!! SHIT!! I can't go.... Don't want to go around with my hip in my hand walking to the hospital... "Hi! I need a new spine.."

I miss Salsa....... sob sob sobbing really hard.... ;-( Hopefully a month later I just pop in for Salsa loco night or Union Square... hehe... gotta call Twinkle... bring Ian... yeh... cool plan...

Always wanted to teach Ian Salsa but everytime when the opportunity comes, I'm too tired or no music... yeah no music is always the case.... Pink Martini is not good enough.... bring Ian to Union Square... then show him how to do Salsa..... how good I am.... kwakakaka.... lol... nah I might just spin around like a drunk all over the dancefloor. Make a fool of myself... hehe... HEY! but I was alright in Sydney.. get lots of offers... 2nd offers and 3rd offers... hehe.. I miss those times....

Plan for today: Shower soon...
1. Use heat pack for 20 mins and at the same time eye mask and my lavender face mask......
2. get dressed... take 20 mins more than usual.... for obvious reasons...
3. Get my paper bag of stuff and march to Woodlands Post office, or Yishun see if Vaina wants lunch... Maybe just Woodlands... cannot take it standing too long.
4. Mail the stuff to Sydney and maybe get food??? HHmmm.... nice... what shall I get??? With dysmenorrhoea can't eat much... Maybe McDonalds?? or Sushi??? Yes!!I love Sushi...Miss the sushi at Toa Payoh's Fiesta. Haven't been there for ages...
5. Rent movies....
6. Job hunting... CVs in hand....

*Listening to The Pretender's Don't Get Me Wrong...*
......DON'T GET ME WRONG.... IF I'M LOOKING KIND OF DAZZLED.... I SEE NEON LIGHTS ....WHENEVER YOU WALK BY .....
Has a very Primary School feel to it....

To summarise the whole thing... I'm depressed....

Cakap Melayu kalau betul tak ape!

2005-07-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

Selamat malam....
Pertama kali berblogging dalam bahasa melayu... Kalau bahasanye betul tak ape jugak.... mengarut banyak....apelah Annisa..... betulnye tak betul.

Nak dikatakan, hati saya ni sakit sekali. Kenapa boleh jadi bergini? Topik apa yang di bincangkan ini?? Apa lagi kalau tak soal bercinta.... malu nak berbincang topik ini.

Saya sudah cuba sedaya upaya hendak melupakanye tetapi... in no vail.... lol...tetapi tak berupaya...
Dapat bayangkan saat kepiluan setelah dia pergi.... Sakit hati ini hendak mengucapkan selamat tinggal. Apa mahu buat... dah nasib badan... lol..
Nak balik, balik lor..... Tetap akan merindu tapi hidup must go on.. Orangnye baik.....

Sebetul betul nye.... saya rasa terlalu bosan di rumah... Makan.. tidur.. makan tidur.. makan tidur.. berak.... ape lagi mahu dibuat. Enggak bisa pusing ke kini atau kenan.... sakit sekali... Aduh!!!!!! Enggak bisa ke kantor di rumah sakit...... setiap soré terlalu bosan sekali....
Apa macam boleh jadi Bahasa Indonesia pulak ni????? Crap!!

Setelah ke hospital dirawat di physiotherapy..... saya pergi ke pasar tekka untuk mengemas bulu kening.... Setelah itu... ke Arab Street untuk membeli hadiah hari jadi untuk rakan di Sydney. Hadiah dibeli termasuk baju batik dan seruling. Tak sabar nak hantar hadiah nye itu.

Ini lah jadi nye kalau terlalu bosan sangat... Buat perkara berbodoh-bodohan... hahahahha

Ape dah??????

2005-07-26T19:54:00.000+08:00

Britain, Britain, Britain, Everybody is welcome in Britain.... We are open 9 til 6 Monday til Saturday.. No foreign gentleman please... but what makes Britain such a wonderful place to visit for an afternoon.. why... its the people of Britain and it is these which we will look at today..... oOOOO My Sweet Lord...

How Great England Is???

Hmmm... I don't know.. I've never been there. One thing for sure everyone's speaks English... duh!!! I was told that England is cool and sedentary and everything's is at a distance so its nice to cycle from one place to another.

How Great England Is????

Hmmm... I don't know... I've never been there. Was told that they have great amusement parks. Its over a big area... where the rides are scattered around. You have to walk through the parks to get to another ride... Sounds fun...

How Great England Is????

Hmmm... I don't know.... I've never been there.. From what I know the distance from Singapore to Manchester, England is 10937 km. Its great coz its far away from home, never been as far as that....

How Great England Is????

Hmmm... I don't know... I've never been there.... Have Little Britain as my reference.. but I'm sure that wouldn't be fair.... And the English wouldn't be too happy either.

How Great England Is????

Hmmm... I don't know... I've never been there.. ( cut that crap).... But The Englishmen..... HHHMMMM.....
Gotta stop, don't want to get sued...... trying my best to be the nice...LOL

[ Yes!! I took up the challenge and I did it!!! At least I came up with something...give it to me baby.... anything... muahahahaha....]

So do I want to go to England???
Noo but... yeah... but... noo but... yeah...but...... noo but... yeah.... sure but maybe later... got no money right now.... But definitely will... aiming for my next trip if I don't get to work in Sydney... Pls mum.....

Damn U PID!

2005-07-26T10:32:00.000+08:00

Just got up, spoke to Mats earlier. Damn it was funny.... haha...
My back hurts like crazy...painscore: 7... I'm dead serious. Haven't taken my pills yet, thats the thing I'm always non compliant to medicines. I find it so hard and I'm lazy to get up and prepare them. Even though its just a less than 5 minutes job.

Chatting with Michael right now.. He makes alot of sense and he made me feel so much better about things. Thanks to him I'm looking at the whole situation in another way. I hope I will be ok, I'm sure I will anyway.

I'm hungry but too painful to get up and eat. I feel so shitty about my back, not being able to go out. I'm so bored..... I do stupid things when I'm bored. I feel so lonely and upset.

*Listening to Adrian's Soul Food*

Sweating on a Saturday morning

2005-07-23T09:20:00.000+08:00

For some reason or another, I'm glad to be going to work today. I was so dead bored yesterday. Usually I'm pretty ok with staying home and do nothing but sleep. My hip still hurts and I'm still worried about Salsa on Tuesday. Had to do the copa last Tuesday at Salsa, and felt a sharp pain so I can't move as fast. Didn't want to make it and issue but was so upset when salsa mate Paul said.. "But you were in Sydney for 2 weeks!! " Damn, he wasn't that good either... haha.. I'm such a sore loser...
People I like to dance with in class... hhmm... IN PARTICULAR ORDER

1) Winston... ( Chinese Singaporean... so good.... and very patient and signals you well... So you don't have to think so much while dancing. Just go with the flow... I feel good about myself dancing with him.

2) Dono his name ( Must be one of the SMU students... he look like a Chinese national.. he's way shorter than me, but he's a good lead..)
The thing about men being good dancers is that they have to be a good lead. So its easier for girls to tell what they want them to do. And the duo will look very natural.

3) Julian ( mistaken for Chilean, but actually French... don't see him around much but he came for a few sessions. Good thing about him, he smiles while he dance and he seems to be enjoying it. He looks like he's there for social dancing not to learn.

4) Paul ( mistaken for Swedish.. he look so like Mats... but actually Englishman... Weird thing, understanding him is such a breeze....
My worst English encounter: Mrs Andrea Sweetman.. my Secondary 2 english teacher.... god knows what she's trying to say. She made me feel so stupid... I remembered I got to go for detention just because I told Mrs Sweetman to speak English... I was just being naughty. So it was big news, school prefect in detention for insulting a teacher. hey man, if she wants to teach better speak up. I still failed literature, partly blaming Andrea Sweetman, but can't make it official.
Ian has the heavy accent too, but kinda get the hang of it. Still not too bad. Andrea Sweetman was tiring just trying to understand. Which kampong she came from????
Getting back to Salsa... Paul thin, tall blondie... he's ok, not too bad, but he seems to be thinking alot. Remembered once he danced like a drunked man... too much turning... haha....

Got Bachata on Thursday!! Yeh!!! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait for Ana to come home. I miss her so much. So so so much. Breaks my heart that shes sick and so far away.
Wonder hows Pamela.... miss smoking with her...
How I wish things were like before with Andro... miss talking to him alot pre Sydney days. He's busy and all so I think I better stop calling.. don't want to be a pest.

My D-day is coming. Not looking forward.... But I'm sure I'll still be in one piece. I'll be alright. I choose to do this, I better handle it... So far I'm doing very well. Surprisingly.

Ali Coowar emailed the other day. Man, he seems to be enjoying working in Perth.... He thought I'll be in Sydney by now. I should be actually. To work. Told him to come visit me in Singapore..... haha... Ali Coowar damn good looking Mauritian guy, sorry girls... hes attached... met his gf before at SGH D&D... ok ok looking lah.... (Annisa sour grapes..)

Gotta bring the girls to the vet on Monday..... Annual visit. Gonna be ugly. Yasmin and Fibi better settle their differences by Monday since I'm putting them in the same cage. Gonna be hard taking a cab.

Going to run errands before work today. Do my eyebrows and pay my bills. Its not funny!

Knackered............

2005-07-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired right now... or how Ian like to put it.. "I'm knackered!" I had a long day today... Went to work, morning shift... big headache at work.... Went for lectures and Diana gave a presentation on CA Prostate. Very interesting. Somewhere during the lectures, I was worried that I will be too tired to meet Ian in the evening. But I so much want to see Ian.... despite the run-down blusher and eyeliner, hair pulled back, no lipstick and over worn jeans. Yeah I wore this pair like a zillion times! Don't judge me by the jeans I wear. What's inside that counts.... hahahahahahhaha.... ( What's wrong with me, man???)

I really enjoyed my date, even though it was like watching movie with my little brother. Screaming and getting excited at girls and bombings.... boys will be boys..... Forgiven.... Understand and understood...
Surpringly I enjoyed the movie alot, despite it being sci-fic/fantasy. Had a good laugh at everything. Oh yeah... I watched The Island.... kinky....

Wore my red jacket today, the one I bought at Paddy's. No compliments from anybody. Sad sad sad.....

Dinner date was at Bishan Junction 8's Long John Silver's. My date's fish shrunk as if they were feeding kids. Mine was surprisingly small too. Ian squeezed out packets of chili sauce for me, as if I was his pet cat.... So sweet... Can't remember what we discussed about, but I'm sure we talked alot. Had a good laugh. Overall I enjoyed my date.

Dropped Ian off along the road... haha.. nah dropped him off at his place before Mr Cabbie turn in to BKE that leads to Woodlands. Suffered mild motion sickness.... first thing I did... Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......... then lie down...... nearly fall asleep but gotta get up and shower before going to bed.

Spoke to Adelene Aw Yong on the phone, bumped into her at LJS, so called her up chatted awhile. Miss the old GV days.

Mum still unhappy about my eyebrows

I give up.

2005-07-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

At this point of time, I'm gonna say it.... I GIVE UP!!!!!
I did whatever I can at the expense of my pride..... I finally gave up!
How I wish things were back to before....
Don't say I didn't try.

The 3 sisters.....

2005-07-19T12:06:00.000+08:00

The human version of the 3 sisters.

Marhanah ( the one with the 'A' jacket ): Obviosuly doesnt do justice with the jacket... Get a 'M' one girl... or 'H'.... Give that one to me!! LoL.... The big sister of the trio, the host of everything, accomodating and high maintaince ( in a good way) .. Somebody gotta take control... Well.... not always in control, have her silly moments and only to realise it days after... too late to cover anything by then.... haha...

Marhanah aka Ana aka Hanah is my best friend.... and my worst enemy. We do silly things, the sillest you can imagine. She's small and petite the size of a barbie doll.... I wear the clothes she can't wear, and she have the toiletries that I don't want to bring home.

Always get ourselves into the same or similar problems everytime. So tried to console each other and try to give solutions and at the end of the day we got the answers we wanted and plus it came out from ourselves. How dumb is that????? Girls just being girls.... We are ladies we do ladies stuff... ( only i think thats funny)

Even though I find Ana being irrational sometimes, I love her to the core.. You got to have ur irrational moments to learn from it... Its good to be impulsive sometimes coz thinking too much is such a burden.

Ana is ultimately the Gorgeous one... heads will turn when she walk pass and never fail to get date offers.. She's sexy and men finds her a turn on. You can just fall in love with her salsa-ing away.... Plus she got a weird taste in men.... Ha ha ha.... ooopsss.... ppl have their own preferances, dont they????

Love you lah girlfriend....

Vaina (the one with the mole): Bought the pretty jacket from Paddy's... Won't call it Paddy's market.. so unglamourous. Ok, she bought it from Paddy's... nope!! not Paddy's... she bought it at SES along George Street, the one where I got the off shoulder top that Vaina never fail to forget about the me ''not wearing the jacket incident''. I love that jacket but they don't have it in my size... Damn you size 10.... its good coz the smaller sizes going cheap coz no one buys them coz Aussie girls have larger frames. But I like the Aussie fashion.

Vaina's the quiet one, the lady like one, the baby of the group. She got pampered by everyone..... So lucky.... Shes the running Miss Gorgeous after Ana.... just in case if Ana got ugly and fat, Vaina will be taking over the throne.

Vaina is Ana's cousin.... When they start talking about family stuff, I get clueless.... just nod along... haha... Vaina is every guy's dream gf, önly she knows what I mean... Luke said so.... Luke is the guy from Studs Afloat... damn ..... Studs Afloat.... lol..... still not my kind of thing.

Annisa ( the one with the brown jacket, which is not mine btw): Yup, its Ana's... Can't live with my denim jacket, or Ian's for that matter in Blue Mountains.... Still I felt as if my ears are dropping off and my runny nose nearly changed the mucous to ice... kwakaka... Yuck! Just kidding.... I'm the crappy one, talk off my head, don't care if its sensible or not. I'm the gate keeper and the one to drive the men away. I talk too much whether it makes sense or not...

I still look cute anyway.... hahaha.....

I should be asleep.......

2005-07-18T12:53:00.000+08:00

My right eye's swollen!!! Damn!!! My body aches like crazy, my nose all stuffed up and got dysphagia.... wow.. that drastic! Or maybe I'm just a Drama Mama... Simon says I am one anyway... I haven't start with him yet. I'm glad he's gone, he's such a torture.

*Listening to Wham!'s Wake me up before you go go*

Done with my string of night shift. Yesterday was the worst, I couldn't keep my eyes open! I did feel very unwell.... I was already feeling unwell in Sydney. Must be the temperature changes too.

* Listening to Adrian Cunningham's Triste*.. Adrian! Where's my CD?? lol.... He told me he gonna give his 2nd CD to me.

* Mum's watching Oprah Show right now*- eating Nougat I bought... damn you nougats... I put on 2 kilos over those small little cutie candy.... they look harmless but see what it did to my waist. Do má!- Sonny must be so proud of me saying that....

I'm suppose to be asleep right now, and its raining... nice weather to snuggle up to... with Fibi... she's great to sleep with... wonder if she gets cold with nothing on, just her choker. She tickles alot, Fibi likes to sleep on her tummy or put her head in my singlet. Love watching her sleep, she's gorgeous!

Gotta meet Ian at about 6.30pm later at Sembawang.. suppose to"bump" into him on the train and pretend its a coincidence.... haha... shall try that later. It's only 1.30pm, I shall go back to bed soon.

Damn I miss Ana....

p/s: Fibi is my cat.... just in case if anybody gets the wrong idea. But I'm sure its pretty clear...

Sydney again.

2005-07-16T10:24:00.000+08:00

Got back from Sydney last Monday, was kinda feeling very tired.. was already tired before, during and after the trip. It was a good change though, never been in a country where its actually cold, not with the influence of air conditioning.... its worse! Sydney make me feel like I'm in a drug fridge!
Not sure if I enjoyed myself, but I was sad to leave. Giving me a choice I would want to stay there. But also I'm glad that I'm back in Singapore. Back to family, my cats and friends and my typhoon-strucked bedroom.

Btw, I love this photo that Vaina took of me... its a candid shot.. was still posing coming out to an obviously fake smile... but before I could grin to the camera... my hair got into my eye and was sweeping it away and *click* !
Its @ Darling Harbour btw, just infront of the shopping centre enterance... Talking about shopping centre, I never knew Darling Harbour had a shopping centre..
When I met Andro for the first time... he kept saying.. " Shopping centre.. shopping centre" but where the hell is that????? Its right infront of me and I don't know it. Who can blame me...I usually go to Darling Harbour during the night.. thinking about it... its my first time being there when the sun is up!

What's my fav part of the whole trip? SALSA!!! Man I like it lots... I feel like everytime I hear Latin music, it just perks me up and get me going... something that keeps me happy and to de stress.. So Salsa is it. I can Salsa everyday and not getting sick of it...
Mum got pissed everytime I'm at the computer I blast it and start dancing on the carpet... she said I look like an idiot. Hey the lads in Sydney don't think I look like one... Ha ha...

So when I was in Sydney, I made my way to East Village for Salsa and then found out there was nothing there and I was so determined to find one. Its like cold turkey. Yeah.. a VERY COLD turkey.... Frozen to be precise. I walked IN HEELS... in the cold to Darling Harbour's Port Orient.... There! I hear the music... I pranced my way up. I don't care if I were dancing with some guy or alone... I just want to be in it. Whatever it is no words can describe how overwhelmed i was....
One guy I will never forget... his name is Eric.. some guy from Peru...
Imagine: approx 1.55m tall a bit plumpmish, very super small hands... ( I'm not joking!) obviously not a kid.
He asked me for a dance .... I accepted... He got all weird... so weird that I just suddenly stop and stood there, I dont know how to continue. How weird is weird?... He shook his shoulders like as if he's having fits... falling into mild CVA.... and I could feel what I wouldn't want to feel....so I moved away. His tiny hands took control over mine and it hurts. I moved my hands away pretending to touch my hair. It went on like that for awhile.. I couldn't wait for the music to end to curtsey my way out. It finally did... and guess what... he "dumped me first" before I could say anything.He said thanks and walk away and giving me the irritated and disgusted look... In side my heart.. " What the f***...
Next I see he was dancing with Vaina and he was a very happy man... What?! The next subsequent visits, he straight away came to Vaina and ask for a dance... Good luck to Vaina... Vaina find him weird too... but I guess Vaina's nicer...

My fav salsa partner so far??? Surprisingly Andro... even though he doesnt move so much, doesnt spin me around or turn me til I wanna puke, but he entertains me alot. Its just that looking at him move is very interesting, even though sometimes he look like a hungry gorilla... Ha ha... but Salsa would be his thing wouldn't it.... it must be in the blood.... I'm not convinced he cannot salsa... I'm so so so dead sure that he can... Andro is one man with big talent, saw him play.. amazing guitarist! I never thought he would be that amazing. His fingers seemed to have a mind of their own... effortless..... he is so damn bloody GOOD... I can imagine if Andro does his concert, girls will throw their panties at him... LOL.... 5 stars and 2 thumbs up!
Oh ok another guy my fav is the old man with the barrett.... " Yeeeeee ha....." Alamak.. wrong place.... Love merengue with the old guy... Bachata is next.... Here I come!
Andro introduced me to his best budd... Englishman Gavin.... blond... dying to be a latino.....

"I'm a English guy with a Latin soul" ( Gavin, 2005)

Gavin has a face that u would pull out the picture from a magazine and paste it in your bedroom. I appreciate his good looks. Gavin may have the looks but Andro will get the panties... LOL.... I love that phrase.... ha ha ha...

Allan....
Allan is a guy who is in denial.... He likes a girl so much but he denies that he is kinda falling in love with her. He asked me for advice but at the end of the day he has the better solution....
He never get sick of Thai food.... but Allan is a very nice friend...

I miss my friends alot... of course including Ana.. aka Hanah, Sonny, Choka, Ennio ( Chilean, Chilean) and Pam. Oh man.... I miss Oportos Like crazy... Give me my Regular Bondi Meal!!!!!
I didn't get to see Daniel.... in Spain... doing some advertisement....

The trick is dont think....

2005-07-15T01:23:00.000+08:00

You know, sometimes I can never imagine how much potential I have. I always think I'm a big joke, a big screw up, but I don't realise that I can do many amazing things and would make tons of girls green with envy. It RARELY happens, but it feels good when it does.
And I don't have to think about it, the more I think the worse it becomes. I just go with the flow.
Its not how I do it, its just my luck.... just be myself and see if the magic works.

The trick is dont think..... I will screw up more if I think too much.

2005-06-25T09:47:00.000+08:00

Just got up.... always have this thing about writing up blogs in the morning. Chatting with Haniffa online.. have this thing about chatting with Haniffa online even though she lives a few blocks away... hehe...

I so want to go to Union Square again before i fly. Funny thing is when I look at the dancefloor, I look at it like how I look at a netball court, before a match. My crossed my arms, tapping my feet, and imagine what will I do on the court, my strategies.... damn... i miss playing... got to look for another team to play with....

Salsa.... yeah... I look at it as if I'm going for a match and my partner is the opponent... I don't want to screw up... Which is bad.. "We are suppose to be in the same team!!!" - what to do?? typical Aries girl...
Need to practice before going to Sydney... will show off to Ana... lol...

I haven't pack... and I got nothing warm to bring... I'm so screwed... and Andro scared me to hell saying its gonna get to 4 degrees... I might as well chop off my stuffy nose.
Sun- go out...
Mon- Afternoon shift... can't do much
Tues- work... salsa at night KIV Union Square after that.. gotta call Twinkle.
Wed- Morning.... only free day... die die must pack.
Thurs- morning shift.... FLY OFF

see I dont have much time left. got to clean my room, settle all my stuff...
edit my documentations for JCI, since I'm running to Sydney and let the rest die in the ward...good luck... gonna miss the girls... Emily, Uma, Mildred, Aniana and Aidah.....

Feel bad I can't be with Aidah on her birthday....

My feet nearly came off...

2005-06-24T01:29:00.000+08:00

Yes, its true... it really felt as if my legs were going to be independant from my body. Sprained my ankles on Tues during the "in-out" turn... Didn't bring my slippers... doh!...... had to drag myself around with the damn heels. Managed to keep them insitu. Not forgetting my aching legs. I don't know what happened but they just refuse to function! Whatever it is nothing is going to stop me from enjoying every minute of salsa.
Twinkle.....errr......suggested to go to Union Square..... seriously I was so damn bloody tired....morning shift..what else... My body says no but my heart says yes... so like they say... "Always follow your heart" nothing else matters. So I did... asked Aidah and Tammy along. Aidah didn't want to go, Tammy came along.
Met Twinkle and the rest.. dont know their names, but just recognised each other and dance...
Tammy was such a sport, being the big guy he is, he really sucked at dancing man... but was a good sport... he had fun....
I was overwhelmed by the whole scene. Band was good, crowd was good. My cranberry juice was good. Nothing to complain about. Met Jeffery with some other ppl.
I went to the dancing floor, warming up with Winston. Familiar face, so not so bad.. I was having so much fun, didn't want to stop, could go on and on... got dizzy after awhile.
Thought Tammy basic steps.... he sucked.... lol....
I forgot that my leg was suppose to hurt...

Called Sydney, spoke to Ana and Sonny. leaving for sydney next Friday...

Thammy's leaving....

2005-06-23T00:20:00.000+08:00

Just got home from work... Nothing much today, another Dengue came in today. Rupinder commented I look good today.... *grin*.. Did In charge, partnered with Mildred.. Wasnt stressful at all, enjoyed work alot... CSC card guy kept bugging me the whole day... so fed up....
Sister was fed up with me coz I forgot my MC.. hehe.. no big deal can bring it tomorrow. Approached Sister Chan for persmission to include her in my reference. For some reasons they wanted it.

Managed to go for dinner break today, had a nice meal with Aidah, Edna and Cheryl.... the talk and laugh... talk about the most crappiest stuff.. hehe...

Should have called Tham for supper but got stupid exams to study for... he's leaving for KL for good... why is everybody leaving??? Yeah Tham miss his girlfriend, family and his DOG alot.... wonder what is it like without him in the hospital.... so sad... losing a very good friend.......

Got to know Canny leaving for UK to work??? Wow.. Canny???? Damn.. how I wish I could work overseas.... seriously, I will go once my mum says ok... at this point of time I dont'mind anywhere, Dubai for that matter... just go as long the money is good. While waiting might as well do my degree first since Advance Diploma doesnt seem to be anywhere near...

The Aries Girl

2005-06-21T16:08:00.000+08:00

The Aries Woman
But aren't you going to run and help her?" Alice asked... "No use, no use!" said the King."She runs so fearfully quick you might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch"

So you're in love with an Aries girl. I don't know whether to congratulate you or sympathize with you. When Byron wrote that "Man's love is of man's life a thing apart; 'tis woman's whole existence," he forgot about j& the Aries woman. She may think love is her whole existence, but she's too vitally absorbed in the world around her, not to mention in herself, for it to be the beginning and end of her life. She can get along without a man easier than any female you'll ever meet.

Of course, getting along without a man is not the same thing as getting along without romance. She'll always need that hero of her dreams to yearn for in her heart. He may be long ago and faraway-or hiding just out of sight and touch, somewhere in tomorrow's mists-but she'll think about him in an April rain. He'll haunt her when the first snow falls, when she hears a certain song or sees lightning flash. However, while she's yearning, if there's no male around in actual physical presence, she won't miss him terribly. Anything he could do, she can do better-she thinks.

The Aries girl will open her own doors. Shell also put on her own coat, fight her own battles, pull out her own chair, hail her taxi and light her cigarette without any masculine help. Doing it herself is, to her, the fastest way to get it done. Naturally, this doesn't set too well on the vulnerable male ego. The Mars girl is determined to take the lead, to be the first to move to action, and that includes the action of making the first advance in romance. Aries females are the most likely of all the Sun signs to do the proposing, especially if the man is slow about naming the date. And that's about as early as you can safely show your feelings-when she proposes. Before that you're taking a chance. Be very careful about moving in on an Aries girl. She wants to be the leader in the love affair. Better be sure you have her heart safely in your pocket before you try to grab her around the waist and kiss her goodnight. Otherwise, she may give you a sharp right hook to the jaw and run like a frightened deer.
Don't be misled. The reason for her running isn't maidenly modesty. She's not afraid of your passionate intentions. Those she can handle. Her flight is based on the fear of getting tangled up with a worshiping slave or a love struck puppy dog, either one of whom would bore her to tears. Be casual, keep her guessing, and the chances are shell chase you into a comer instead. A man who resists her impact always intrigues an Aries female. She can't understand why she isn't overwhelming him with her obvious charms. Then her Mars ego will leave no stone unturned to prove she's desirable, even when she has no lasting interest in him.

Scarlett O'Hara is the very epitome of the Mars-ruled
Aries female. Like Scarlett, the Aries girl will gather every available male for a hundred miles around to her feet, while her wilful heart yearns for the one man she can't have for one reason or another. Like Scarlett, the Mars woman can quickly adapt for survival if necessary, without whimpering. Both the O'Hara and the Aries characters are tough enough to defy convention, face an advancing army, or even shoot a man through the head with icy calmness, : if he threatens her loved ones.

Never was Scarlett more Mars-like than when she was starving, alone and friendless, and without waiting for a man to come to the rescue, she clenched her fist toward heaven and shouted, "I'll survive this . . . and when I do, I'll never be hungry again ... If I have to lie, cheat, steal or kill-as God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!" Much later, her emotions shattered, her beloved child dead ] and the one man she loved about to walk out of her life, this typical Aries woman was still able to say, "I'll think of some way to get him back. There's never been a man I couldn't get, once I set my mind on him. . . . After all, tomorrow is another day."

Yes, Scarlett O'Hara creates a vivid image of the first \ Sun sign of the zodiac, with all the Mars strength and ability to bounce back after tragedy; able to play the female role to the hilt, with fluttering lashes and a well-timed tear, but just as able to take over a man's job when the men aren't around. A careful study of Scarlett's character can give you an excellent understanding of what you're in for with an Aries woman-and naturally, also the rewards you can look forward to after you've been brave enough to claim her. Her aggressive drive may be hard to take, but her shining optimism and faith in tomorrow can be mighty uplifting.

The Aries girl is rather a pushover for flattery, if it has an honest base. Let her know you admire her, but don't be too flowery or sugary about it. Her loyalty in love is gigantic, as long as you keep the sentiment alive, for she is deeply sentimental. There's the typical Arien contradiction in her: she doesn't want to be obviously chased, yet she quickly loses interest if you're too detached. She doesn't want a completely domineering male, but neither will she warm up to a man who sits adoringly at her feet. Before love can bring her happiness, the Aries woman must meet the eternal Mars challenge-her strong desire to control the lover, conflicting with her secret wish to be controlled by him. Unbelievably idealistic, sometimes she searches in vain for that brave knight in shining armour, who will sweep her off her feet, conquer the world, hand it to her gently and yet never sacrifice his manhood. Since he exists only in fairy tales and the myths of King Arthur's court, the Aries woman often walks alone, without a star to guide her. Her days are bright and full of excitement, her nights are sometimes dark and full of longing. Yet, when her defeated dreams become smouldering ashes-just as you think the flame is dying, Aries leaps up to build another fire.

She must be proud of you to love you. But don't be so important that you neglect to notice her talents and abilities. Though she'll demand a lot from you, she'll give double measure in return. The Aries girl can be generous to a fault with her time and sympathy, cheerfully sharing her possessions and money, but when it comes to love, she's downright stingy. "What's hers is hers" in the romance department, and it will take very little to set off a jealous explosion. Don't admire your favourite movie actress in her hearing, or pay too many compliments to her girl friends. The man with an Aries wife is safer with a male secretary. If she's not first with you in every way, you'll soon wonder where all the intense passion and thrilling emotion went so fast. When the Aries woman has been really hurt, she turns from fire to ice. Her fire bums hot and dies quickly. Her ice can be eternal. Memorize that, if you care deeply about her-and it's doubtful that she'll stand for you caring about her any other way. Aries plays for keeps.

She puts the loved one on a pedestal, expecting him to live up to an impossible image of perfection, stubbornly refusing to look at his clay feet, until they become too muddy for even her to miss. Never criticize the lover, husband or children of an Aries woman unless you're wearing an asbestos suit. She's capable of being demanding, selfish, and making cutting remarks when you dampen her hopeful plans. Yet, she can also be gentle, devoted and cooperative when she's met halfway.

Since she prefers the company of men to women, and solicits admiration from every male she meets, be he nine or ninety, you'll have plenty of chances to feel the stabs of those little green monsters of jealousy. Forget it. As fiercely possessive as she is of you, she won't put up with your possessiveness of her for an instant. The Aries girl insists on complete freedom, before and after marriage. You'll have to trust her wherever she goes and whatever she does, though she won't have that kind of faith in you (unless she's learned the hard way to keep her emotions under control if it kills her, which it almost will). It's not as bad as it sounds, because she'll be faithful, once she's really yours. An Aries girl is seldom able to love two men at the same time. She's simply too honest for such deception. Barring unusual circumstances, she'll let you know clearly that love is dead before going ahead in total commitment to someone else.

This woman is capable of deep passion and mystical idealism, woven together in strange patterns. In any relationship she feels is real and forever after, there will be no holding back, no feminine wiles, coquettish tricks or silly games. Her love, like her speech and actions, is direct. There's something clean and fresh about the utter simplicity of her emotions, but even so, they often get her into waters way over her head. You may have to tame her a little, but she'll accept It with surprising docility if she really loves you.

Mars females are often career girls. They can handle almost any profession a man can handle, from stockbroking to real estate. They can also turn a nice ankle or profile in strictly feminine occupations like modelling and acting. It may be difficult to get her to give up her job for you, if it's a real career or profession. She may toss it overboard for a period, while she's suffused with the glow of romance and picturing a storybook cottage for two beside the sea (typical of the Arien imagination that leads straight to the happy part and ignores the dull part). But when the cottage begins to need a paint job, the roof starts to leak and the first fine rapture dims slightly, she may be anxious to dig out her social security card again. Let her. She'll be far happier and more loving-even more gentle-if she's allowed to fill her idle hours with something that interests her. Mars emotions, unfulfilled, can look for molehills of frustrations to build into huge mountains of trouble.

There's practically nothing this woman won't tackle. If it's a challenge or just something she thinks she wants to brighten her life, she'll make some kind of a stab at it whether it's practical or not. I know an Aries woman who was forced for financial reasons to live for several years in , two rooms with a husband, five active children and a dog.

That kind of an arrangement can get a little cramped, and just contemplating it might give a woman with any common sense a few doubts. Not a Mars female. This one coped somehow, though she may have let it goad her into a few tantrums. In the middle of the situation, when an astrologer read her natal chart and pointed out that her planetary aspects showed a long period of great hardship in her life, she was puzzled and intrigued. "When does it look like it might happen?" she wanted to know.

This same impulsive Aries woman got a sudden urge one day to add another dog to the group camping out in two rooms. She felt the family's male pet needed a female companion. He looked lonesome. Besides, the children thought it was a rollicking good idea. The discovery that the second dog wasn't housebroken threw her only temporarily. Like a determined drill sergeant, she assigned every member of the family their turn at scrubbing the carpet. After she saw that it would never be the same again, she surveyed the situation and made a decision. To get rid of the second dog? Of course not. She was secretly hoping there would be puppies someday soon. The money would just have to come from somewhere to get a new rug. Funny thing-it did. As for the puppies, she was sure some miracle would happen to move the entire crowd into a new apartment before the happy event. Funny thing-it did. Miracles have a way of happening to those who believe in them. Aries women certainly believe. Sometimes to the point of foolishness. Her rash ways can get her into some complicated pickles, and she may have a few grey hairs before she learns how to avoid the same pickle twice. Aries is not noted for learning from experience. The spirit is willing, but the disposition is headstrong. There's no use to try to caution a typical Aries female with the biblical warning, "Pride goeth before a fall." Her interpretation of the phrase, since she first heard it in Sunday School, is "When your pride goes, you fall."

Never worry that your Aries girl will succumb to the charms of a wolf. She's immune to wolves and playboys, and in far more danger of being seduced by an idealist with a cause, preferably a lost cause. But even with him, she'll assert her individuality frequently. It will never be completely conquered in the Mars woman, though it can be subdued by the right man. She'll buy you gifts, loan you money, nurse you through illness, and help you get a job.
And she'll expect the same from you.

She'll deny it vehemently (she does almost everything vehemently), but when she's miserable, you should be miserable. When she's happy, you should be happy. To Aries, love is equal sharing. She'll expect to share your razor, your bank account, your friendships and your dreams. In return, you can share hers. Of course, her razor may be broken, her bank account a little overdrawn, her friendships slightly scattered and her dreams too large for you to swallow. But she's not selfish with them. Keeping a secret from her can drive her wild, and it's not a good idea to drive an Aries wild. Don't ever embarrass her by your grammar, clothing or behaviour in public. She won't embarrass you, at least not in these matters.

To injure her pride or dampen her enthusiasm will almost break her heart. Others will constantly be doing just that to her. The world resents a female who talks back to it, and who thinks she's smarter than everyone else. When she discovers she really doesn't run the universe after all, she'll come running into your arms in tears, her world all dark and dismal. Then you'll have a chance to see her as she really is, defenceless and vulnerable in the extreme, for all her outer confidence. She's not really Tugboat Annie. She'd just like to be. She admires strength and tries to imitate it. The Aries idealism and optimistic faith in human nature is often dashed to bits by reality. Comfort her with tenderness at these times, and you'll probably never lose her. Always defend her against her enemies. She can never forgive you if you fail to fight for her or take her side. (But be prepared to make up with them when she does, which may be quickly.) At least she's gay about it. She'll also defend you. An Aries woman will throw away fame or fortune defiantly right in the face of anyone who hurts a friend of hers. If she loves you, her indignation will have no bounds. These women are nothing if not loyal.

As a wife, she may be quite a handful. There will probably be outside interests, because home will seldom be enough for her creative energies. Don't expect her to be a happy little cricket, chirping away contentedly by the hearth. She'll be a competent enough cook, and she'll keep the house spanking clean-at least the part that shows. She'll sew on buttons and iron shirts, too, but she won't like it. Still, she'll do it when it's necessary. (An Aries woman can do almost anything when it's necessary.) Her re is more like that of a glittering diamond than like the ?arm, comforting glow of the fireplace. There's undeniably brittle side to her nature, and she may agitate you more often that she soothes you. But she's exciting and certainly ever boring. Then there are always those moments of softness that belie her strong drive-for a man who has tie patience to bring them out. Mars women are always softer inside than any but those who have been really close 3 them ever know. Her conversation will be very intelligent and very frequent. Don't hide behind the newspaper .t breakfast. She'll expect companionship from you, or you .an just scramble your own eggs.

You'll rarely find her complaining of illness or fatigue. But when she's in pain, she'll expect tons of sympathy. Although you may have to sit on her to get her to go to bed when she has a raging fever, be prepared to wait on her hand and foot when she has a toothache.

This is not the woman to call and tell you'll be working ate at the office, unless you enjoy creating Fourth of July fireworks in the middle of February. She won't mind keeping the gravy hot, but she won't like not knowing where you really are, and what you're really doing, and she may ;all back to find out. The Aries wife will probably make an excellent impression on your boss, if you can keep her from telling him how to run his business. She won't mind going out to bring home the bacon when you're temporarily out of a job, but she can never respect a man who makes less money than she does (though an Aries woman would never leave a man for this reason-she'd be more inclined to make excuses for him). If she has a rare spell of letting herself go, the first word of disapproval from you will send her flying back to the mirror and perfume bottle. (In this way, she's as feminine as Eve herself.) A flattering comment about your secretary's new hair style will do the same thing, but it's more dangerous. Besides, you were warned to hire a male secretary. There's a vain streak in a Mars woman which makes her sensitive about everything from her age to an innocent remark about how tired she looks, which she may take as a hint that you think she looks like an old hag.

Keep the passion and romance alive in your marriage, or she'll be miserably unhappy. Aries will waste little time changing any situation which causes unhappiness, and that can lead to a hasty separation or an impulsive divorce. In most cases, letting her handle the family check book would be unwise, but you can try it, if the bank is game.

As a mother, she'll see that the baby is clean, happy, healthy and loved. She probably won't pick him up every time he cries, fuss over him or overprotect him. But her children will get lots of warm, impulsive kisses and bear hugs. An April mother will teach her youngsters to believe in leprechauns. She'll take them for walks in the park, and point out the sparkling necklaces left on the lawn by the fairies when they danced under the moon where others might see only the early morning dew on the grass. Aries women create a magic world of fantasy for their children. It's where they live themselves. She won't be a permissive parent, she'll insist on strict discipline, and will probably be very fortunate in raising her offspring to be independent adults. Her favourite weapons of child psychology are: a wooden paddle, bedtime stories and goodnight kisses.

This woman can be unreasonably temperamental, and create some violent scenes. But her quickly aroused temper will splatter like summer hailstones and soon melt away. She'll never hold a grudge, seek revenge, indulge in self-pity or bitterness. After an emotional storm, her optimistic, April nature will return like the rainbow suddenly appearing after a shower. Lots of people will tell you an Aries woman is completely masculine, but don't you believe them. She's all woman underneath her flashing, forceful exterior, perhaps too much woman for the average man. But, of course, a knight in shining armour isn't an average man. Are there any lonely, courageous knights out there? This is the fair lady of your dreams, worth all the dragons you'll have to slay to win her.

Don't forget that she bruises easily, in spite of her bright, brave smile. (That's just her shield against hurt.) If you can turn the ram into a lamb, you'll have a woman who is honest and passionate, loyal and exciting-though she may be a little impulsive, bossy and independent. Well, you can't have everything, you know. The Aries girl will help you find your lost illusions and she'll have a fierce faith in all your dreams. You don't have any? Borrow some of hers. She has plenty to spare. If you believe in her just hall as much as she believes in you, you could make some miracles together.

What was I thinking????

2005-06-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

I feel very stupid... I let Ian read my blog. Why would I do that? He might think I'm such a creep, which I'm not obviously. This blog is supposely to be for personal viewing but I do get strangers who come across or blogger friends who happen to find me in here... The most embarrassing and crappiest stuff I think of are in the blog. Nothing so intellectual, its just a place I dump stupid thoughts. Worst, I actually mentioned Ian.... I'm so embarrased... why would I show it to him at the first place????
I feel very stupid.

On the same day, I forgot to put Ian off my wallpaper on my phone!! Damn... its nothing really putting him on my hp wallpaper but I just don't want him to know hes on it.... like he might think.. "Eeee.. Annisa got nothing else to put on her phone..."

I'm kinda discreet about the whole thing about Ian, so these are the little things I do to release my enthusiasm.

Teach me how...

2005-06-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

Good morning....
Its 1034hrs and i just got up.... Didn't go to work today, I feel sick... and tired...Its not fair to my patients having a staff nurse being sick. I feel like shit. I'll get over the whole thing and be up and about again, but I hate this feeling. I thought I can do it, but I can't, I really can't.
I didn't want to show as if I was affected by it, putting on a happy front, I'm usually good at it but this time I stayed silent.... I didn't realise I was silent. I tried to mask everything, but I just couldn't do it.
How I felt... literally was like : Someone sliced my chest, ripped out my heart and put it in full speed blender and smeared it on the wall.

Damn.... I'm in deep shit. '
I'm scared.....

Yawn

2005-06-07T09:29:00.000+08:00

Good morning...

Mak went off with Hidhir's for his appt earlier... she gave a few instructions on I can't remember what it is or to do what? Seriously I can't remember, was in bed sleeping and she came in blurted out a few things which I'm still tracing back they were.. NVM...

Off day again today after night shift, couldn't sleep yesterday although it was my sleeping day.
Spent most of the time yesterday talking to Bapak, Ayi and Hidhir and Hidhir saying Ian look like the thin version of Scott Sabel... so mean... Ian's hot... who can deny that... yeah I must say that fat man Scott look good for a fat guy..

Went out with Vaina after work yesterday, went to Cik Sapiah's travel agency to get our airtickets. I paid a whole $773 for it, for the consolation, I'm taking SQ. yeh!!! I look like crap on my passport, embarrassed to show it to ppl. Even to Cik Sapiah. Don't condemn my photo much, its still me...

Waking up to a Friday Afternoon

2005-05-27T11:13:00.000+08:00

Good morning... or should I say good afternoon...
I didn't wake up well today, well I should... but somehow I didn't. I put up with a very glum face which is dying for a little fake smile which I can't even do. Can't bluff myself.

How I'm feeling right now... I feel pissed, irritated and frustrated... yes.. that's the word frustrated... I shouldn't be...

Was with Ian yesterday, went to Toa Payoh... we were walking ard and he started talking about the long string of taxis available across the road... Huh??? We took a cab and supposely to be going to Macritchie reservoir.... I got no idea on what hes going to do..
He was on the phone on the way there... I was looking out of the window.. the last time I was ard here was when I took a cab from Nas' place. Near Thomson area, Toa Payoh also what!
I saw tons of florist along.. and I said... "Who would be so dumb to go to a secluded place just to buy flowers????" Ian kinda agreed with me for a while and I was so dumbstruck when he was actually going to get me flowers!! Nobody has ever done anything as romantic as that before.... I didn't know how to react... worse... I know nuts about flowers! Ian brought me around, it felt really nice... After getting a big headache, dont know which one to choose, I finally settled for Daiseies and Sunflowers, thats what I think it is by the way... I love it lots. Attempted to take care of them seeing how long can they last in my hands.. surprisingly 4 days!!! Not bad huh!!!

Better get the name right...

2005-04-25T14:59:00.000+08:00

I really need Ana right now.... Seriously need her by my side now. I need to shout, wail and my hyper enthusiasm that I'm eager to show. The egoistic person I am.
I really had a good Saturday. Still lingering in my mind. Ok ok, fine! It never went off my mind. Yes I really need this right now and suddenly the impossible is definitely possible.
Its definitely different and sure, I needed a few moments to get used to it.
I'm was non chalant and I kept it that way. But deep inside my heart is pounding and I had to control my breathing.. haha.... I was good at it though of pretending that I was alright.
I didn't know what to do initially, I was just myself.

Right before me was a wonderful sight. Couldn't take my eyes off it, I was denying that I like what I saw but who am I kidding????

27th March 1982

2005-03-27T10:43:00.000+08:00

YES, The day has come..... I'm 23 years old!!! exactly born on the exact time I'm typing this.

[ Listening to Jamiroquai's Picture Of My Life ]

I'm very very sleepy right now. Got to work again tonight. Nothing much happened so far. Karen my patient bought me a cake!!! How sweet is that?????? he called the nurse's bell and I was like cursing and swearing in 4 different languages. I went in complete with my hypercount m,achine and IMR, was doing hypocount for bloody room 6. I went in Karen's room and there she was and her sister, opened up a box of cake from polar, chocolate one with a dog on it?? and sang Happy Birthday to me!!! Awwww...... So sweet...... the night was rather quiet, I kept falling sleep lots of time... I didn't have enough sleep, went out with Adoree, Harold and Iqmal. Adoree and Harold dumped me after 6, but luckily Iqmal was around to entertain me til I go off to work... Thanks bro! We ate at Magic Wok, somewhere at Bras Basah I THINK SO LAH!
Its no lesbian talk... but I MISS ADOREE so much... its like maybe I had sucha hard day's at work with crappy people on shift and I really miss those times where work was stressful but it feels good esp with Adoree, Iqmal and Harold around. Adoree is more like Girly, girly stuff.... Harold if I really need to talk crap too, really need to let loose and let off some steam.. talk about the craziest things! With Iqmal is more about having things in common... alot of common things to talk about... a repeatation there... lol.... like both got family issues, hate our jobs, love Sydney like crazy, love to travel,dying to move out from Sg, both computer illiterate and both love baksava..i think that is what its called. So yes these are my fav 3 people at work... used to btw... I have a hard time handling Wilson, I'm ok with the rest....
Back to my pre birthday HOs date;

Like I said Adoree and Harold abandoned me at 6pm, i told Iqmal not to go anywhere, indirectly forced him to stay behind... haha... poor man... He suggested to go to Internet cafe next door to see pics... yes, i forgot to bring pics for them to see. damn! So we went to Anakmelayu and Friendster and there are some for him to see... And i suggested him to use MSN, but hes not very keen about it... After a while mum rang for me to solat, as usual. But I dont want it to be known that Mum rang for me to solat, So i kinda know Iqmal wanted to do the same thing, so I asked where are u going, hes going to solat at some carpark at Raffles city, but then I forgot Im KIV!!!! So I followed him, at least I know the hideaway next time. It was at this very secluded place and the place looks cute. with a small toilet and prayer space. Iqmal did his prayers and I waited coz obviously I cant. So then we went to Suntec City and wanted to get dessert, I was like u can still eat???????? We walked past The Body Shop and I remembered Fauziah telling me about Sheila working there, went for a quick visit. I was so happy to see Sheila. I was so overwhelmed. I hugged her and then she asked who is Iqmal, i was like "Please god, dont let ppl think he's Nas"... coz Iqmal really look like Nas. Then I safely say that "This is Iqmal, I work with him"... this is one thing I dont like, doesnt mean every guy they see me with is "with me".. get it??? But thats how the Malays take it.. Then Sheila ask me about this girl called Netty something, Iqmal knows her!! She works at 46. Ahh.... cool.... at least its a 3 ppl conversation... haha...
I feel so much for Sheila esp seeing her growing up...
We trying to make our way to Secret Recipe.. what the hell is that... I dont know... Walking and walking... and bam! Met Siti M something... I cant remember her name!! But what I know I went to school with her and for SGH stuff upon graduation. She works at 54 Haem. She knew Iqmal but Iqmal doesnt seem to know her.... yeah cannot blame him. She pulled me away and asked how come I lost so much weight and she thought I was anorexic!! Arrgghh!!! But Adoree didnt think I look that different... So we made our way to Secret Recipe it look so Cheena..... So we left... went down had Yami Yogurt... We were watching this model fashion show... so funny!!! A guy carrying such a mini super small surfboard... doesnt make sense... haha... He so damn funny!!! Big body all glossy and crarying a baby board... Ha Ha Ha... I was laughing so hard... Non Stop.....

I had Basava.. if thats what its called... very nice very authentic... wanted to pay for it but some gentleman settle it... Kwakakaka... I had to leave ASAP coz I didnt realise it was 8.30pm.... I zoomed out...
Got to work late though thank god Emily was around... late for about 10 mins.
Work and work thats where the Karen thing came about.... So sad when the clock hits midnight... Happy Birthday to me!!!! I thought no one really care about my brithday but alot ppl do.... I'm so touched. I work non stop....Passed over report and I made my way home.
Got home.. Mum called to wish me Happy Birthday, she wasnt home. Ayi and Nani wished me Happy Birthday. Mum cooked my fav noodles before she left and I had some before going to bed... nearly cried though coz it doesnt feel as special as usual. I head off to bed
I woke up at about 6pm my room time... yeah it has a different time zone.. Normal time is 5.45pm. I got up, Bapak wished me Happy Birthday and I ate again and got dressed and head off to work. Nothing much really... took the train. At work Mildred was so sweet she gave me a hug and kissed me... hehe... I was on with Puspa... I "belanja them" McDonalds.... yeah making my wish come true.... I enjoy that night.... Had fun with Mildred alot.....

But my admissions really didnt... My room 2.... ARRGGHHHH!!!!!

Whatever it is I had a nice birthday with friends and my family... Bapak still owe me a present..

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed

2005-03-25T11:32:00.000+08:00

good morning! I didnt wake up well today. I had a long sleep.... slept from 10pm yesterday and woke up at 11am today. I should feel fresh and well rested but I woke up with a sour face and bad mood. I feel like as I'm trapped about something and I feel as if I got myself into trouble. Which I can smell that happening soon. I learnt something in the last few days which I'm not gonna comment on and I just hope its not too late to bring myself back where I first started.

I feel very excited about tomorrow rather than my birthday on Sunday. I'm meeting up with Adoree, Iqmal and Harold tomorrow. I miss those guys alot. Esp Iqmal coz I want to discuss Sydney with him and he's very excited everytime I mention Sydney.

I'm very excited about my birthday or anybody's birthday for the matter of fact. Well, mine has to be extra special right. But I think this year's gonna be different coz I think no one is excited for me. Thinking again its just my birthday. Went shopping with mum yesterday and bought some stuff which she said " Suppose to be my birthday present" So she bought me a skirt and a pair of shoes. I was very esthatic. Mum said those are from Ayi and Nani. I was very glad, like hey... my sisters actually cared about presents. But I know they dont have much money. I did tell Mum that they dont have to pay back coz I know they dont have money... Mum said she will settle that out. I have to just to be happy about what I got.
Obviously i cant wait to get home to try the stuff. Mum went to Ayi's room and told them about the purchase... My sisters were very upset and started whining. yeah about money matters and the fact that they have to get me presents even though I'm financially stable.... I've guessed.. my sisters don't love me as much I thought they did... I have to stop deluding myself.

I was near to tears coz I got very emotional and very upset about the whole thing. At that point of time I dont want any presents at all.... I'm going to pay Mum back presents coz she already spend a lot on food... which I think no one cares about eating other than me. When I look at the skirt and the shoes I really feel like throwing them away. I know its very impulsive coz its a beautiful piece.
Anyway I'm on night shift on my birthday so doesn't really matter anyway. Going to spend the whole of my birthday sleeping and wake up have some food and go to work again and thats the end of 27th March for this year.

No one really bothers, so... what the hell.... anyway its just a birthday.. just reminding me I'm a year older... whats the big deal... maybe its NOT a big deal after all only I think it is... whatever..
Happy Birthday to me.

Damn It!

2005-02-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

I just got back... not really just got back but done mostly everything I need to get ready for tomorrow. I so feel like a bitch today, but its to my own benefit. It goes both ways and both taking advantage of the situation. What's so wrong about that?
Sometimes in life I have to be selfish, think for myelf first before others. I would love to be nice, but I got no choice. I got what I want and to tell you the truth, I'm greedy, I want more servings of the creme brule.

Mum's Birthday

2005-02-09T14:16:00.000+08:00

Gosh! It's Chinese New Year today and its Mum's birthday. She's kinda pissed today over everything but I was non chalant about everything. Maybe because she's stressed over the mosque work. But to me if you ain't happy, you don't have to go. I feel much better today after sleeping like crazy the night before. Paged for Mena Services if they have any jobs for me tonight. I have to take advantage of the Public holidays, I earn alot more. I won't deny it but there is the fear of adapting to new places and meeting new poeple in a medical setting. Ive been in the surgical line for the past 3 years and getting back to a medical seeting would be very different. People said it would be easier coz medical setting is much more slower paced compared to surgical. I feel better after that. Mena Services has yet to return my call.

Even they don't call, that means having to clean my room and wash the toilets. Maybe bathe my cats, haven't bathe them ever since I got back from Sydney.

My good old man is still thinking of moving out of the country but then Ana is right, Sydney is not a good idea. Maybe Melbourne... I dono... its still a long way to go. But yes I am moving to Sydney no matter what..

Shah is going to Sydney this Friday.... I'm so jealous!!!! I gave him Ana's number if he needs a guide.

Went for breakfast with Adoree yesterday. She drove... funny thing a petite young lady with a huge car.... thats funny.. We went to Great World City for McDonald's breakfast. I showed her Sydney photos and it was nice sitting ard and talking about the old times.... only thing I miss Iqmal.... but he's so uncontactable. Yeah busy....

[ Listening to Pink Martini's Amando Mio]

Finally Mena Services called... There's nothing for me tonight.... but they putting me on call.
Shucks!

Salsa it up baby!!

2005-02-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

Just got back. Went to Xenbar earlier for Salsa with Aidah. Its a trial class at Xenbar despite that it was fun!!!! Managed to move and groove... but people there are kinda unfriendly not like the ones I met at The Watershed and Cargo Bar in Sydney. I smiled at a girl on the dancefloor and she gave me the look as if I'm crazy and over enthusiastic, worse! she can't dance at all. I interacted with this girl called Maybelline... but why would you name yourself after make up??? Maybe I should call myself L'oreal... very Frenchie. It was very dull though. I suggested to Aidah that we got to The Amara Hotel nearby where they have this Salsa pub with live band. So we made our way there. We took the dancefloor, don't care if people are looking at us, we just went down. Aidah was reluctant at first but after a while she loosen up. Couldn't spend much time there, gotta work tomorrow. After ten we went to Boat Quay to get late dinner and at the same time to show Aidah the Jazz club. It was closed... so sad...

The impact of music

2005-01-29T20:29:00.000+08:00

Hi! Just got back... famous line. Still working on the Sydney entry though. It has been nearly 2 weeks already and I'm still working on it.
Went to a Jazz club yesterday with Nas. It was right after work, wanted to have supper at Boat Quay's Coffee Bean when I spotted Jazz@SouthBridge. I love Jazz, been listening to Jazz ever since I was little coz my dad loves Jazz and he plays the trumpet in the band in his younger days. But I'm more into Big Band and Blues. I think Nas kinda got irritated when I started reminiscing about my days in Sydney...."not again!!" Then I thought maybe I should leave Belly Dancing for a while, do something which can de-stress. I decided to look for Salsa place and frequent Jazz clubs. I never club or pub here in Singapore but when I was in Sydney its like an everyday thing. I miss the life in Sydney, coz I feel like my life in Singapore is very restricted.
When Adrian (Cunningham) brought me to the Jazz place at somewhere ?near Camperdown, that was my first time and I was so overwhelmed, it gives a different impact and I like it. Told myself I should and I will find a Jazz place in Singapore and I found one. Next is to find "kakis". Nas is into Jazz and so is Shah, should not be a problem.

I still remember the night where I watched Adrian play. Its so overwhelming and I almost teared. So hard to control myself. Don't want to make myself look like such a loser...he he....

Talking about Adrian... his CD that I ordered came today. Not because I know him or whatsoever but I seriously find that he's very talented. Listening to him is like watching an opera. There was this Italian opera that I've watched and I was moved to tears, even though I don't understand the crap they were talking about. Same goes when I listen to Adrian's work. Its like its trying to tell you something but somehow or rather you kinda figure it out. I sincerely think he's so much better than Kenny G. Kenny G sounds too commercialised. Adrian does it with passion and you know he's in love with his music and the relationship he has with his saxaphone is very intimate.
I don't mind paying to get hold on one of his copies. And I did!
I believe that Adrian will go very far in his music and wish him all the best.
I dare to say that I'm his biggest fan and he is my favourite musician.

Shah and I already agreed to do salsa together. Got to wait til he comes back to Singapore before we make a fool of ourselves on the dancefloor. Ha ha!!!
I find that I'm more daring ever since I got back from Sydney, good self esteem and I'm not self conscious at all. Ha ha ha.....
Like what Pam said... Go to East Coast Beach put on a bikini lie on the sand with a cigarette. Yeah rite!

Ali Coowar left the hospital... That goes my eye candy. It was so sweet of him to keep in contact even though I hate working with him, but he's a nice guy to talk to. Its like I hate working with him but when talking to him as a friend I like him all over again. Maybe its because he's frustrated over the working system here, and I don't blame him at all. I feel the same way. That's why I desperately want to leave nursing life in Singapore. I love my job alot and I love what I'm doing but not here in Singapore.

When I Fall In Love With Sydney

2005-01-19T14:07:00.000+08:00

Many things has changed over the past 2 weeks... Believe it or not.. just over a trip over to down under.
I've always thought that I need a change in my life, and since Ana left me for Sydney, I thought I need a break too. And So I did, took time off from my extremely mental and physical exhausting job to go to Sydney. I don't know why I always talked about how much I hate my job but subconsciouly I'm Lovin It!
Just after night shift, packed my bags and left.

Day 1
Thurs 6/1/05:

Left for Changi airport with Mum and Dad and Ayi. Had breakfast and I checked in. Dad escorted me right outside of GF 148. I really felt bad about going, me having fun across the continent and leaving my family behind. Said bye to Dad and plane took off.... Had this Sri Lankan man siting next to me. We talked a little bit.
Arrive at Sydney International Airport at 2030hrs. I was totally clueless about where to go what to do. Firstly it was very cold there... Ana said its summer and its gonna be hot, so had light clothings on. Freezing like crazy. I beat the customs, some guy helped me out, showed me to the taxi stand.... I past through the Arabs... they look sooooo madd......... Ha Ha...
Hop on a Silver Cab, happens to be an Indonesian Chinese guy... took me to Camperdown, Mallet St.. where I spend my next 13 days.
I got to Ana's place, suppose to call her but couldn't get my phone to open up to put my optus card in, some guy tried to help me out but couldn't too. Luckily someone came out so I could get in. I dialed Ana's telecom, obviouly I didn't know how to use it.... First words to me was... " Where were you Bitch???" That is so sad.. haha.....
Went upstairs, unpack and went of to meet Brendon, Ana's friend, they met at Salsa.
We went to The Rocks to have pancakes. It was so good!!!!!! Good start to everything.
Got back to the apartment, go to bed.

Day 2
Fri 7/1/05:

Woke up to an Aussie afternoon sun at 1100hrs. Got dressed... Hated my hair, shouldn't have cut it. i look so unattractive. Got myself my first Travel Ten Blue. Can't believe Ana's blunder. She said.." Auntie ah.." Thats a good one. We went to Paddy's Market. It's something like pasar malam here... with good stuff definitely. Bought most of the stuff for me to bring back home. Nougat, magnets mainly souvenirs.
An Italian Aussie came up to chat up with me, but I didn't know how to handle that conversation so I just continue what I was doing. Then he went over to talk to Ana. He liked Ana alot, so good luck to her. His name is Alexandro. Nothing much to write about him.
Ana and I walked through Chinatown, yeah for a while I forgot that I'm in Sydney not Hong Kong. It was definitely a long walk to Camperdown.
Got home and got dressed, went to Darling Harbour. I heard so much of the place but never actually know how it looked like. Took a bus. Cool ride. I obviously looked as if I never seen a city before... haha....
Alighted at somewhere along George Street walked through Darling Harbour. Cool place. Beautiful!!!!! Natalie Cole playing in my head.
I can't believe the Aussies party alot. The Watershed and The Docks... FULL HOUSE! We dined at this Seafood place called Blue Fish... HA HA... Everytime I think of Blue Fish I can't help giggling. We had this huge seafood spread and Ana had red wine. The waiter's cute, with a cute ass. Bald, Ana thinks he's gay. And she managed to convince me that he looked gay. He didn't want to flirt with us so can't get his name... so we called him Razif... Very gayish huh...
Then came along another kitchen guy, looked very Italian with a CUTER butt.... this one, definitely NOT GAY!!!! He noticed we were looking at him and I'm so amazed how he can play eyes with both of us at the same time... its like both of us were so smitten by him. He was too hot and still we didn't get his name, we called him Razak. Sounds very rough and manly. Then we looked at Razif again... GAY GAY GAY..... the way he looked at us and the way he sticked out his butt... even I don't do that.. yeah coz I got a huge ass thats why.... Kwakakakaa..

Suddenly I felt unwell, maybe too much heat from Razak, nah! I'm a coffee addict so I needed my caffeine. So we popped over to Passionflower cafe to have cakes and coffee. Had a hazelnut cake and had my Long Black.
We just chilling out, a guy... looked more like a BOY came up to us... in summary, he wants to be our Toy Boy.... yeah Growing Up years, can't handle their ranging hormone imbalances. His name is Rob, big sized guy, reminds me of Joshua Gracin the American Idol guy.

[ Listening to Adrian Cunningham's Unspoken ] ( trust me people he's way better than Kenny G)

Getting back to darling Harbour, we spent our time snapping pics. I felt different that night, My hair got all weird and stiff and my face is dry and peeling and I had breakouts. I don't look good in Sydney. We were walking back home where we past 3 wise monkeys. Ana was like " Wanna go in?" Of course man.... First time in a pub in my entire life. We had to queue to get to the third floor where the band is. Met Ben ( Belgium guy). He's about my age. Ana talked to him more coz I was concentrating on the featured music video. Suddenly a lady came up to us and ask " U wanna get upstairs??" She dragged me and Ana by the back stairway to the third floor.... Worse! We left Ben behind. I felt so bad. But what the hell.
I finally let loose... I was stiff for a moment coz I can't dance the only I could do was Belly dancing. So my moves are very belly dancing like. Then slowly I let myself go, I just go with the flow and I can move better than I thought I could! A Sri Lankan man came up to chat us up... We just gave him a cold shoulder. We were there to let loose.
We avoided him and went over to the back where we met Ben again. He was reunited with his friends. So we joined them. I was dancing away when suddenly Ben rub something on my back. I was shocked.. Its just water, no harm done. We danced through Indian routines, Malay dance and Bangra... It was so fun... and we moved to MC Hammer's U can't touch This.... some of them were very impressed... of course I'm an 80s girl, know the routines and everything. there was this guy called P.J. I ignored him when he wanted to cut between me and Ana. So while I was sitting down he came and said " I'm not trying to hook up or something, I just want to dance coz I think you were great." Oh my god! But still I just smiled and chat a while but didnt give my contacts. yeah couldnt get my Optus card in, so I only got my Sinagpore number. But then I felt so bad... Ana was right, I should at least danced with him before I go.
Got home, showered and slept. Of course we giggled to sleep.

Day 3
Sat 8/1/05

Woke up later than expected.. had 3 wise monkeys in our heads. Can't remember what we had for breakfast.
Went around the neighbourhood, took photos and walked aroud town area. On the way to the bus stop near Ray's Outdoors, saw this car with a dog wearing goggles. I took the photo secretly and currently now its on my desktop background. Took the bus and walked to Queen Victoria Building. Ana was my camera girl. Walked in QVB and went in the Body Shop. This girl called Chrissy attended to me... in the conversation she said "lah" I heard that and there it is... typical Singaporean! I bought almost the whole Vanilla range and at the cashier I asked her... " are you local?" She said no... I ask her where she's from... She said " SINGAPORE".... Jackpot! I knew it! She denied she said "lah" but at the end she seems so happy to bump into her fellow Singaporeans.
Ana and I walked further down George Street and went to Darrell Lea chocolate boutique. I was so in love with the Rocklea Road Chocs, I bought 3 huge chunks to bring home.
Walked further down to The Rocks near Harbour Bridge. Went to the Rocks Market and bought feet accessories which I lost it in the end. Bought a matching one for Ana... so for a while we were anklet buddies.
Finally saw the photo albums the one Iqmal bought. I didnt buy one, I should but I was very cautious about money at that time. Didn't want to spend very much on the first few days.
We went in this Psychic shop and they were selling TIGER BALM @ AU$2.20!!!!! Can't believe my eyes!!! I can get it at Mama shop downstairs at SGD$ 0.20.

We went to take tons of photos at the Harbour Bridge and Sydney Opera House.
On our way back we bought Krispy Creme, some doughnut shop. Bought a dozen!
We went to Bi-Lo, Harris to buy some groceries. We were dead beat!
Showered had dinner, Krispy Creme of course and lay down in bed.. and it was like 11pm. We were just talking and giggling and then we decided to go out... where?? 3 WISE MONKEYS!!

At 3 wise monkeys we got up to the 3rd floor easier this time. Met this group of Danish guys trying to cut in the queue. The curly blond is so cute. I don't know why but I paid alot more attention to men when I was in Sydney.
Upstairs, met the same Sri Lankan man again! Shit! He saw us from far and tried to get close. I just pretend I didn't see him. When Ana and I moved to the back he followed us and then pretending to get close and dance and lamely bumped into my ass and said... " Hey! Remember me?" Both of us replied at the same time " NO!" So we just danced and moved to the music. Another couple of Indian national looking or Bangladeshi I'm not sure, tried to chat us up and we just ignored him then what he did was he just put down his drink, cross his arms and stood in front of us and just stared at the both of us. Weird... Still we just ignored. After a while he chat up with this ?Chinese girl, the girl entertained him and then that's it his hands moved to her butt. Ha! Ha! Ha! She pushed his hands away and walked away. The guy just looked at her was non chalant about the whole thing and turned continued to stare at us.
Ana and I again moved in front of the band and enjoying ourselves and then we saw the cute danish guy kissing a girl!!! That's so sad... Ana was like... " Why must he do it in front of us?".. Ha ha...
I don't know how come we got to pretending to be drunk where we didn't drink anything. The song Sweat came out and we just prancing down the staircase to get out. Met the Sri Lankan man again and he said... " Hey! It's the Singapore girls!" As usual he was not entertained. We were laughing so hard at the traffic light and this policeman came up to us... " having fun?" Ana was like .."yeh!... are u?" He said... " Always"... I don't know what came out to me I just sang right in front to his face.. Always by Bon Jovi. Ana.." Hey stop that he thinks you're drunk." I just gave a cheeky smile and stopped.. the policeman guy was laughing. The green man came out and we danced across the road.
So thristy wanted to get something to drink, went in 7-11 store and saw this chinese guy on shift. We spoke in chinese and communicate with him in chinese and he looked puzzled... Priceless!! Ha ha... Took the cab home. As usual giggled to sleep.

Day 4
Sun 9/1/05:

We woke up at 1300hrs. Way much later than usual. Plan was to go to Fish Market. Reached there about 4pm. Took some photos. And had seafood platter again. We had our food at the docks. Its such a pretty sight, very overwhelmed... very peaceful and serene. We were eating and giggling and taking individual photos... yeah.. obviously no one else to take for us. There were 2 guys across of us. Both came over to say hello. The one who talked alot was Richard, the other Glenn was rather quiet but had the mysterious appeal. Very friendly people. Ana and I were attracted to Glenn alot rather than Richard. Glenn and Richard helped us take photos around the docks. Also offered to teach us surfing. Obviously I took advantage of the situation. Kwakakaka....
They offered us a ride home but we decline, not very comfortable with that.
We walked all the way home. Ana and I kept talking about Glenn most of the time....
We got home and got dressed for Salsa. Supposely to meet Ana's pal, Pamela. We kinda rushed to Darling Harbour coz Pam was already there waiting for us at The Watershed. When we got there, there wasn't anything going on. Met Pam with a bunch of people sitting by the pool table. Was introduced to a few asians, Tru, Adrian Kang aka weirdo and a few others can't remember the names.
VERY BORING!!!! The Adrian Kang guy tried to chat up with me but he freaks me out so I kept talking to Tru. We were about to leave when we saw a few couples started taking the dancefloor. I sat and watch while Pam and Ana got reaquainted in the ladies room. Tru came up to me for a dance, I warned him that I couldn't. He said he didn't mind. So what the hell, I went! I was so stiff, of course! FIRST TIME!!!!! Tru got impatient and stopped after failing to spin me without looking like a complete fool. Told ya! Then Adrian Kang came up to me for a dance... and in my head was like " Argh! Adrian.... " started to hate that name aLOT! Seriouly I can't dance but he suck!!!! Then I came up with the " I'm tired, need a break" look. I think by then Ana and Pam were watching me. I rest awhile before another South American old guy came up to dance with me. This old man is good. She spins me like as if I'm floating in the air and I got the hang of it and moved gracefully. Then I felt like.. this is what I call dancing man!!! At one moment I felt something on my knee..its his thing! Euuukk!!! I just moved back and curtsey.
I was so envious on how Ana and Pam got swung by the other men, while I just sat and Adrian Kang gave me his namecard and with his hands and said " call me, maybe we can have dinner before you leave for Singapore" I gladly accepted the namecard not the offer... yeah I don't know why, the guy freaks me out!
He and Tru the impatient guy left.
Another Italian looking old man came up to me to dance, I warned him I said I can't. he said.." I saw you move, you're good." I blushed while composing myself and I went on to dance with over the hill man. He was the SUPERB! He swung me like a girl twirling and I spin and spin and spin......he kept telling me to smile coz I looked so serious.... of course, I was concentrating... He told me to Feel The Music... with his "chikopek" face kinda cute. At the end of the song, he dropped me and I had my both legs in the air, so embarrasing... but it was so fun! Ana, Pam and I got tired and bored and decided to leave. We pranced put of the club and made our way heading back to town.
Met a few weird people on the way
1) A chinese guy who came alone wanted to take photos of us instead of him
2) A few Aussies tried to jump off a bridge
3) Had a near death experience at the connecting bridge; a beer bottle nearly slammed into my face

Somehow Pam decided to bring us to this pub called Scruffy Murphy's, somewhere near George Street.
I wasn't very comfortable at first and I was more into 3 wise monkeys. We went in, first person I saw was the bass player... cute! We hang around the band first before moving behind of the pub. I was looking at the crowd... then I saw this fine young man in black shirt and tribal necklace, greenish bluish eyes with a soft chiseled look. He look so good. I was attracted to him instantly just by looking at him 10m away. Can't take my eyes off him. I didn't like put my skirt in proper or do my hair again or slick on lipstick just to say hi, but instead I just sat at the bench crossed my legs and has my left palm on my chin, swinging my hips and kept my eyes on him. It wasn't to get his attention but rather just appreciating his good looks and mesmerised by his eyes.

I called on Ana and Pam showed them my pick. They agree that he looked good, but just wasn't their taste. Pam and Ana went to dance and I just stood in between of them just doing my thing. Slowly I'm not sure how but as I was dancing away and when I turned to my right, there I saw him. The guy with the black shirt holding to a mug of beer. I smiled at him first and he smiled back. Then we got to talk, ironically in a very loud room.
Annisa.." Hi! What's Your name?"
Black shirt guy... " Hi! My name is Adrian" His smile is diabeticly sweet.
We danced. But I guess he didn't like me or is it he's too tired and wanted to join his friends. I seperated from him awhile and I sat down, yeh, too tired I would have sat down long ago if not for Adrian. And I don't even know his last name. Who care's its not like I'm gonna marry him or going for him or something. I'ts just a holiday thing, maybe there are cute guys in Singapore, its just that I have no time to look at them.
But it was embarrassing coz my skin is all dry like an elephant and with uneven tan and I look horrible. Or is it my attitude is very Singapore..... bo chap atittude. Oh wait! ARe'nt Australians suppose to be more bo chap than us???
Adrian didn't want to dance with me so I just sat, like what I said. Ana initially she liked a guy across the room with goatie and all that. I didn't have a good look though. I saw Ana somewhere in the middle of the pub with a Brazilian looking guy hotter than anything else. Suddenly Adrian doesn't look as good anymore. Thinking again Adrian has this clean cut sophisicated goody boy look. The Brazilian guy looks more rugged. I prefer Adrian. This Brazilian guy is so smitten by Ana that he tried to kiss her, but Ana covered her mouth. He he,.... so cute....
About Pam... she started off by having his middle aged.. not really middle aged but about early 30s Irish guy. I can't remember but Pam don't really like him. While I was sitting down on the bench..after Adrian "refused" to stay longer with me.. haha.... this Irish guy slided over and said this exact words..." I like your friend but you friend doesn't like me". Sorry to say but right in his face I laughed so hard! Funny thing he was laughing too.. btw.. whats so funny??? Laughter is contagious I think.

[oh, you're half way there... oh.... Livin' on a prayer!!!.... ooopss... got carry away singing.... ] I haven't get over the whole Sydney thing yet. [ Love will lead you BACK!......someday i just know THAT! hahaha] Its all just memories now.... Getting back..

Continue maybe later, got to go to work now. and its just too overwhelming.

Ok back,...

It was about 2am when Pam, Ana and I decided to retire. I still had my eyes on Adrian... I don't know why I'm so attracted to him. I was still had my eyes planted on him til I lost him.
The 3 of us left Scruffy's. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Adrian right outside of Scruffy's. He looked half drunk... maybe high. I don't know what came off me but I went over to Adrian and said that I got a crush on him. It's a holiday thing. I may not see the guy ever again in my life, so I just decided to say it. Adrian asked me for a kiss but I decline. Whatever it is I'm so attracted to Adrian. I don't really bother at that time what he does wor what his name is but I just can't take my eyes of him. My friends thinks he's cute of course but not like how I look at him. Our taste in men are different.... in a way... Thank God!
I really wanted to see him again. I gave him Ana's number coz oh yeah... couldn't put my optus card in. Duh!
Then we left... everybody was in high spirits... Took photos on the way and Pam stayed over. Of course... giggle to sleep.

Day 5
Mon 10/1/05:

Good morning!!! This time we woke up earlier. Ana made the bed while I made breakfast. Pam received an SMS or call, I can't remember from Tom... ( yes! That's his name!) the Irish guy from yesterday. Of course!
He asked Pam out to go fishin' or something like that, on his motorbike. First Aussie guy I know who takes the motorbike. But well... I am only on my 5th day. Pam left with Tom and FORGOT HER PHONE!!! Ana got all worried... I was just dumb strucked.
While Pam was on her date, Me and Ana went to walk around Newtown. Went to this famous Clem's Chicken Shop around the corner. According to Ana they sell everything chicken there, one thing they don't have. .. Chicken Rice.... hahaha... lame joke..
We had Roast Dinner with seafood salad and cheese potatoes and mushrooms. As we were eating, I overheard some guy from the kitchen was telling some customer on how to cook the chicken??!! something like that.
2 of course good looking latin looking guys were siting next to me...nothing much to talk about them.
Food wise..... 2 thumbs up!!!! Didn't do much at Newtown... walked home. Oh yeah! I recharged my Optus card, Pam managed to open up my phone... hehe... so embarrassing... I SMS Adrian for the first time.Bren invited us for a movie. Some fireman show. He picked us up at around 6.30pm. Took his car, went to broadway. I was like Broadway... again.... but hey... c'mon.... some guy taking you to the movies, shut up... just go.... hehe....
We watched Ladder 49. About some firefighter who look back into his life in the last few minutes of his life trapped in a flaming building. Funny thing... occupational hazard.... a fella had 80% burns, mostly in the facial area... and he can still talk....!!! Total crap... Ana and I were laughing so hard!
Didn't go anywhere else after that... got home... cooked dinner.. I made pasta with mushroom sauce, soon after Pam got back. We asked Pam about her date.. it seemed that she left Tom that early afternoon and met up with Lulu i think, for dinner... and she's still having dinner with us.... haha....
She said my mushroom pasta look like mee soto... WHaT???? How could that be??? not even close.... ha!
We had no plans for the night.... I so wanted to party but I pity these girls.
Ana was washing up.. ( she has too, I already cooked.. haha..).. Pam and I were on the bed laughing about some unimportant trivia and we saw 2 heads popping out from the balcony across the block. 2 very shiny heads...
Pam and tried to get their attention.... we waved, shouted and shone torchlight on them... Finally, they saw us. Ana was so embarrassed, of course she's living there!
Ana was tidying things up, Pam and I talked to the guys outside the balcony.

Pam:, "Hi!!"
2 bald guys: "Hi!"
Annisa: " What are your names?"
Tall bald guy: "Daniel!"
Short bald guy: "Ennio"
Daniel: " What's yours"
Pam: "Pamela"
Annisa:" Annisa"
[ Ana came out ]
Ana: "Hanah"
[ Daniel signaled us to come over ]

Shit! Should we or shouldn't we? I didn't care much, I'm on holiday!!
So we just got into what we are suppose to wear, we were to go to sleep at that time, suddenly going over to the boys'.
Daniel open the door, I think.... and Daniel is so cute. More like dumb cute to me...
We got up the steel spiral ladder to where they were. Met Ennio there. We had coke, sat and talked. Ana and Pam were talking to the 2 of them, I was kinda switched off. It was actually not Daniel's or Ennio's but a guy called Sonny. He went out to buy stuff, so he didn't know that we came over.
Minutes later it wasn't Sonny but another geek... ooopss... i mean Greek... haha.... guy named Peter aka Chocka. He was there, and Ana and I thought he looked so familiar. Then when he introduced himself, then we guessed he was the The Chicken Shop guy we saw earlier. So unexpected. Ana and Pam and the rest of the guys were talking and talking, I felt so tired, had the night breeze gently blowly to my face, leaned my back to the air conditioner and u noe what??? I dozed off with my eyes wide open. I really felt that I was sleeping, but subconcisously I was talking, according to the girls though. I didn't know what happened. I knew Sonny got back, he started strumming on the guitar and people singing but I can't recalled what happened. After a while I signalled to the girls to go back to get some sleep, even though I had some earlier.. wkakakaa....
Got home, giggled to sleep.

Day 6
Tues 11/1/05:

As usual woke up late even though planned to wake up so much earlier.
Plan: Going to Bondi.
With: Pam, Lucy and Adam.
I was very quiet in the bus, I was pissed at something but just leave that in my head. I just got no mood no talk to anyone or even to smile or joke. We took 2 buses, I love the buses in Sydney compared to taxis coz u get to see so many thibgs outside and actually see how people there live their live. Unlike here in Singapore, i like the cab than anything else.
Got there finally, tried to locate Lucy and Adam (Pam's friends)
Bondi beach is SO BEAUTIFUL, breath taking, serene, UNBELIEVABLE! I can just stand there and weap looking at it. I always see such things on post cards, on desktop wallpapers, never did I imagine that I'm seeing in real life. The waves are strong and synchonised, water is very clear and the sand is so soft and clean. I can rub them on my face if I was crazy. Ha ha!!
I had my first smile or laugh when I saw Adam put tons of sunblock on his nose! i know its not funny but he looks so funny. Met Lucy for the first time. An english girl.
She's ok very nice chap nothing much to say about her.
Now for the big moment: Take off my top. It was so difficult to do. Shall not eleborate.

Ana got a call from Glenn. All along she thought it was Bren. Glenn wanted to come over to teach us surfing. Cool!
They came an hour later.
The 3 of us left Lucy and Adam and head off to the water with Glenn. Richard just sat back. Pam went in first, she's good, and of course its not her first time.. Tet! He he... sorry Pam...
Ana went in next, I was abit concerned that she might fall off easily coz she's so petite coz it look pretty hard when Pam wrestled with the board and the waves. But Ana did it!!! She went in 3 times I think. Good job!
My heart was pumping very hard, I was very scared and nervous. I never surf before let alone swimming in sea water. Yeah I am such a loser.
I couldn't swim, I can actually but I hardly move so Glenn piggy back ride me to the deeper area and dragged me to the waves. I WAS VEY SCARED. The waves were so strong that my head felt as if its independant from my body. Glenn kept on saying " Over", "Under"... I just went along. I realised I was far away from the shore. Eiks! A biggie came so Glenn spun me around and push me towards the shore. Thats what I was waiting for, I was actually surfing, it was so cool, the gush and energy from the waves push me right out. It was smooth and clean and incredible. Oh my god, I'm actually surfing!!!! I went through the whole thing 4 times. I didn't want to come out of the water but I had too, my body hurts like crazy.
I came out Pam and Ana were cheering for me, thats when I really came out of my moodiness. C'mon! I'm on holiday! Yeh!
Glenn asked if we girls wanna hang out tonight, so Pam suggested we go to Scruffy Murphy's. So we made plans to meet Richard, Glenn, Lucy and Adam there.
We got home, had a small dinner before going out again.

We got to Scruffy's. Met Glenn and Silvana, Glenn's older sister. Richard couldn't make it coz hes "already in bed reading a book". As usual, Pam, Ana and my eyes scanned around the room. Nah.. hello.. not to look for cute guys, just to look at the crowd.
Initially it was very boring but the band was good. Very semi rasta feel to it. Can't remember what band was it.

[Listening to Laura Fygi right now]

Ana and Pam went up near the band with Richard and I stayed behind our usual spot with Silvana, to keep an eye to the bags. Silvana was on fire! She was going solo all the way with a mug of beer in her hand. I notice a guy sitting quietly on the long bench just drinking. He looked weird though wearing a white shirt and cap... in a pub??? It was getting crowded when the stag guys came in. Very rowdy bunch of boys. Yeah boys... they easily look 18-22. Pam and Ana was with them while Glenn comes over to me and Silvana on and off. I was dancing with Silvana when I accidently had my ass right in front of the weird looking guy with the cap. Opps... I apologised and I continued dancing with Silvana going crazy. I got all tired, after all the surfing earlier and I sat on the other end of the bench. I just moved my body to the music, I finally I realised I really let loose. Let my hair down, really party. Never ever done that in Singapore before. Sometimes I'm so afraid of making a fool of myself. But I learn not to care and just do what I wanna do. The band was playing Play That Funky Music White Boy I clearly remembered. Suddenly weird cap guy slide over I went like Shit! Damn! He tapped me on the shoulder.

Weird Cap Guy: " Do you guys come together?" ( pointing to Pam and Ana and the rest of the stag guys gang with Lucy and Adam)

Annisa: " yeah we sort of"

WCG: " Seen you around earlier, What's your name?"
I went like Shit!!!!!! How do I handle this? Why? Why? Really felt like running away.
But I thought never mind, just entertain him awhile.

Annisa: " Annisa. What's yours?"

WCG: He took off his cap. " Hi I'm Elliot"
Obviously he is so CUTE!He got sharp features with a rugged look complete with slight facial hair that has this sexy look. And to think I nearly rubbed my ass infront of him and I didn't notice... how blind was I? I saw him first when I got in but never paid attention. Ha ha...

We were talking about work with the loud music behind so its kinda interesting if you know what I mean...* cheeky grin*
Like what I said we were talking about work most of the time and agreeable on most issues. alot of things in common regarding work. Like we both work irregular hours, a love-hate relationship with our jobs and tiring. Nearly about 20 mins later then it started;

Elliot: "Wait a minute, what do u do?"
Annisa: I'm a RN. ( I used RN coz thats the term they use for nurses in US)
Elliot: " Seriously? Wait, this is not a pick up line whatsoever but you gotta believe this, I'm a doctor."
Had this incredibly surprise look on my face, its a turn off btw... hehe
Annisa: "Seriously?" Cant believe this a 27 year old CUTE doctor I met in Sydney.
One thing I like about Elliot is that he's very passionate about his work and I seldom see that in poeple in Singapore, coz I think people here are very stressed up. I won't deny he is so cute. I still have that smile on my face everytime I think about my meeting with Elliot.
Before I forget, he looks like Adam Sandler. I'm so sure. According to Elliot he get that alot. A little bit of David Schwimmer. But definitely an Adam Sandler.
We were talking and talking. He came with a friend. So he looked for his friend and introduced me to him. Shit! Its a Mexican guy, short, around my height. He's cute too. I haven't meet alot of cute guys in my life suddenly god just gave everything to me in 2 whole weeks. Paying back what I missed out.... Ha ha ha ha ha ha... His friend, Victor is cute too. But he's not my kind of guy but I'm very sure Ana will like him alot, he's so Ana. One thing about Ana is that she doesn't like me telling people she's a nurse. But this is an exception. I love the word EXCEPTION. Yeah Adrian used that on me.

I called Ana over. Introduced them and said she's a nurse too. Ana got that pissed look in her face. I whispered to her it gonna get good. So I told her this is Elliot and this is Victor. They are M.Os in NYC here on elective. Should see the look on Ana's face. The pissed grin suddenly turned to a girlish cheeky smile... she went.." oh hi! I'm Hanah.." She turned and looked at me giving me the approval look. It was embarrassing seeing her flirting with Victor, like what I said she will definitely like Victor alot. Firstly she addressed them as Dr Elliot and Dr Victor. Ha ha...
Secondly about the honeymoon story she told the 2 cute doctors... haha... we didn't realise till a few days after! Something about having a honeymoon in Mexico to do the hula is a childhood dream. Mexico and Hula????? That's how cute the American guys were til Ana went bonkers.
I was at all times make sure I was with Elliot. Danced with him, interacted with him. But still I kept a distance. I'm not easy. Just typing this I thought of that Ronan keating song, If Tomorrow never Comes.....

I so wanted to go home earlier coz theres nothing interesting, now I wanted to stay so much, of course with Elliot. I went over to Ana in Malay of course... " Aku nak stay... kau balik dulu lah.... anything aku call kau..." Ana was like WHAT???? ANNISA?????? " Pam is leaving with the stag guys!" Then I thought Ana you come along with me, there's Victor. So Ana in a split second, agreed. So we suppose to hang out, Me, Elliot, Victor and Ana. We met Pam outside the pub, Pam suddenly changed her mind. We were talking in Malay and Mandarin so to be discreet. Then Elliot came up to me and said that Pam can come with us if she wants too.
So after much discussion, Pam came along with us.
We didn't know where to go so Elliot suggested We go to his hotel nearby. Ana and I naturally got a little nervous. But we know we could take care of ourselves.
Seriously I can't remember what hotel was it but I remember the hotel number is 536, the hotel opposite Macquarie Hotel. So the 5 of us left. The hotel room was more like a 1 room studio. Elliot suggested watching a movie so all of us ended up watching Dodgeball. Some things are better left in my head.
We said goodbye at 7am.

Day 7
Wed 12/1/05:

The guys wanted to go to Manly on that day and said they will call us that same night to hang out. Ana and I were so excited. Pam said her goodbyes... she went back to Epping. Ana and I were making our way home when we started discussing how cute they were, and sharing stories. So I came up with a stupid ridiculous idea which in the end was to our benefit. We don't have their contact numbers, obviously they are not locals, Elliot has mine though... kwakakaka..... so I suggest that since Ana and I haven't been to Manly before maybe we can join Elliot and Victor. So the ridiculous idea was to walk back to the hotel room, knock on the door and ask them out. Ana has always been saying that I should remember this is not Singapore, so I'm doing something which I never done in Singapore before, go to a guy's hotel room and knock on the door to get a date!! Best of all, Ana agreed to the idea. So we walked back, swallowing our pride and say our prayers, Ana refused to face the door she just lean against the wall. I pressed the bell.

There VICTOR opened the door. He was wearing shorts and bare bodied and rubbing his eyes. He look so SEDAP,,, like how Ana says it. He agreed to the Manly date, he said he gonna call me around noon time.
Ana and I left the hotel with a huge smile on our faces.
We got home, Ana left for her interview, I slept. When I woke up, Ana was sleeping next to me. Suddenly my phone rang. It was Elliot.

Elliot: " Hey Annisa, its Elliot... Hey, I don't think we are going to make it to Manly today coz we're too tired. Most probably taking the day tour from the hotel and maybe I'll call you tonight to hang out..."

Annisa: " Yeah sure no prob, we're tired too. give us a call later"

Who would ever thought that was the last I hear from them.
So happened Glenn called us. Offered to bring us to Maroubra Beach, for surfing... so we agreed to go.
We were getting ready. I was seriously thinking about Elliot and I'm very sure Ana has Victor in her head.... WHen I fall in love..... it will be forever...or I'll never fall in love....
I had my phone in the basin and I turn on the tap.... yes.. you've guessed it... I drowned my phone. The first thing I thought about wasn't my phone... is that Elliot is going to call!!! What man does to women... Sigh....
Glenn came to pick us up, seriously both of us were so mood out. Really... not joking...
Maroubra was so much scenic than Bondi, Bondi has too many poeple there but Maroubra has the stronger waves and lesser poeple....
We really got no mood to do anything so we just sun tan and chat.. I went in the water coz I want to surf as much as I can. I was left independant, Gleen wanted to see if I could handle it myself. I wore the slippers and wet suit myself and I went in alone. The waves were so strong that my head hurts when it hit me. I tried so hard to stand up and when I did I was immediately gobbled by the waves again... This repeated about 5 times when a young Aussie came up to me and help me up... Ha ha.... It was fun though....
I went back to Glenn and Ana and we decided to leave and go for dinner. One thing about Glenn that I don't like is that he's a chronic alcoholic. He can't leave without beer. It's like my dad can't live without his Malboros.
Glenn drove us to this place called Noodle Boy. It's an Asian restaurant... not sure what Asian is that. Looks more like the ones Sakura serves here. Glenn had Laksa, Ana had Horfun and I can't remember what I had. As usual Glenn had his Toothey's beer again. His beer spilled in his Laksa and he still finished it... I can't stand it after that, I find that he's not respecting people. But still its his own country and I'm just a foreigner. Its Australia, he can do whatever he wants.
I Paid nearly 3/4 of the bill.... its nonsense. He brought us there, told us what to order and when I flipped out a 20 diollar bill, he gave me a 5 and thats it.
I was very pissed coz he wasn't a gentleman... at least offer or tell me if dinner's on me. I wouldn't mind.
He drove us home. Ana made a big mistake of inviting him over. Just a way of saying thank you. Both of us thought he wouldn't but he did. He slept on Ana's bed. We so badly wanted to go out but we can't leave Glenn there. We waited and waited and we finally did leave him in the house and left.
We wanted to find this place called Arizona at Pitt Street so badly coz they were playing Salsa. Firstly we couldn't find the place and then so happened that Sonny called and we ended up hanging out at his. Yes you've guessed it, Glenn was still there. I think I was more worried than Ana did. We kept peeping at Glenn across the block, making sure he didn't ransack our stuff... haha... I'm not sure if Pam and Daniel was there. Oh yeah no... they weren't. It was me, Peter, Peter's friend with UP3, Sonny, Ennio and Ana. Peter and I were talking and talking while Ennio , Sonny and Ana were doing something else... hehehehe.... Smokin!!!
About 3am we left. Glenn was still there. He left about 6am I think... he let himself out. Ana and I still felt sore about Elliot and Victor...

Day 8
Thurs 13/1/05:

We woke up at about 10am... That was also Ana's foster parent came to pick us up to go to Blue Mountains. I was so embarrassed, the time I met someone for the first time is when he saw me got up from bed. That was also the day I got to know that Andre got back from France. We took Cik Zali's van to Katoomba. It was a long ride, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I see things which I always got to see in TV but not in real life. Its so breathtaking. Its like I'm living in the world of Pleasantville. Yup, yup.. its exactly like that. When I got to Blue Mountains, I was like..." So this is what its all about..". I can't believe for months I've been reading about it on the net, everyday Iqmal has been telling me about Blue Mountains.... and finally I'm physically there! I almost teared... seriously... its so serene and quiet and its how I imagine how it were to be... Only thing it was hot HOT HOT!!!! Could barely open up my eyes. I've been to the 3 sisters... and I comfortable added myself in as the 4th one. he he...

Didn't spend much time there. Cik Zali drove us to Featherdale Wildlife Park.... And that is what I came to Australia for.... KOALAS AND KANGAROOS... One of the koala, Lenny... looked exactly like Fibi. Or is it that my cat looks like a koala. Resemblence is uncanny. Nothing much.... we went in say hello to animals and went off. Weird thing is that Ana and I were quite to ourselves over there, its like we are depressed or worried of something. WHen we started to talk again, its the issue of Elliot and Victor. Looks like we're never getting over the American docs.

Just feel like doing this though:

Are you ready?
You call me on the phone I act like nothings going on
We're drivng in my car I pretend that you don't turn me on
Ah ah ah you sexy thing Yeah you know it yeah Ah ah ah you move around now you show it

I'm not in love
It's just a faze that i'm going through
I'm always looking for something new
But don't go running away
It's almost 3am I'm hoping that you don't let go
You're moving in so close I'm trying not to lose control
Ah ah ah you sexy thing Yeah you know it yeahAh ah ahYou move around now you show it (come on)

I'm not in love
It's just a faze that i'm going through
I'm always looking for something new
Don't go running away
Oh i'm not in love
I try to tell myself all the timeI just can't help how i feel tonight
So don't go running away yeah Im not in love (yeah yeah)I'm not in love I'm not in love (give it to me now)
I'm not in love (break it down)
Ah ah ah you sexy thing Yeah you know it ah ah ah You move around yeah you show it

We went for dinner at some Asian eating place next to some petrol station. Has a Halal cert btw. Met Sonny before going back for grocery shopping. I don't know what we were thinking but we actually poured our woes out to Sonny... poor boy.... but he actually listen. He's a good guy. It was about 6pm and its confirmed... ELLIOT AND VICTOR LEFT SYDNEY FOR GOOD FOR BRISBANE. I still can't get over it.
Plan for the night: Bicardi Latin Festival @ Darling Habour. We met Pam at Darling Habour. Ana's misery would end tonight coz Danny made plans to come down and he's bringing a friend along... for Pam.. thank goodness. Danny came with his fat friend... Chiko I think.. its short for Fransico or something like that. I take back my word, he wasn't fat just big size. Looked like my friend Delon back during the GV days. Latin party to me sucked a little, I was kinda lonely, and still I don't have much friends here, how many people can you seriously be friends with in just 8 days? Most of them come and go. So I don't know what happened there I texted Adrian. Yes its Adrian Cunningham not Adrian Kang from Watershed.
Coming back to Danny and Co, We went to The Docks for Salsa party. Some guy came up to me and invited me in with Pam... but we decline coz we planned to go somewhere else, I can't remember where. Ana decided we should check out The Docks. We went in, hey play good Latin stuff. Danny obviously was all over Ana and This Chiko tried to get fresh with Pam, I still can't get over the whole incident. I told myself, hhmm... Adrian's too busy shouldn't disturb him, I really didn't want to but I seriously wanted to get out of there coz I felt so lost and lonely. So I dono how come but Ana was holding on to my phone when Adrian Cunningham (AC) called. I answered, obviously very excited and he said he gonna meet me at Darling Harbour at the big boat area. It was one of the prominent landmarks there.
AC looked so good. He got this good boy, clean cut look which I like. I was obviously very excited and we went in The Docks to join the rest, and he needed the restroom. He met the rest of the guys, esp Danny and I just figured out that we met both guys ON THE SAME NIGHT at Scruffy Murphy's. I'm not sure if AC realised that, but I guess he was a little bit high on our first meeting.. haha....

Ana was pissed at me coz I was ignoring her for Adrian but for me, I just needed that reassuarance coz I'm trying to get over the Elliot-Victor thingy. She has Danny in her pocket already. Whatever it is maybe my behaviour was a turn off I don't know but its just that I'm so glad to see AC again!! I'm sure despite Ana being pissed she's happy for me... She's my best friend, she understands... I think.... haha...
We dance for awhile and then he wanted to take me to this Jazz place just outside of Camperdown.Pam was really turned off by Chico, he tried to kiss her or somthing. Pam wanted to go home. Ana told Pam that me and Adrian going off to some Jazz club and suggested I bring her along. I really wanted to be alone with Adrian but at the same time I wouldn't want Pam to go home while Ana and I having a hell of a time. So I brought Pam along...

I didn't know what Ana's plan is with Danny. I left with Adrian ( I like it Adrian rather than AC) and Pam. We got to the Jazz place. Adrian bought us drinks. Its nice to see that not all Aussies are like Glenn who made me pay for dinner.... Phuh! We were just sitting around, I was so overwhelmed by the music they play there, I always listen to Jazz music on CDs but never heard it live. So I did it for the first time, I was so taken aback, yes I was so amazed, Pam looked comfortable but I'm so overwhelmed. Its like "now I see the real stuff". Thanks to Mr Cunningham. Pam had a crush on a girl called Hayley, she was soo cute.. for once I forgot that I'm straight.. haha...After much of playing the piano guy called upon Adrian... and I was like... "WHAT!!??" He stood up... he looked like he couldn't wait to play rushed up and picked up his Sax and started playing..... HE WAS SO GOOD.... seriously its not because I got a crush on him or something but seriously he is VERY VERY GOOD. I looked at Pam and Pam looked at me we were like... OMG!!! I suddenly thought of P. Ramlee... Perwira...... kwakakaka.... it was so fun....
Adrian is one talented man.... every guy would love to be him... He's super cute, very nice guy, talented... wow... I'm sure girls are swooning over him. BUt again I think Daniel's cuter. I don't know why I thought of Daniel suddenly. But Daniel is just into Pam only Pam.... he's so Pammed up over Pam. I don't like such man.

I didn't know what to talk to Adrian about just by looking at him I'm dumbstrucked. I took out my purse took out my card, showed him my IDs and nursing license. He looked interested though. AT that time I was so dead sleepy. Maybe the music kinda hypnotised me. I tried something new.. only Pam has the evidence.. haha... Not gonna tell. So Adrian decided to call it aday.. thats weird coz we already started on a new one. kekeke..

This is the funny part... Ana was at Danny's place. I was in the car with Adrian and Pammy. Ana wanted me to go back coz she feels so uncomfortable about the whole thing at Danny's. So she wanted me to go back. Adrian looked pissed. I was talking to Pam in Chinese about her leaving the car first later so that I could chat up with Adrian. She gladly gave in... so sweet of her. So I went like...

Annisa: " Adrian, this maybe my last meeting with you... so just wanna say take care.... wish u all the best in your carrer and I call u up when I'm back in Sydney."

Adrian: " You too, have a nice trip home, nice knowing you."

Oh my god thats the most depressing thing tha happened in my life... Just like that... Gone!

SO I went to Pam's place.. its a nice cosy place despite the mess that Lucy created. Pam freaked out. Pam is so nice, she gave me the bed and she had the floor. That's when I first listen to Pink Martini's Symphatique. Like it so much. I checked my AM account and emails and just go on MSN.... even wrote up a blog entry.. go read it. Yeah I did sound depressed for while.. but things like this come and go.
I shared alot of things with Pam and that I'm suprised that we get along so well in just a few days. I love her as my buddy. But Pam doesn't giggle to sleep like how Ana does, but shes learning.. hehe.. love you Pammy..

Day 9
Fri 14/1/05:

I woke up not realising it was already about 10 plus. Good thing Ana called. I got up, didn't wake Pam up, went to shower and I told Pam I was leaving. I walked myself out and head for the bus station. Know what?
I wasn't scared at all. I just went as if I lived there. Nothing scary abvout moving around in Sydney. I took a bus that says to City. It ride wasn't as long as I thought it gonna be. I alighted at Queen Victoria Building and I took the cab. Too tired to take the bus. I got back at Ana's place, she was awake. We talked about what we did the night before blah blah blah.... certain stuff are not suppose to be blogged. ha ha....
We were suppose to go to George street to confirm my flight and get some stuff. We ended up at Paddy's Market. I bought tons of clothes so did Ana. We were suppose to cook for the boys that evening so we kinda rushing things up. We got free caps from the shop where we bought tons of clothes and we took the bus home... we were very very late.

We got back, waved at Sonny and signalled to them when we were ready to have them over. Ana settled the Ayam masak Kicap... basically is marinated chicken with soy sauce. I did Telur Sambal Tumis... just boiled eggs cooked in chilli paste. Accompanied by assorted vegetables in oyster sauce and fruits. Cooking in Ana's kitchen was physically and emotionally challenging. I didn't like the whole process at all coz its not my kitchen I do things my own way and with my own equipments so you put me in a nother setting and expect me to perform as well.... err.... oopss... I can't do that. Its like Ana uses a blender, I got no idea how the blender works... at home I use the traditional way of pounding.... back to the simple old days..
Everything went well.... we served the food and no one complains and they finished everything and even had seconds.
Pam came later to join us, obviously Daniel was so happy. Its so obvious he likes PAm. Had his eyes glued on Pam.

We got ready to go to The Basement... some jazzy place Hayley reccomended us yesterday. Somewhere at Circular Quay.
I was so concentrating on the band with the back up singers. One of them had her boobs over done... I was looking at them most of the time... I mean how did she got a top that fits. Its so gigantic that at one point it looked scary rather than sexy. Me and Sonny liked the Aborigine looking back up singer. She was superb!!! The band that played was called THE HANDS... why would people named a band like that???? I would called my Salsa group THE LEGS then... haha...

[Listening to Billy Holidays' Trav'lin' All Alone]

Drinks we had;
Ana- Vodka lime
Pam- Lemon Lime and Bitter
Daniel- Gin & Tonic
Sonny- Gin & Tonic
Annisa- Orange Juice.

We were talking about talent so suddenly and I said that Daniel is good looking, Sonny could sculpt, Pam and Ana could dance... I'm yet to find what i'm good at. Daniel said I could do stand up comic or something like that. He said I was funny. From what I know I have a weird sense of humour but that funny??? I dono.. I took it as a compliment. Yeah maybe I'm funny... Thinking back... Mildred will laugh at everything I say.. even to me when its not funny at all or when I'm being serious. People think I'm a happy girl but actually I do have my own concerns. Maybe I subconsiously used humour as a defence mechanism.
Getting back...

Peter came and joined us after a while. Shortly after we left, wanted to go to some other clubs... we walked... while walking we really talked crap.. I talked crap the most even though I only had OJ. We wanted to go to Chinese Laundry but then it was closing and we had to pay to get in... we ended up at this place called Slip In. We just sat and had water and we started dancing.... It was so obvious that the guys never done such things before. We danced to Michael Jackson's Billy Jean and Earth Wind and Fire's Let's Groove. Daniel looked as if he was working out.... SOnny looked like a typical Ah Beng.. he does have that Ah Beng thing about him, the Chinese look, spiky hair and gold chains... and we thought him how to say " Na Be Cho Chi Bai" its a swearing thing in Chinese. He was a natural! Peter was just Peter... he really looked like he was enjoying himself. We automatically had our own partners witout realising it... Daniel went with Pam.. like duh! Ha Ha Ha... Sonny was with Ana and me and Peter were like rejects ha ha.. nah I enjoyed his company alot!!! With his Hey Gurlfren!!! That was so cool... We sweared along the streets of Sydney in multi languages..... the Sials, Na Bes, Garhmisus, Fordes, many many more... And the Aussies don't care.
At slip in I commented that the bartender was cute.... so Peter challenged me to tell him that he's cute and to hug the guy and yes to get his name too.. So the pressure was on me... I went up to him and ask for his name.. so obvious coz he had this huge name tag.. haha... his name is.. what? I can't remember. Brian, Bernard... whatever... so I told him he was cute and asked him for a hug.. He did... I won the bet.. worse we didnt bet on anything.. stupid me... He still chased all of us out during closing time. hat was so funny.

We made our way to Darling Harbour and decided to go to Cargo Bar. The rule was the guys can go in if there were girls with them. It was an easy access. They played mostly Latin music there and we danced and danced and danced... Still I was with Peter and Sonny and Ana. Pam and Daniel was somewhere else but nearby. Everybody looked the ame over there but still maybe we were with the guys no one came up to us.

We got super super tired and my feet hurt like crazy. We walked to McDonalds.... some guy came up to me and gave him a hug, I can't remember and Ana was like... " How come no one want to hug me??" Someone did I think... And Peter was like how come no one wanted to hug him..... He was ignored... haha
We danced to tunes like Orange Colored Sky and New York, New York.... yeah could have guessed Ana and I still felt sour about the Elliot-Victor thing. They worked in NYC. Its like the whole city is laughing at us.

We got to McDonald... I had fillet O fish.... and fries of course no chilli sauce. I told the guys that I wantd to have a McDonald's birthday party @ East Coast Park and Daniel laughed at me.. I said it has always been my childhood dream. really humiliated myself. We took stupid photos and let me tell you those were the best days of my life... I really treasure that kind of friendship and I never had that kind of friendship before, it was unconditional and happy. Peter left shortly after.

We got home, Pam stayed over.

Day 10
Sat 15/1/05:

We got up. We had crumplets. I had 3...
Ana left he house first to meet Andre at QVB. Pam and I left after that. On our way there, 2 Aussies stopped us. Saying something like they wanted to invite us to their birthday party at some place blah blah blah... Those guys were from Melbourne. Finally met Ana at QVB with Andre. Andre is cute but not as cute as I thought. Maybe not my kind of cute. We walked in QVB for a while and met up with the Singaporean Body Shop girl again. Her name's Chrissy and she's a Uni student doing Psychology. Working in The Body Shop part time. We didn't buy anything just wanted to se her again.
We went to a Wallebees shop and I tried on one of the jerseys. I looked so good... nearly bought it. It was AU$150!!! Andre said that I could get cheaper ones elsewhere. However Andre was very moody, I felt a little bit uncomfortable him being like that.

We went to Myer's Shopping centre to look for Andre's shirt for some attachement. I liked the purple shirt with stripes and Andre just took it, tried it on and paid for it.... He looked good. Singaporean men would never wear pink or purple. They think its too feminine.
Andre was so in love with our dear friend and at some point I think my friend got a little bit concerned.

We went to QVB basement to have Laksa. Its a Malaysian shop. The Laksa was authentic but they used Beehoon instead of Laksa noodle. Overall it was ok. Andre told me about his stay in Singapore. He reminded me alot of Mats when he stayed with me. Mats was this Swedish guy who stayed over my place for 16 days and we did so many funny things. But he liked it.. very willing to learn... and that was Andre. Maybe European men are like that.

We walked to this Discount Shop at Town Hall and I bought lots of souvenirs/novelty stuff. Bought Bondi t shirts for Nas and Hidhir. Andre had to go out with one of his female friends that night and the way I looked at it he looked guilty as if he's cheating on Ana or something. But whatever it is Ana is not his. He's not with her.
Andre left from Town Hall. Ana wanted the ladies badly so we used the train station's. Just outside there was this old man buskering with his Sax... he wasn't that good but I appreciate what he does. I gave him a gold coin and just give him a few seconds of attention before Ana called for me. We were in the ladies when Andre texted Ana saying that he cancelled his date with his friend. Boy, now I finally see that this guy is in serious trouble... he's in love. But Ana not giving in to him, said she's not meeting him, she gonna spend time with me. For the obvious reasons. Some stuff are not suppose to be blogged.

We got home. Plan: Badd Manors and Scruffy Murphy's one last time before I leave for home.

<<>>

Writing from Sydney in Pam's room

2005-01-14T01:39:00.000+08:00

I'm now in Pam's room writing up my blog....
Shit! i feel so stupid..... I'm feeling so mood out.. yeah there are reasons to it but I guess now is

now a right time to discuss about it.... My stay has been very unpredictable.

For sure I'm in love with Scruffy Murphy's....... definitely for some reasons...

Whoever reads this I'm looking for a Dr Elliot ....... and a Dr Victor....... from the states..... Elliot does Gastroenterology and Victor does Cardiology.....

p/s: Adrian Cunningham.... fav saxaphonist in the whole world.

Can I bring Fibi on the plane?

2005-01-02T15:08:00.000+08:00

I'm on Night Shift today.... feeling rather tired kinda ironic as I haven't even started the shift.

Counting down to the days before I'm flying off... I've always imagine what the day gonna be like, where I sit in the plane, what I'm gonna wear.... still I'm reluctant to leave my cats behind. I would be 7hrs away from Fibi, Mina and Yas. So whats up with the " coming out of my comfort zone"... "venture the world" where I can't even bear to leave my "kids" behind? The day will come, and I will still have to go... take it as a challenge.... I may not want to come back when I'm in Sydney... haha..... Really have to say this, may sound weird but its true. I really have to thank Iqmal, he's the one who really inspired me to see the world, well, yeah I already have the interest in travelling, but he make it sound so much easier and there's nothing to be afraid of. He's the kind of guy who can just at a split second decide to run away to Taiwan for a while and come back as if its just around the corner, Orchard road or Geylang for that matter. And he can't even speak Mandarin properly at the first place!!! Goodness Gracious... other than speaking broken Mandarin and looking like a typical terrorist for that matter... he still came back in one piece.

Just too bad my friendship with him was just within the ward... would love to speak to the guy again... coz he got lots of things to say worth listening...

You've Got Mail

2004-12-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

I would like to start my entry as if I'm already in a middle of a conversation. I feel as if I've lost again. I promised myself not to let it slip by again, but I was eaten up by my pride to not be able to do that. I feel so disappointed with myself. But again for consolation, at last I've gained something from it.

I finally see my true self and know what I want and what I expect in life. As I widen my social circle, meeting people from all walks of life, I've so called been there, done that. I'm more aware on what's happening around me and whats happening with me.

I always believe on the fact that when you really want something, at that MOMENT and THAT POINT OF TIME, it had been the most important thing. After a while, if you think about your actions and things that you say, you kinda feel that it's not as important as you thought it would be. So I'm treating THIS as a passing phrase.

Confession: I have watched You've Got Mail like about 200 times. It never fails to make me cry and gives me a kind of feeling of being overwhelmed and it makes my heart float right up to my throat. I put it on tape and I watch it the moment I wake up til I left home. I would really like a bouquet of sharpened pencils.

One thing I've learned today, life usually will not go as planned. For some reason I just noticed it. Ironically, Sandra Bullock had the same line in While You Were Sleeping.

What is JCI anyway??

2004-12-16T18:38:00.000+08:00

Just ordered pizza, from Canadian Pizza. Hate Pizza Hut's delivery service, really suck and the pizza always turned out smaller than usual. Heart Breaking. Bapak is paying for it though.

Its my off day today but went back to work for JCI talk. Went back to fool around in the ward while waiting for Adoree. I marched to Sister's office first this morning to clear my name. Wrongly accused, most probably Kang's fault, love making her own version of situations. It's all about the lady who went for TOP. Shall not eleborate, coz its really complicated.

I had lunch with Juliana (Ramlan) today, had vegetarian bee hoon. Best part it slipped my mind that I'm suppose to have lunch with Adoree.

I spent my time in the ward planning my itinerary for my trip to Sydney. I had my accomodation settled and my flight and my leave is CONFIRMED!!! What more can I ask for.

I have lots in my mind, dying to plant them in my blog but however I'm just too tired and just too upset and angry. Still I have to keep a cool front. Yeah, its all about the ward. The Minahs aka Childish piece of Cow
Dung.

Oh yeah, one more thing, Adoree is leaving tomorrow for Finland. Gonna miss her alot. And Iqmal's last day is on the 22nd. No one else I can talk crap with, only left Sylvia and Harold.

I don't know how I can work with the other bunch of HOs next month. Whatever it is, I'm going back to school in July so will be really looking forward to it.

6th December 2004

2004-12-06T20:23:00.000+08:00

Its 6th of December and its Bapak's and Nani's birthday!!!! Nothing much, took off today. Mum made Baked pasta, chili crabs, satay-ed mutton or beef I don't know. Went out earlier to buy a cake. Bought the one with fruits on top, so wanted to try the chocolate grateau, bought a slice and ate it in my room. Know what??? IT SUCKS!!!!! It taste like the ones I bought when I was little at neighrbourhood bakery, buttered not fresh cream ones, that cost 60cents. I paid a whole $2.40 for a slice. Damn!!! Its Bengawan Solo Chocolate Grateau. SUCKS!!!

It's Farisa's Prom Nite today. Wore Nani's spaghetti black dress with the shawl I bought from KL. I did something to the shawl before coz I didn't like it, just put it this way, it really helped getting off the hairspray stain on my mirror... HAHAHAHA.... of course I got it laundered. And no one knows about it.
I did her makeup, and she picked the exact colours that Huiyi picked the other day, so she kinda look like Huiyi. And Farisa carried my AUTHENTIC Gucci bag.... ITS AUTHENTIC!!!!!! She still looks like a child to me.

I'm gaining weight... scary!!!!

Weird Lady

2004-12-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Just got back (always the same opening line).....
Went to Puan's house to get the damn cable from Pak Jang. Best of all, I forgot to take the software... Shucks! Was so excited to put my pics in the comp, looks like gotta go again to Puan's place again tomoro.

Photo's ready!! Yup!!! First time ever developing pics from digicams. Most of the photos look good. I spoilt most actually, with my oily face and bulky figure and irritating smile. Got to distribute to them when I get back to work. Juliana Oei and Iqmal look so much better in photos, Harold still look like Harold.... ChinHF ( I don't know why I always use initials for ChinHF... there I go again... damn..) looks good with her long legs, slim body, in heels, showing her legs flipping her hair, can make any man go crazy.... Harold must have been nervous... kwkakakakakaka......

Huiyi is like someone out from Extreme Makeover only that she is already stick-thin. So gorgeous. Juliana looked like an angel fell off from the sky with broken wings. Hahahaha....
Been critisising people all the time... but hey, I can do self critisism too...
Judging from the photos, i look like a gypsy with lost powers or no powers to begin with. More likely a confused gypsy who don't really know what she wants... wear bangles or bracelets??? Scarf or no scarf???? Its nice to be mismatched and look weird for a while. Reminds me more of Phoebe Buffay. Cut short.... Gypsy wannabe. Oh yeah I can open the sliding doors at the Esplanade....

I was very pissed off at work today. Really pissed.... But I handled my social skills very well. I woundn't mind if patients to make trouble, but sad to say its my own staff.

Gladys ( Wouldn't use her name in my blog though, call her Gladys coz she's a typical copy of that Gladys, Samantha Stephen's kaypoh neighbour in Bewitched).

[ Venting my frustrations]

Gladys thinks she's all high and mighty. And worse she thinks shes good at her good..... She sucks in certain areas by the way. I was overall in charge and Gladys was my so called "coolie".
She's very defensive and would critisize her own colleagues and never herself.... And I have enough... She refuse to take my orders and rather carry on her work. And even surf the net when I'm so busy working.... Sucks! But then its ok..... She's her own enemy, and one day will definitely get beaten. I will not do anything but just sit back and watch. Sometimes its fun though.

I collected from some of the girls and HOs compassionate money?? I think that is what its called... to Adoree.... Adoree was overwhelmed but then I feel attached to her as a friend, I treat her way off better than the malay girls in the ward. I'm only very nice to a ceratin people in my life as friends. To name some... Adoree, Uma, Ana, Nas, Karen and Emily. Call them my Mrs Field's pals.... always feed them with muffins and cookies coz I'm just totally in love with Mrs Fields. I definitely will put in effort on my pals. Coz good pals are hard to some by. Most are just passerbys in life.
And I love my cats like hell.... I will do anything for them.... I'm just a weird lady.

One thing i'm glad I forgotten all about E ( call him Akazukin). Thinking back, its more like a nightmare being of his aquaintance. Only today I realise Akazukin is nothing, nothing so great after all, just like his brains and intelligence.

I'm so attracted to men with brains and intelligence. He can look like Oscar for all I care, but then once he brings a certain level unutilised trivia, I'm so paying attention. I like men who looks into details and with ambitons, whatever it may be but as long as there's a drive to excel but also realise his own potential. In other words realistic people. That was what happened to Akazukin, but again after 2 months i realise that Akazukin is also an ass. It's not his fault but I still can't get over the incident when I got back from Bangkok. Which I never would want to discuss. If I were to look at it in a positive way, Akazukin did open my eyes and really assess what is actually going on in my life. Because of Akazukin, I realise that I have lots of agenda and rather rushing to fulfil them. And only I realise I'm 22, 8 more years before I turn 30!
Here's a summarised list:

1. Travel as much as I can... My heart aches everytime I watch The Amazing Race.
2. Get my advance diploma and degree before I'm 30. Seriously I want to take over Sister Koh's table.
3. Financially comfortable
4. Work on my Kickboxing and Belly dancing.
5. Not more than 60kg.
6. Well preserved.
7. Have offsprings... Not gonna be a spinter like my estranged aunts.

One man that I really admire on his will to succeed is Allan Fong. Used to be my Eye MO. Eh??? EYE MO??? hahahahaha.,......
Allan used to be on call when I'm on night, its like everytime I'm on night its always Justin or ChinHF (initials again... duh!).... what's wrong with me man??????
Ok ok... Allan used to surf Anakmelayu.com.... hahaha... looking at mats' and minahs' photos and laughing it off.... and still remember on how he want to build a private clinic with those extra services like facial and spa wuith gym.... with childcare centre.... and its 4 storeys high and he even planned out the details.... I'm so impressed!!! And he is really serious about it...

Call me weird but I like guys.... man not boys.... MAN.... with a weird sense of humour.... a little childish is sexy.... weird right....???

Still looking out for a Malay man... ( yes I prefer my own kind)... that meets the criteria that will bowl me over. I bet there's none. But whatever my cats comes first than any brilliant man.

D&D.

2004-12-03T11:45:00.000+08:00

Can I get sued for the contents of my blog?????
Sometimes I just write it as a journal and worse everyone can access to it... so if I write up something which displeases somebody, I'm so dead.

Went for D&D yesterday. It was so fun!!!! GYPSY!!! Hehehehe..... Huiyi came as Princes Fiona (Don't know if she will acknowledge that), Juliana was some typical fairy. Adoree was not around, granny passed away. I miss Adoree so much!!!
ChinHF was so gorgeous, really!!!! She is this tall refined young lady with heels in white..... like what the MC yesterday would say.... POWER!!!!!!!

I thought Iqmal would not turn up, but he did. I never say this but I really like his top. And really like that he wore a black t shirt in side and the white shirt out. Nice cutting and good fashion sense..... Should ask Hidhir to try that out. But in order to be wearing something like that you need to have meat. Yeah Harold would look Hideous in that outfit though. Kwakakakkakaka.....

Suai-ge... he looks like a well dressed young man who's attending a seminar dicussing world peace.... And Juliana looks like his side kick.

Enough bitching about ppl. I had a good time

I appreciate god's wonderful creations..

2004-11-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

First time ever in my life I actually miss work. Seriously! I will work anytime rather than that stupid KK thingie.
Went with Sandra though. Miss her so much. Havent seen her for years! Sandra lost so much weight, easily 10kg. We had breakfast together at KK's MacDonalds and did alot of catching up. Not really catching up, just both of us complementing each other on how much weight we lost. He he..... It was like the good ol' time back in poly.

Surprisingly majority of the participants are doctors. only a handful of us were nurses. It was so difficult for me to cope coz mostly were in medical context. When it comes to nursing, it was given in general and was skipped. At least we learn something different though. And tomorrow is the exam. Im sure gonna die.

Call me shallow for talking about cute guys all the time, but then I appreciate beautiful things in life. The coordinator, Dr Janil I think.... He's so CUTE!!!!!!!!! Seriously cute!!!! But weird thing is that only I think he's cute. Just like the other time about Ali Coowar, only I think that he's cute. Shit! Another botak man. Don't tell me I'm attracted to botak men only????Even that guy in the train that day that I think he's cute had a high hairline. Ha ha ha....

Yeah that Janil guy had such a nice shaved face, warm skin, near to botak, and he got this cute grin when he smiles. He's a Reg I think in KK's Paeds Emegency. The other participants..... "TET"...... not my taste. Kwakakakaka.....

Hmm.... I just admire and appreciate good looks... There's no harm looking and appreciate god's creations. Doesn't mean I'm dying to date him or something... Please....

Seriously I was only awake during Janil's lecture. ITS BECAUSE ITS THE FIRST LECTURE.
When it got to the pharmacology side, I'm so out. Practically sleeping with my eyes open so wide. Its the same old thing... Adrenaline 1:1000, Atropine, Sodium Bicarbonate. Who doesnt know that???????

Most probably taking MC on Sunday or Monday or even not if I could last till then. Really couldn't take it anymore. I'm so sick. I think my body system is breaking down real soon.

Wanted to buy that Black Adidas top earlier but its so expensive... $59 bucks for a factory outlet one.

Am I trachycardic???

2004-11-26T01:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get this on and off... For no reason at all I just feel scared and nervous for no apparent reason. I get anxious over nothing and my heart beats very fast. Maybe I'm not well. Been sick these few days.

Right now the feeling is like as if I'm disappointed and sad... for whatever reason I don't know. I think I'm too tired after work and need to get some rest. Will feel better tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like crying. Been through alot this year and not once I cried even though lots of events took place. I really want to cry it out to make myself feel better but then I don't have the time to cry. Seriously.

Call me crazy but I suffered mild depression as a teenager, schoolwork, activities, school politics BGR lots and lots and lots. These problems seems to be very important at that point in time but thinking back, its all very stupid. What did I do to make myself feel more at ease running away from my stressful jungle? Sit at Boat Quay Singapore River and just sit there stare in the air for hours....... Yes hours.... once sat there from 10am to 7pm... Freak am I?
And you know what?? It still works for me till today. I feel so much better just sitting my ass off.

But then if I could go through MILD depression ( actually I just couldn't control my emotions well at that point of time) as a teen, whatever problems I can face it today as an adult.

People are very taken aback or rather amazed that I could actually write up my blog like a journal. To me I got nothing to hide. No pint of hiding who you are and what you are. I'm not secretive about my age or weight especially. And yes I have lots of stories to tell. But surely it has all been screened.

Im just too tired... i need new excitement in life.

Something weird was said.

2004-11-25T08:49:00.000+08:00

Something weird is going on at work yesterday. Wont say what coz I realised having a blog can actually kill your social life, coz you will never know when you gonna have an audience. Ok now, something weird is going on. Best of all, I got no idea what it is exactly. A name popped up more than 3x from Suai-ge yesterday. I really don't know what is he trying to imply. But I know fingers are pointing at me... Again... I never had any intention about anything whatsoever, so there's no reason for me to be afraid.
Again I got that from Baobei too. But again Baobei didnt worry me much coz I don't take things seriously, judging from what she said. But then Suai-ge said something like what Baobei did and then I thought something is going around. Enough of politics in the ward. I dont know whether is it politics or what but then I just feel funny but I dono what.

Hmm... never mind no point getting worried, it will happen again again and it will come out one day. Whatever it is I didn't start the problem first. Thats for sure.

I'm sick!

2004-11-22T04:27:00.000+08:00

Not feeling well today, but oh well.... last night already.... by right its my sleeping day today so as in 12 mn I'm allowed to sleep if I want to isn't it???? Hahaha... Yeah yeah...
Still freezing here in HD, seriously not feeling well.
Vitals: Temp: 37
Pulse: 110
Resp: 18
BP: 130/80mmHg
Colour of Dark rings: soft brown.
?? URTI.
Plan: Go Misa Travels at Chinatown after work
Go Standard Chartered at Tampines Branch
Take 969 home from Tampines ( may appear half dead by then)
See Doctor... yeah the crappy one at 888 plaza
Sleep..........

Met Billy today.... It was defintely love at first sight... Not sure about Billy though. We gazed at each other the moment we met.... And definitely I'm sure Billy showed interest in me. Was so sure that I wanted to bring Billy home to meet my family and I'm sure Billy wouldn't mind. Billy had the most nicest pair of eyes I've ever seen. So mesmerised by them. We had great fun together even it was for a short moment and I finally had to leave for work. I'm not sure whether Billy was sad when I had to leave and I was reluctant to say goodbye. I didnt show my feelings though coz don't want to look needy... hey I got pride.... And so was Billy.
But I still find that you could find a better name for a female cat.

So hard to get tix,

2004-11-21T03:45:00.000+08:00

Here I go again.... Something different today. I'm now freezing to death in HD. Just brought Lao Ah Pek 10/3 to toilet. Sitting here waiting for the sun to rise, wearing my ever faithful white sweater.
Oh shit! I'm really freaking out. It's so hard to get cheap airtix. Zuji sucks btw. Not really sure how how to get tix online and putting my near $800 budget at stake. Gonna go to Misa on Monday after work pay a deposit coz I'm definitely sure there aint no more offers til my departure date. Gosh, that means I got slightly more than 24 hours to beg mum to pay my deposit first. Yeah man, I'm totally depending on my bonus. Got to have a back up plan if Mum protest over the money thingie. My Standard Charted card.... not gonna be around any time soon.

[Literally scratching my head]

One irony: Whenever ChinHF's on call there's always so mnay things need to be done and she will be around most of the time. And tonight "Eye Candy"'s on and theres not a single opportunity to page. Well well well......

Rizal passed over my staff card which was suppose to slot over the patients door. The pic was taken like more than a year ago!!! WOrse! I look so damn horrible. I look fat and bulky. Should put it on my fridge just to remind myself how ugly i was..hahahaha.....

Its so hard to keep my eyes open right now.

Holidays are here.

2004-11-19T09:41:00.000+08:00

As usual, writing up blogs in the mornings. Fibi is running around the house chasing something I cant really see.. most probably chasing the spirit of the bug that she killed yesterday.. coming back to haunt her!!! She look very happy this morning. For one, she was up first and also look very energised, thats weird, haven't been feeding the girls fish these few days. She look so peaceful sleeping and will be this hungry monster when she's up.

Trying to look up for tickets earlier. Haven't have anything else on my mind other than my planned holiday. Going to Bangkok with Uma this Christmas... she NEEDS a holiday. Thought of going alone but shopping trip would be better with company. My Sydney trip. There's something good on Shahidah Travels coz I get really blur reading terms and conditions at misatravel. Don't know how Iqmal could figure them out with breeze. Yeah need to consult him on alot of things but then when I get to work getting busy and all... I forgot everything. Seriously everything, when he ask me whether I got anything to ask. I got nothing but when I get home and sit and start to surf thats when I get lost. However I learning slowly. Got to be independant though can't depend on people all the time.

[Listening to Taylore Dayne's Love Will Lead You BAck]

P/S: Fibi is lying on the floor flat, panting... eying on the scrath poll.

Was out with Uma yesterday, I picked her up from work, not really actually went to Blk 8 to exchange my uniform. Yeah, can't fit into my "made to measure" blouse.
As usually went for Ban Mian. Talked about issues, about work politics her problems at work. I mean we should let it out. We aint gossiping but just need to ventilate. Sister Koh just gave me a difficult task, seriously I don't know how to handle it. Sister put Emily and I in charge of the "problem". But then everybody knows she gonna beranak anytime. So I'll be in it alone. On the other hand, I may just be imagining things, maybe it is not so bad after all.
Talked about what we want in life and about family. To me Uma is considered blessed. She has a husband who dotes on her, BOUGHT HER A $700++ HP!!!, 2 kids, sister in Canada (so no pressure), A diploma, a well paying job, has a car ( w/o liscense) and she spend money as when she likes. To me she's already very blessed. If in 10 years time (yes, she's that old./.. haha) I'm half as happy as she is, I considered myself the luckiest person in the world.

What do I want in life? Now I'm living for myself. I do things that pleases me. I like to travel, see things which you can't in Singapore. I don't go for resorts coz I think I can find cheap trills nearby.. maybe Tioman or Redang. I want to get out of my comfort zone. Try new things and explore. And ( school never teach you to start a sentence with And) already I started. I love what I'm doing now play netball, go kickboxing and belly dancing. Also I'm good at what I'm doing. I'm young, I'm 22, and I think I should do different things. Was watching The Amazing Race 2 days back. Seriously I think I'll make a good team mate. hahaha... seriously.

P/S: Fibi is still panting

Everytime when I think back all the stupid things I've done in the past, I get very embarrassed, even though its just in my head. And I was trying so hard to be somebody else that I'm not. But now I believe in just doing it for myself, my family and my cats. ANd I am what I am like it or not.

Only that I think my confidence has gone down. Coz when I get very nervous I tend to stammer and say stupid things that doesnt make sense. And it doesnt sound natural and plus I think the aircon is too cold. haha...

whatever lah.... just do what I think is right, consequences dont really matter as long my conscience is clear.

P/s: Fibi is finding cheap trill by going to Hidhir.

What the Hell!!

2004-11-17T20:22:00.000+08:00

Pak Jang is coming home tomorrow. Most probably will pick him up from the airport. Sigh..... coz need to go back to work tomorrow despite my day off to get my uniform changed!! AND! Got a date with Uma tomorrow for Ban Mian.

Finally Irene was discharged today!! So happy.... She's pretty alrite but she reminds me alot of Marine Parade old spinsters. Ironically I learned or began to accept Linda (Elizabeth), no more whining and groaning... well...

i was very surprised that Amelia actually read my blog. never imagine what is it like to have an audience.

I don't know why the sudden interest to travel. It all began when Ana wanted to go Australia and when I got single. And yes when I decided to spend time for myself. How I wish I got the interest sooner. Ive yet to settle my trip to Sydney and I already planned a trip to Bangkok before that! I dont mind going alone but would be nice if I have company. Main idea is to shop! I want the shirts and the sandals and the bags and whatever it is not ight seeing, the trip is mainly for shopping. Sydney would not be shopping, would just for the adventure. Not really the beach kind of person though, Shopping in the sense that buying the necessities in bulk.

How I wish I could drag Uma along but then she got kids and a husband. HHmm,... doesnt seem like a bad idea. Gonna call Uma now.

Old Spinster Aunts of mine.

2004-11-15T16:11:00.000+08:00

Its the 2nd day of Hari Raya.
Cik Yet and Cik Ani (Anisa) just left. As usual... whats Hari Raya without the debate over medical issues???? Didn't tell them about my work progre or future plans... Actually I should coz They are like a so called "medium" for me to get my message across to my Spinster Aunts. Yeah yeah Its just to show them how capable Ive become and mature unlike Didi or Isnis. Its just so hard thinking back how life used to be being compared with Isnis. Seriously as a child, as a teenager and even as an adults they still haunt me. I'm so glad Bapak decided not to have anything to do with them... at least it gave me space. Being a nurse its something they frown upon. And I still vividly remember how disappointed they were when I took Nursing. But hey.... ITS MY LIFE... NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.... My aunts are nothing but a pain in the ass. I never blame my dad for not wanting to be of their aquaintance. But the think is that I'm glad that I've grown up having a mind of my own unlike Isnis and Didi where they are still the object of manipulation of my aunts.

For Cik Ani..... she thinks she knows everything being a teacher. We often argue over issues coz she thinks she knows my work better.

Linda Elizabeth

2004-11-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

Just got back from work.... Really had fun... serious..... a whole bunch of cool gang. Shucks! Linda's back. Tried so hard to avoid her but BMU called for her still.. to lodge. I was so frustrated... coz because of her I go home with backaches and headache and she's a huge mental torture! So I got Aini and Zarifah to attend to her. Kak Siti and I just ignored her.
Irene was transferred to 53.... hahahaha.....

Mastura suggested we order something for break fast... and only 3 of us were interested... Mas, Huiyi and I. So I decided to call the on calls too... ENT was A Dr Teng... very weird man speaks with a funny accent... hes out then... doesnt look like one of OUR people. Called Iqmal instead and then we ordered 2 medium pizzas... Then me and Mas was uncertain that is enough. So we called back the pizza place and asked for large instead.. HEHEEHE... Reg on call is Dr Fong KL. I've always thought that she's a Sandra Bullock lookalike.

Went back with Aini and Kak Siti. Had a nice talk with her about her family and how complicated her life is. The song Beautiful Boy by Celine Dion was singing in my head... and when I put on my earpiece to listen to Class 95... they are playing the exact same song!!! Gosh! Can't they play something else?

Grow up darling.

2004-11-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

As usual hectic day at work... not really that hectic... Yap was around... Love Yap... shes good!
Was with Emily... one of my best pals in 55A. "She" was pissed with us, as usual coz we queried too much.. which I believe is entirely her fault. Just still in denial that shes not so competent as she thought she is. Ultrasound films missing, ECG not available.. and best of all trying to implicate me in the mistake... what crap!!

She ask Emily and I to change "Lao Ah Ma"'s wrist tag to white... which I think shouldn't be done coz if she falls and if it were to go into RMS, we will get into trouble coz patient is not having a yellow wrist tag. I think shes pissed at me coz I rejected her suggestion. One thing... GROW UP!! I have enough!!! No time for all this.. Just doing my job. Work first, friendship aside. So used of the whole malay gang not talking to me... Due to petty stuff.

I enjoyed working with Emily today even though I am feeling lethargic these few days. Finally saw Justin after so long. With Justin I can really talk... i'll be myself. With Iqmal I don't know why, I just feel kinda scared talking to him. I really want to talk as how I converse with Justin and Harold but I just can't seem to open my mouth. He's a wise man despite the Hilley's shoes.
With Adoree she's like a galpal whom u hang out with, have coffee with... Ali? He's just an eye candy.... haha....

One thing I realised that Ali seems not be popular with the other HOs. Got the idea from Iqmal, didnt ask him though coz didnt want to know either. It started from the MR. SGH thingie.

HAd my flu vaccination today... so far Im ok..

Went out with Uma to Jurong Point. Walk around, accompanied her to have coffee..... Miss having coffee with her so much... And.. and.... WE ARE GOING D&D!!! Yeh!!
We got alot of cathing up to do.. and we just talk and laugh and laugh and laugh...

Took the cab home.... taxi driver rather crude though. Got stuck on the BKE. Managed to break fast at home. Bapak and Mother asked me on their furniture shopping trip.. and we spend $2k in 2 hours!!!! believe it or not.. and we bought so much things... My parents' wardrobe, telephone table, bench chair, mattress, and dining chairs. WOW! Will be coming tomorrow. Thank god I'm on afternoon shift... HAHAHA... yeah yeah I'm a lazy chap.

Got to wake up early.. Hidhir's SNEC appt tomorrow.

Iqmal's Album

2004-11-07T11:24:00.000+08:00

oh yeah forgot to mention... Iqmal showed me his Australia album... Actually at first I thought nothing much of it but then... I was very impressed! Its a big huge album that he bought from some flea market. Its this huge fabric like album that is as huge as the one I have for myself. His complete with photos and detailed summary and commentary about the place and so on.. and its nicely placed. Its very nicely done up and Im more amazed over the art work rather than the pics... hahaha..... Very enthusiastic man.

And funny thing... he look like Nas on photos.... yeah really exactly... I was so excited I even took out Nas' photo... I remembered I have one somewhere in my wallet. I took it out showed it to everyone about the similarities in looks. With the wide forhead, bushy eyebrows, specs, face shape... and body size.... hahaha... it was so funny but Iqmal is still in denial... yeah but Nas is better looking though...

Little Miss Cranky

2004-11-06T19:40:00.000+08:00

[Listening to Boy George's Karma Chameleon]

I'm so exhausted!!! Yeah 2nd day of morning shift... but managed to do some hopping though... Went to Ikea alone.... yeah... I just felt like it... Bought bedsheets, candles ( lots of them), table lamp and a rug!!! Guess it! Yes! its for my room. I like my room to be as dark and gloomy with dim lights and candles.... and with my mini water fountain and "spa" music...... hmm...... Ayi still thinks I'm a vamp.. i mean, vampire.

My legs felt like they were going to be independant from the body... but then they just going on and on... So damn many ppl in Ikea... mostly malays... Weird... ARent they suppose to be at Geylang?? Took the train home... just to save some cash. I already felt so sick and then his guy.. more like a boy... was winking and smiling at me.... gosh! That is such an insult! I attract ppl like that..... I was so embarrassed.

Was listening to Class 95Fm... it wasnt Cartunes... was Slow Rock on weekends... playing a few of my favourite hits...

Today is the worst fasting day ever.... I felt so tired, dehydrated and hungry... and for once I actually felt faint at work. Was working with Huay Fern... that acts to my headache. I mean she reminds me of Yasmin... She loves to mess up my table. Karen calls her "kanchong spider"
I partnered with Baobei today. Shes very reliable and competent. Really love the aunty from 8/1.... haha.... she told me " ni de piku hen ta"..... i just laugh it off.

I'm all groggy now... listening to Laura Fygi and Yasmin on the printer sleeping so peacefully... I could be falling asleep right now. BUT... Got to use the comp since Ayi, Nani and Hidhir are out... went to get some computer stuff.

I really really can't wait to go to Sydney ... yeah babbay.... i want to see the blue mountains!!! So fascinated by them.. I am very excited and looking at photos about them really make me think of nothing else but Sydney.... But of course I don't act like a pathetic loser among my friends about going on the trip.... Got lots of things to ask about Sydney but then with work schedules so tight.. and I wouldnt want to bother other ppl either.

Oh gosh.. now playing is The Beatles' Here, There and Everywhere. Really putting me in such a tired foul mood.

Really groggy turning cranky now.....

Oh yeah I really want to go to Sting's concert on Jan 10... but then its totally impossible.... Sting or Sydney? Of course Sydney!!

Had a dream....

2004-11-04T11:16:00.000+08:00

I just got up... as usual i write blogs usually in the mornings... Had a dream dono whether to feel bad abt it....
Dreamt of this person... why would i dream of him.... never thought of him at all. its just so unexpected. Felt like asking him... "Hey what are you doing in my dream?" But then worst of all he was the main cast... and his brother was there too... huh??? whats going on??? and we were at a hospital setting... ok... that one is not too bad... And his bro was craving for popcorn??!!?? Asked his gf to get him the popcorn..... Popcorn?? whats up with that man??

Supposely I'm to be involved with this person. Went to his house to meet his mum... ( I dont know exactly what happened) His (suppose to be ) house is the setting of Nenek's place!!! And his mum is this rich "tai tai" who was very non chalant about everything. And I was trying to be nice and just be myself.... We were about to leave.. me, my aquantaince, his bro and gf/wife?? I went to the room to say goodbye to his mum.... his mum room is actually Cik Ain's and Cik Apet's room... SHe was on the upper deck of the double decker and was on the phone lying down.. she hastily waved at me and so I left.

the 4 of us ( still don't know how it happened) .. was in the lift and it stopped at the 8th floor and led in this bride and groom and the lift was very packed..

And then I can't remember what happened.
It gonna be weird the next time I'm gonna be around this person... but whatever it is its just a dream..supposely to humour me a bit.

Can't wait.....

2004-11-03T14:17:00.001+08:00

Just got back from sending Pak Jang to the airport, gone for Umrah. Another of my fav person gone. Just noticed that he got himself a new digicam... and its 5.1 megapixel!!!! If i'm not wrong its a Sony cybershot. Begged Mum to give me a loan but was turned down.

I bought myself a Lonely Planet Sydney guide... Karen said its good and detailed... and yeah she was so right... It left a hole in my pocket but it was a good buy. Its so detailed it comes with websites and even how much it cost to visit a ceratin attraction. I'm so hooked...
Actually I haven''t do my homework yet and I know nuts about Sydney.. let alone Australia. Was depending on Ana to bring me around... but still.... I still must know my way around.
Was talking to Iqmal yesterday and then he was giving me tips on getting around and what to visit.. He was much of a help. Then I stated thinking about going to Sydney and worse when Iqmal started talking about his experience.. I can't stop thinking about it!!! I even bought the Sydney guide earlier. I went through some stuff that Iqmal told me to.. like Blue Mountains and I'm not sure of what bridge he was telling me about... I've done my research and I want to go!!!! Badly want to go!!!!! All Iqmal's fault but still I have to thank him.. I was planning to spend a couple of days at Katoomba... thats the Blue Mountains place... staying in the backpackers hostel.

Really looking forward to look at Iqmal's photos. He mentioned he gonna bring them to let me se them. Don't know whether he'll remember... So "segan" to ask him.. He he he...

I have to get a digicam soon!!!!! Still can't forgive Nani or whoever who broke my Olympus digicam.

A tribute to Marhanah Binte Mansor ( she's not dead by the way )

2004-11-01T11:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I actually went for kickboxing...
I'm sure its not a novelty but then I feel tired.... extremely tired... I need drive... Marhanah is gone to Australia, leaving me all alone here. Yes I have many friends, of both genders, but no one beats Marhanah.... I never thought of Ana of being like my best friend but sometimes after mixing around yes I miss her so much...

Its funny that I actually saw her in sch most of the time back in NYP. But we were both strangers... to me she looked weirdly small... yes she's very small!!! Just imagine she is about my chest level. But she looks good.
Finally bumped into Ana at 55A... then we just clicked. Amazingly she's 2 years older. MAybe I do get along better with older pppl than younger ones.

Ana makes me feel confident about myself when I was all fat and heavy and bulky. You know she never put me down she makes me feel like a Fat Beauty. Which I was... haha...

I started reminicing about the times we hung out. We went for kickboxing together, went to Geylang the eve of hari raya... IN UNIFORM!!!! I finally gave in to the other side of me.... the FUN Nisa! We went for D&D together, dress up getting pretty... and she's one GAL PAL who is never jealous of me.... She honestly said that I'm pretty and congratulate me everytime I lost weight! She's a gem!! truely a friend. I do have many gal pals but most either put u down when u have something better or bitch about stuff... or brag..... very Minah you know... It's like I have this good looking guy friend who picked me up from work and was sen by my Minah friends... and they call him Gay Boy! What??? C'mon we are no longer children. Given Ana she would want to know how come I got to know such guy.

Ana wanted to buy the bags I buy, bought matching shoes.. very girlie innocent stuff. There was once we went to Takahimaya to o someshopping... she picked out this really cool green tee with oval neck... and she begged me to try it on and it look good on me and to her its like dressing up her doll... and i bought he tee... and she all excited coz i got a really cool top for myself... And call me crazy but everytime when i miss Ana.. I would wear the top out. Really miss her... She listens to me despite being younger and she respects my feelings and she thinks highly of me as a person. We practically like each other... But one thing I hate is that we being together look like Laurel and Hardy.

I've lost all the weight..... Look all different.... and she's not here to see.... But she's in Australia doing her bloody degree where she can do them in Singapore...

When I got a crisis a few months back.... I turned to her. Despite of blaming me that I bring the problem upon myself.. she was there for me 100% We sat at Northpoint McDonalds and just talked.

Gosh really miss her.... The only one person who understands what I'm talking about... Knows my point and knows everything about me...

Miss ya gurlfriend..... see you in Australia in January....

It's all so absurd

2004-10-31T23:33:00.000+08:00

Just got back from work... Having fried macaroni mum made yesterday.... at the same time watching the bachelorette 2.. She's dumping the guy right now!! Its sad and emotionally killing me alive!! Boo hoo...

SOmething is so wrong with me.... Got to know another foreign man... Oh no not another one.. What's wrong with me?? This is no crush, this is just something that i generalise... This chinese guy... he's malaysian btw....
He's everything u dont want a guy physically... He's not really fat hes just BIG and bulky. But other than that hes such a sophisicated guy with ambitions and intelligence. Just think... Narcissus Canned Lychees.... yeah the one with the yellow can... The packaging is so u.g.l.y but the lychees are top notch! Yeah he's exactly like that. Love the way he talks, communicated yah when he get so serious and professional... hhm..... so attractive.... In other words he's just big and bulky, THAT'S ALL.... no that's not all.... OMG! He's Bald too!!!! Shit!!! I think I'm with the problem.... BOTAK MAN?????? I think I need help... Need to make an urgent referral to SNEC.

Yeah I still stand by my point about foreign man.... locals still got alot to learn.

Im physically and mentally tired from work.... I work and work and work and time just pass by.
Was listening to Class 95 all the way home just now.... I don't know why out of a sudden I just though about the stupid things I've done in my life... I feel sad all over again... oh damn i took pain to forget abt the whole thing and now im back where i started.

Nas is not around... yeah I do feel lost.... I'm so used of having him to pour all my problems and sorrows and he will try his very best to help me out.... He's now stuck in Brunei for several weeks.

I need something to unwind and de-stress myself... yes i do have my own agenda but still.... I feel so tired.... Need to add some flavour to my life.

Listening to Alicia Key's You Don't Know My Name... I feel so tired listening to it. I'm not really the R&B kind.... I'm more of the Big Band Retro Sentimental freak.... famous names like Harry Nilsson, Frank Sinatra's Night and Day, Beatles, Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, Gary Moore... Natalie Cole, Stylistics!! Elton John's I'm Still Standing, Taylore Dayne... Yeah they are not popular choices and its easy for me to get their albums coz its never out of stock a HMV.

oh crap.... I'm so tired.... gonna talk to Suliana now..

I don't know what to call this entry.

2004-10-28T11:10:00.000+08:00

Good morning!!! I just realise that I only blog in the mornings...
Yeah Nani hog the comp at night time.... so i have no choice... Listening to The Beatles' Here Comes The Sun right now. This is a great "morning song". here comes the sun I say... its all right..... little darling...

Was browing through friendster earlier... and was scanning through my friends' friends' friends.... just to see if i know anybody. came across this girl.. very old friend of mine. I don't whether to call her a friend or just a aquantaince. We were in Yishun Sec together back in the late 90s. She was this very extremely quiet girl.... rarely talk.....and (sorry).... she looked... lookED weird... ahuh... she did! I was her St John sergeant. She was in the Normal Academic stream and I was in Express... so I didnt see her much other than in St Johns.

She added me in friendster a few days ago.. So i went to check her out.... She look pretty the same... less weird... ahh... one of the wonderful things about growing up... I went to read her testimonials... yeah... she's still the same quiet reserved girl... but then it seems that she's doing very well.... student's councillor in her ITE. and shes a admin exec???? something like that... to many of her friends that is what they call successful... so be it....
and and and... shes getting engaged!! or engaged I think.... the husband to be looks way better off.... with a nice bike... its those that would sprain your back.. not sure what is that... well... some people have all the luck... maybe they aren't choosy...

Sometimes as I wonder around the neighbourhood back in Yishun.... Im sure to some old friends.... Like one of my best budd from my "elite" group (hahaha!!) in Yishun sec, got married at 21. Husband was 22 I think. He was still In national service... They had a nice wedding... and and and they bought a flat in Yishun.. its a resale flat... WHERE DID THEY GET THE MONEY FROM???????????????? Seriously I didnt expect that from them... My friend smsed, it read... " I got my flat" I went WHAT??!!! Call me jealous... I'm not jealous seriously.. its just that I'm very amazed, impressed in fact on how they get their finances to work out.

Maybe some people have all the luck.. or like what I say they aren't choosy.

Maybe I am choosy... i think Im very choosy in terms of finding a companion for myself.
And its not a bad thing... i want the best for myself... and right now Im happy being "man-less."

I really feel that girls should do that... why jump yourself straight into everything where you are not even 25, earn less than 2k ...

As for my dating record... I prefer men... listen... MEN not Boys... I don't date men less competent than me... sure... i would prefer a guy with better education standard, earn bigger money, taller and heavier.. hahaha.... yeah would definitely prefer someone to actually take care of me... rather than im playing the big man role in the relationship... of course Older~!! wouldn't go for a younger man.... I have a friend whose gf is 2 years older... call me judgemental.. but its true... I dont judge the guy... maybe he's alright with it ... maybe he has other ways of "feeling" superior. I judge the girl and I still do ... i really take my hat off her!!! its like how could you want a younger bf?? maybe our views are different... I would love to hear what she has to say... but putting my friendship with the guy in jeopardy... I rather keep mum.... If i get a good explaination I sure will eat my words...

[Listening to Chaka Khan's Through the Fire]
thru the fire... to the limit to the wall... for just to be with you im glad u risk it all...
hahaha....

Just to add in about my last few entries.. about the malays blah blah..
People in the malay society take jobs like admin exec, telemaking.. clerk as being successful. and going to ItE is like prestigious enough.

If u ask me... call me greedy but I want to excel even through i have a painful job... When i tell people Im a nurse... they think nothing much of it.... but the main thing is that what qualifications do I have... I will be taking my degree and adv diploma... either which thats come first... i would want to do masters and PhD.... at least I have ambitions, I have dreams.. and I make it happen dont just it at my nursing counter and dream about it.

[ Listening to St Elmo's Fire]
What a title... ELMO??? And they can't think of any other Saints?????
Gosh its already 1152hrs.... I got to go to work man.... Oh gosh I'm super late...
Got to send my uniforms for alteration later, coz they are too big....i look funny in them... reminds me of a caretaker... the problem is that I don't know a good tailor.

Bismillah

2004-10-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

<<>>An adjuration or exclamation common among us muslims... I wonder how come something so simple can turn to something breath taking...

Its funny.... Its how you say it and when you say it.... ANd who said it...

I don't know about you, but I'll sure go crazy.

Tipping off the scales.

2004-10-26T11:53:00.000+08:00

Good morning!!!!! Thank god my eye ain't that swollen anymore....
Immediately went to the toilet the moment I wake up... ending my misery of prolonged constipation. Yup, yup... I realised something.... I lost weight.. seriously!!!! Its been 3 kilos in total since the first day of fasting month. Yeah my denim skirt fits well too.... yeah i tried it on for a while. That Levi's denim skirt of mine... haven't been wearing it for months coz I have the little bits here and there.... haha,.. today gonna show it all off.... gonna wear it to meet Tini later for break fast cum little shopping. She's sure gonna freak out!!!

People say some ppl eat out of depression and some starve. Yeah I believe that theory.. I eat alot when I'm depressed. Months ago I was out to impress some guy... p/s: I didnt starve myself.. I just didn't eat. I went for frequent kickboxing sesion and netball practice. I didnt do it for him.. its just that I wanted to do it.. self conscious. Of course I love what I'm doing. I lost in quiet a bit... putting myself off the 60kg mark. I was very happy...

Months later the sky turned dark on me. I had enough of impressing some guy.... I went for tonsillectomy and I just stopped excercising. I kinda ballooned back a little but slightly above 61- 62kg. Yeah at that point I thought I had no source of determination... I had that before but after I hadn't. I need that....

Then I found one... I shall not eleborate further or you ppl still start throwing rotten tomatos at the computer screen. I dindn't try to lose weight... I just did... It just went off... Now im a cool 56kg. WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING!!!!! I didn't diet I didn't watch what I eat but I just lose it off.... Maybe I found something else to do other than eat. It has been 2 weeks and I only ate 1 meal per day and I'm contented.. I'm happy I dont feel tired... Weird...

But its human nature... once to start to lose.... u would want to loose even more. I'm aiming for 55kg.

Why SUCCESSFUL Malay Men prefer Chinese girls...

2004-10-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm... got a bit of negative response from my last entry... however it doesn't bother me at all... Its just a blog writing down my thoughts... take it or leave it...

Thanks to the exposure and experience I get of being single, I began to notice tiny little details about the malay society.... I find that successful malay men ( those classified as "a good catch" )... always have chinese companions.... ironically not indians but CHINESE... its all so weird..

Actually spoke to one of my male friend on the phone yesterday night.... ( i didn't like his ego though ).. about this foreign man local girls thingy... he kinda got upset... he claim he didn't, but like what I said I didn't like his ego.. so u get what I mean rite... And the topic of the chinese girls and SUCCESSFUL malay men came in... and he barged in and said he's dating a chinese girl.... a quick response from me... " Err... yeah but you're not successful.." I think he got pissed and hang up. Ha! Ha! Ha!! --- not trying to be mean... he's unemployed by the way, but I don't like how he try to explain how he TURN DOWN a job because of principles... a whole BUNCH OF COW DUNG to me....

Ok getting out of topic already....

When I come across a malay man ( man not boys)... with good paper qualifications, stable job, financially stable, with a nice vehicle and a good social standard.... always had a chinese girl by the side... I wonder why...

I raised the issue on some and the response I get is a head turner...
One guy told me that MOST malay girls are too possessive and unflexible and over jealous... demanding a phone call where ever he went and doesn't give him enough space.
And the issue of marriage practically scare of most..

Education and maturity comes in..
Im not saying that I'm good but it's all factual. Just in random go apporach any malay girls on the street 80 pecent would be in clerical, reeceptionist, administration, or sales. Its all very typical. Not very ambitious though.... again THIS IS BASED ON WHAT I INTERVIEWED.
Not very ambitious as in very contented with what they have, not wanting to be in a bigger social circle. ANd they are very afraid to come out of their comfort zone and venture out to do oher things other than work and hang out at malls and smoking their lives away...

And it was made known that malay girls are too immature... they go for trends... one friend got engaged everybody wants to get engaged...

And easily influenced.... I have or had a friend.. Im not sure... Looked into her photos and she had this curly hair with a felt cap... and i ask her what is it all about.. she said in a typical malay tone.." trying to look NIGGER!!??" huh????? and i ask her how come her hair is straight now... he said now she's a Raggae babe.... WHAT????? Gosh.... BUt.... its all good entertainment....
And this R&B thingy.... everybody's favourite... if u dont like R&B then u are SOOOO OUT!! HAha....

For those ppl who subscribe to Anakmelayu.com.... just count how many girls actually use the word Rasta as nicks... Its all plain funny....

No wonder.....

Dont believe me try this: Go to any popular magazine and look out for the credits at the 2nd page.... u wont se any malay names there...
Go to any elite schools in Singapore just count the number of malay girls in there....
OK Ok,.... no ned to go that far... just open up ur old school year book... just compare the number of normal academin/ nomal technical and express streams students.... I shall not eleborate...

The number of successful malay guys in the industry is very limited. And having surround by non malay colleagues all the time... having going on dates.... blah blah blah... so we can never actually blame these guys for not wanting to date chinese or NON malay girls....

So girls buck up!!!

Just to reemphasized: This is just a personal oipinion.....
p/s: I'm not sure if i'm one of them... its for u to decide...

Now I Know WHY S'pore woman prefer foreign men.

2004-10-21T08:09:00.000+08:00

A few years back there was a big fuss over Singaporean women prefer foreign men.... They had the news everywhere... there was even short interview or more like a Q&A thingy on Channel NewsAsia... Its more of the local girls going for caucasions or even african americans...
Reason being: more understanding, romantic, flexible, not the jealous type, not needy.. more big and burly... physical outlook thats what I'm talking about.( sense of security.. local men are too small sized)

At that point I thought that it was all so crazy... nothing is better than dating your own kind..
The complains were that local men were too straightforward, unromantic, stagnant lifestyle, quiet, predictable, solemn and unadventurous. In other words UNCREATIVE.

I thought that it was all a trend thingy... if a bunch of girls having boyfriends who look so alienated so look cool.... other ppl would go for it too.
I find that they were too pathetic and desperately looking for love... or or... or.... seems so incredibly unattractive to the local men... ha ha ha....

BUT TODAY I SHALL EAT MY WORDS....

YES! I agree that at a certain level foreign men seems to be more attractive than the locals. For right now I think... *wink*.. I had my own experience having a crush on a foreign man.
However its just a crush.. nothing more than that.. just that i find he's very very ATTRACTIVE.

A short intro on him:

Name: Not gonna reveal....
Occupation: Doctor
Age: Not sure though.... must be in his 20s still...
Nativeland: Mauritius... based in Australia.
Descendant: Arab, a little bit of North Indian blood.
Religion: ISLAM!!!!
Height: about 1.8m
Weight: I dono.. kinda slim.

When I first saw him at the nursing counter I was like " WOW!" but I kept being non chalant. Not gonna let him see that my hormones are ranging like crazy.. am I....
Call me crazy but he was looking at me.... whether he thinks I'm attractive or either theres a big huge smudge of mascara at the corner of my eye... hahahahaha......
other than that... he became like my eye candy for the next 4 months..

God must have known that i worked so hard that he rewarded me with a sweet treat... yeah man.. i really needed that... work has been so damn stressful at least now Im looking forward for work.

I first asked Harold ( another doctor ) about where that beefcake come from.. so Harold told me everything about him... blah blah...

That first time I saw the cute doc.. i thought he was JUST CUTE... but then he started the conversation.... he was like.... " How do I do this"..... " Where is the shortcut to Blk 7"..... Me with the big shy cheeky smile and plus blushing +++... answered all his queries... He was so different... very soft spoken.. there is this mysterious thing about him that I'm dying to find out... So the next day we chated while working... He ask me whether I was a Muslim, whether I fasted... blah blah.... I told him Im going to Sydney in January.. he was sharing things about Australia. Just kind of a small mini getting to know you session.... What I like about him is that he seems VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT WHATEVER HE DOES..... that to me is very attractive and I like intellectual guys.... i mean I like intellectual MEN.
The way he draws blood from the patients.... he way he talks to patients, the way he sits and the way he writes... he was the move and groove ya know....

2nd day of Ramadan: was working afternoon shift... he was on-call.... he ask me if its gonna be a good call... i said " with you around.. sure.." then i told myself " OMG! Was I Flirting???" Its seems like I did. But I was very shameful of myself... ITS RAMADAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Not suppose to do that.
The best part he came up to me and ask if I have break my fast.. i said yes... duh...
"thats good" he said... I was like WOW! I really like the way he talks... everything about him is so SEXY!!!

What makes my Progesterone and estrogen levels go crazy??? WHEN HE CALLS MY NAME!!!
" Annisa... could you chaperon me??".... Ever seen how Michael Jackson fans jump and so crazy everytime MJ did the moonwalk?????? yes indirectly I was like that....
Really like the way he pronounce my name....
Yes I'm having a major crush on this Mauritius lad.

See I dont get this from local men. Don't have to eleborate further you know what I'm talking about...

Its all about the approach and they way men handle women that makes women crazy... its something that local men have to learn.
Still waiting for a local men to bowl me over... not so soon I guess... they have a lot to learn..

It's all very overwhelming

2004-10-06T11:15:00.000+08:00

Im sick of being living in a world of adolescence...
I thought Im all grown up with a good job with a completely different lifestyle... things will change.... but I realise some things are meant not to be changed...

Looking at the world in an optimistic light

2004-09-29T11:21:00.000+08:00

Good morning!!!!
Yeah, Ayi and Nani's not home so I'm dorminating the comp...
Nothing much to say really...
Life has been fairly ok... been working... still not sure of the degree though...
Salimah told me that she applied Adv Dip in Midwifery for me for this coming intake.. which means back to NYP... and I have to give up my degree... I dont really mind that since everything is paid for. The problem is that I have to move out form 55a and move to Labour ward which is what Ive always wanted... but thinking of laving 55a... my heart shrinks. Im so comfortable there.... and Im one of the 3 staff who were the first original staff of 55a.... which inc Emily and Karen and Santhi. Thinking again... change is good.... Ive changed, friends changed, ppl changed... What really bothers me is that most of the labour ward staff are middle aged cranky old b****.. chances of getting "bullied" is high.

If.... i were to do my degree... rest assured that I will still be in 55a for the next 2 years but I have to pay the fees on my own which is super taxing... 16k... OMG!
BUt upon graduation the money is good....... enuff to pay for my fees monthly but i just cant stand the fact that I would have financial woes paying for my degree... means no more spending like crazy.
I wouldnt ask Daddy to pay coz theres Ayi who is going to Uni next year and Nani is still in Poly.. Hidhir's time will come pretty soon.... so at least doing my part paying for my own fees...

Still given a choice... I would still do my degree first... Adv dip sounds good... but whichever i dont really mind as long as I'm getting a better cert than a regular diploma.

The song

2004-09-25T03:01:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wonder why cetain songs gave u a great impact and certain songs just blow u away even though they suck?
Yeah for me I was listening to Michelle Branch's Game of Love.... I suddenly had the slow late evening, sunset Miami beach kinda feling.. well havent exactly been to Miami.. but I can imagine what it is like... very chalet kind of mood.. Me on a bicycle riding across the pathways with the song singing in my head.

Another song would be Frank Sinatra's That's Amore.... wow that one is one good "breakfast song"... gives you the breakfast mood.... like suddenly u can smell fresh toast with coffee.... even though u're listening to it at 1am.... no not the prata mood its a very caucasion cold cafe like kinda thing with baguette and coffee.....

WHat else... ok.... theres another one... try Time of the Season by The Zombies...
This one sounds a bit erotic... really will get u in the mood..... very sleek sexy...... how fat u think u are this song will make u feel sexy....

ok here's my fav... Boy George's Karma Chameleon.... this one really make u feel cute... very teenager like.... very happy positive its a nice thing to listening anytime....

ok my all time fav techno: Another Night..... this one I love.....

I had a good morning start....

2004-09-23T09:00:00.000+08:00

good morning!!!!!
Yeah just woke up.... had a good waking up today.... and working afternoon shift today... nah.. its ok working with Mildred today so not so bad...
Currently listening to Michelle Branch and Santana's Game of Love.... since on the subject... I find that the music video reflects on Lesbianism... hmm.....

I've been feeling very happy these few days... always waking up with a smile on my face... very positive all the way.. and thank god...
why? I'm not sure.

What is actually Goth??

2004-09-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

Ok heres the thing.... PPl has been saying I'm goth.... Seriously I dono why...
I actually read up something about it... and its something like they dressed in black all the time with eye make up ala Morticha Addams and the believe in all things with witches, warlocks vampires, demons and of course they believe in immortality. The way the dress often with the statement of being different and to shun away from others as often got bullied by them. The words and thing they talk about often relates to death... suicide.. depression... in angst... unhappiness.... misjudged...Often mistaken as part of satanism... which at that point scare me a little...

Maybe yeah... subconsciously I look goth... i say this again I LOOK GOTH but I'm not one of them...

I had this coming when I first straightened my hair and wore eye make up coz at that point i need eye makeup to make my eyes look bigger and less tired... however i prefer black to others coz naturally as everybody knows black is slimming... hehe...

As my sisters would call me a vampire coz i dont really like lights... i prefer my room to be dark coloyred with thick drapes and my room looks dark and gloomy... and i light candles in my room.... so that explains why ppl think Im goth..

Definitely I'm a Muslim i believe what Im suppose to believe being a Muslim and Im proud of it...

But whatever it is wont stop me of dressing up like how I want to be. if u think i look goth so be it...

Let's Start from the very beginning....

2004-09-20T11:53:00.000+08:00

Just created a new blog... fresh brand new of everything....